An Attempt to Understand Love
by Pavement Chaser
Summary: A doctor and a criminal both looking for love in all the wrong places...that is until they happen upon each other. But how can love thrive in a relationship laced with lies and deceit? Jate. REUNION CHAPTER IS UP!
1. Offwhite walls and 'sorry' notes

_This was inspired by a poem I wrote after watching one of those heartbreaker, cry-your-eyes-out kind of movies. I am truly fascinated by the emotion known as 'love'. I can't understand how people know to do everything they do to 'love' someone. I just can't wrap my mind around how people 'fall in love'. I've never done it but I have hope that I will...you know,'fall in love'. And, now that I've poured my heart out to you…let's get on with the story shall we?_

An Attempt To Understand Love

She stared intensely at the wall in front of her, mostly because it was the only thing to look at. It was off-white. Kate had always hated off-white. It was a dirty color, she thought, impure; a white imitation. And if the wall itself wasn't bad enough, a big black leather armchair sat smack-dab in the middle of it.

It annoyed her.

It didn't match…at all. It gave the room and uneasiness to it that cut into her chest like a butter knife. Although, that feeling wasn't entirely the wall or the chair's fault; his arm aided it. His arm that was now draped over her side, holding her closer to him than she wanted.

It had been like that for a year. For an entire fucking year, she woke up every morning staring at that godforsaken wall and feeling the exact same way. Empty.

She worked at a Starbucks and made minimum wage, like every other human on the planet, while Matt worked at a local hospital as a pediatrician.

He made good money, like Kate didn't, and treated her well. So, why did she feel this way? He told her that he loved her everyday before he went to work and every night before they went to sleep, but she couldn't say it back. And the strange part about it was that it hadn't always been like that.

Once upon a time, they had been spontaneous and carefree. They made love in the afternoon just because they could and they would spend entire Sunday's in bed reading magazines and eating pints of ice cream. They were more like lovers than 'partners' and Kate preferred it that way.

But they had fallen into a routine fairly quickly and she couldn't live like that. What had she been looking for in this relationship anyway?

Did she expect to fall in love with him? Now, she wasn't sure. She didn't even know if love existed at all. But, if it did, it wasn't with Matt.

That thought made up her mind. She moved his arm gently so not to wake him and slid out from underneath the blankets, letting the cold air wrap around her naked skin.

Almost ashamed, she looked at his sleeping face. He wasn't what she would call handsome but he was attractive. She'd remember his face.

Kate quietly slipped into a pair of dark jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. She tied her messy curls back in a low ponytail and for the millionth time in her life, shoved her clothes into her old backpack. It was kind of hard to see with the lights off even though the clock read 5:23 and light was now starting to filter in through the windows. Usually Matt was already up for work but today was his day off.

She stopped at the door of their bedroom looking back on a year gone by. Her deep green eyes held heavy guilt. They always did when she did this. Then she silently slipped over to his nightstand and picked up his brown leather wallet.

She fingered it gently. The corners were bent upwards, just like the corners of her lips. She'd given him the wallet for his birthday last month, only now it seemed like a lifetime ago.

She shook the memories from her head and with a swift movement she opened it and pulled out a wad of green bills and a folded up picture of herself he always kept with him.

Then she glided down the stairs, and exited the house, closing the door behind her like she always did.

Now the only thing Matt had left of her was a note on the kitchen table reading:

_Sorry. I can't do this. I hope you forgive me._

_Amy_

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And there you have it folks! I know it's a really short first chapter but we're just getting started. Well, I know what I think of it so, now it's time for you to push that little purple button and tell me what YOU think!


	2. A difference between raindrops and tears

_Thank you all so much for the reviews! They really boost my morale! Oh, and by the way this is a no-crash situation. She and Jack have never met before and yada, yada, yada. I think you get it. Well, on with the story!_

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Her tears fell like the rain.

'It seems appropriate that it'd rain on a day like today,' she thought to herself as she hiccupped another soft sob. She was sitting on a swing in the park, every part of her soaked.

She looked into the grey sky and let tears stream from the corners of her eyes. She could see the rain falling all around her and thought it was funny that the day's whether seemed to fit her emotions pretty damn well at the moment. The brunette choked on a laugh as the lump in her throat get bigger thinking of certain events from her childhood.

The memory was so vivid to her that it seemed like a movie reel playing in her head.

She was five at the time and she sat backwards on the couch staring out the window at the rain. Her brilliant green eyes were focused on the window pane and watching the small droplets run down until they plopped at the bottom.

"What'cha doin' baby?" Her father, Sam, asked her in his midwestern twang.

"Watching the world cry," her voice tiny and hurt, like her best friend need condolences and she couldn't give them.

"Katie, the world doesn't cry." Sam stated as-a-matter-of-factly. He picked up the little girl and set her in his lap. "What made you think the world cries?"

"I don't know." She answered sheepishly. Her index finger ran over the medal on her father's uniform. "I guess…because the rain runs down the window like tears run down cheeks." It was an extremely intelligent and logical answer for a five year old.

This made Sam Austin laugh jovially and he kissed Kate's mop of brown ringlets. "There's a difference between raindrops and tears, my dear." He started with fatherly eyes. "Tears hurt. You have to hurt somehow to cry. And rain…rain tends to heal everything."

The child looked into his eyes with interest and longing. So, he continued, "Remember when we went a whole summer without rain?" Kate looked puzzled, like she was searching for a memory that didn't exist. "That was the summer that you and Tom played in the sprinklers every day." The light of recognition went of in her head and she nodded. "And the grass was all dry and brown." She nodded again. "Well, when the rain finally did come, the grass turned green again." She nodded one last time. "See, rain is a good thing. There's no need to be sad, Katie."

"Okay…" She answered unsure.

Kate looked around the park, at all the empty benches and the empty swings she was sitting one. There were no kids laughing as they raced down the slides and vacant seesaws blew up and down with the few gusts of wind. She felt sad.

Rain had always made her sad for some reason. It had that effect on her. But it was almost soothing today. She played the conversation with her father over and over again in her mind and decided that it was a good thing. Kate took it as a sign that she was doing the right thing.

She smiled to herself and wiped the water, both tears and rain, from her face. Maybe something good would happen soon, but for now she was allowed to be depressed.

000

Still wet, she walked into Starbucks and put her apron on to clock in. Meredith, her partner for the shift waved to her from behind the counter.

"What happened to you? You look awful." Meredith was a kind girl, no more than nineteen. She stood taller than Kate but only by an inch or so. Her long light brown hair was tied back and rolled up underneath her Starbucks labeled cap. And she had these intensely hazel eyes that Kate wished she had and as she looked into them and saw how concerned Meredith was, so she smiled.

"I'm alright. Got caught in the rain is all." Then she was off taking someone's order.

"You don't look alright. Something happened and you're not telling me. I know these things! Don't deny it." The college girl was now making a Caramel Macchiato and talking at the same time.

"I promise everything is fine, Mer." Kate passed the coffee off to it recipient and took another order.

"Did something happen with Matt?"

There was hesitation, which Kate immediately hated herself for. "What happened? He didn't break up with you, did he?" The perky co-worker passed off another cup of coffee off.

"Um…not really."

"Then tell me what happened before I'm under the impression that you left him."

There was another long silence from Kate before Meredith's jaw dropped and her eyes went wild.

"You didn't!" Kate just stood there, leaning against the counter, waiting for another customer. "Amy, you guys were perfect together. How could you do that?!"

"I just couldn't do it anymore. I was tired of trying to make it work." Kate crossed her arms over her chest as though she felt vulnerable. "He wasn't the guy for me."

Meredith was silent before shaking her head disappointedly. "So, how did he take it?"

Now, Kate was in trouble. Her friend wouldn't believe she was the type of person to just leave someone without saying a thing, only because Amy wasn't that type of person. Kate was…unfortunately.

"Um…well…" she started to panic.

"Excuse me." A man's voice from behind her broke the conversation and saved Kate from lying to someone she really didn't want to lie to anymore than she had to.

She turned and around with an, "I'm sorry, sir," and met deep brown, somewhat tired eyes. They were handsome eyes (nevertheless) that belonged to a very handsome, clean-shaven face. He was tall and broad with close-cropped brown hair.

"It's alright." He assured her with a smile. "I'll have whatever the house blend is for today."

"Anything else?"

"Nope. That'll be it." Then he backed out of the way to wait for his coffee.

The girl was very cute, even if she was a little wet. He just assumed she walked in through the downpour they had had earlier that morning.

She wasn't wearing a nametag so he couldn't really properly introduce himself without looking like he was coming on to her. Not that he needed to be jumping into any relationships at the moment.

His heart sank and looked up to hear, "Here you go. Enjoy." She gave him a flirty, small smile that flashed through her green eyes.

"Thanks…I will." Then he walked away sipping his coffee, leaving Kate behind to fabricate some story to Meredith about how Amy broke up with Matt.

Suddenly, Kate was sad again. And she didn't even notice that the gloom came when he left.

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_Hope you liked it! Now, hit that purple button and...REVIEW! _


	3. A drink never hurt anybody

The bar door swung open with a creek. It was a painful transition from the darkness of outdoors to the bright lights of the bandstand that wasn't in use.

She had her knapsack with her, signifying her last day in town. The catch…no one knew she was leaving.

"What can I get you?" The bar tender asked. He was tall and thin. Bald, but it suited him. His sleeves were rolled up and he was cleaning beer mugs with a towel that hung on his belt. He looked like the stereotypical bartender and for some strange reason…Kate found it a little unsettling.

"Um…tequila. Leave the bottle, please." Her green eyes flashed the truth of her situation to the stranger. He just raised an all-knowing eyebrow at her and set her up with a shot glass and a half-empty tequila bottle.

"Thanks." She whispered. Quietly, she poured the liquor into the glass and brought it up to eye level. It amazed her how this little glass of murky liquid could take the edge off the pain she called everyday life.

She knew she brought most of it on herself; ever since she'd killed her father, everything had been hell on earth. Nothing was easy for her. She dealt with the pain of the burden of secrets everyday of her life. Sometimes it was depressing that no one could ever know the real her and love her completely because they would never know. They wouldn't know about her father. They wouldn't know her lifestyle or that she would somehow con them in the end. She held guilt in her heart for everyman that she'd taken advantage of and even more for the ones she had loved. Kate carried pain everyday for her so-called sins but she'd come to the realization long ago that if it weren't this it would have been something else.

Kate seemed to be the kind of person destined for pain.

The brunette sighed heavily, still staring at the glass, knowing fully what she was about to do. She'd done it to many times in her life, but what the hell! What's another notch on your belt?

'Besides…drinking seems to work for other people. Especially country singers,' Kate mused to herself. A smile spread across her face and she raised her glass. 'To the Keith Urban song that's playing in the background.' And with that the shot glass hit her lips and the smooth drink slid down her throat.

"One." She whispered out loud to herself as she wiped the thin line of residue off of her upper lip and poured another.

000

"Five," she began to slur her speech. She didn't care really. She'd have her fill, walk as far as she could for the night, and find a place to sleep, throw up in the morning and be off on her merry way. Out of Matt and Meredith's lives, and other's she'd come to care for, forever. No more Amy. No more making coffee for a living. No more lies…for now.

Kate didn't hear the door shut through her dense thoughts of self-pitty. It had only been her and the bartender for so long that the sound of another voice startled her out of her alcohol induced stupor.

"Jack Daniels please." His voice was polite. Who was polite in a bar? It was all about getting drunk and pretending you don't exist for and hour or two. At least to Kate it was.

She glanced to her side. He had dark close-cropped hair, deep brown, tired, but handsome eyes and a not so clean-shaven face. She knew who he was immediately. She had made him coffee earlier that day. The house blend if she remembered right but at the moment who knew.

"Thanks." He nodded and brought the glass up right away. He drank the entire thing in one enormous gulp.

"Wow. Now you know how to drink." Kate tried to articulate the best she could. She smiled, as he must have gotten all that she said because he answered her right away.

"I'm looking to get wasted and wasted fast." He traced the rim of his cup in an almost embarrassed manner.

"Join the club." She chortled to no one. Her eyes focused on a poster in the back of the room. Bar rules. No one ever followed them but yet there they were.

A long oddly comfortable silence pasted before either of them spoke. "What are you in for?" He asked with hesitant curiosity.

She sighed to herself. "Life." She answered simply. She let the corners of her mouth turn up ever so slightly at the irony of her answer. If only he knew…

"I signed my divorce papers today." He followed up quickly. He didn't look at her nor did her flinch at the fact that he'd just blurted out extremely personal information to a total stranger. "She cheated on me…she cheated on me with I guy who's name I don't even know." He stuck two fingers inside his glass and brought and ice cube up to his lips but stopped short. "It makes me wonder. She said it wasn't about who he was but about who I wasn't. I have to wonder who I'm not. But I can tell you one thing…right now I'm not a doctor. I'm not a husband…or a son, or a friend. I'm not anything. I'm just a guy in a bar."

Shaking her head from side to side, Kate couldn't believe that he'd just shared practically his entire life story with her when he'd known her for a grand total of four minutes.

"I'm sorry, honestly I am." And she was. Her mind was immediately on Matt. The pretty brunette knew exactly how he felt. Right now she was just a girl in a bar.

"I'm sorry." He followed.

"For what? You didn't do anything wrong?" Kate felt extremely sober all-of-the-sudden. "I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year this morning. I know exactly how you feel, so don't be sorry."

Why did she say that? It just kind of came out, like word vomit or something. Surprised at her unusually uncharacteristic trait of confiding in a total stranger, she blamed it on the alcohol.

"No, I didn't mean it that way. All though I am sorry about you and your boyfriend, I was apologizing for gushing to you without even knowing your name." He stuck out a hand. "I'm Jack."

Eyeing him carefully, judging whether or not he could be trusted, she stuck out her hand as well. "I'm Kate."

Once again…why the hell did she do that? Kate never gave her real name away. Not even her first name, even if there were a million Kate's in this world.

"It's nice to meet you Kate. Thank you for listening to me. I know you probably didn't want to but you did and that's worth something to me at least." Jack smiled at her and downed another Jack Daniels.

Her new friend glanced at her from the side and smiled to himself. She saw it even if she wasn't supposed to, so she glanced back, catching his eyes just right.

There it was. The look. It was the look a guy and girl gave each other just before they decided to do something they would either remember or regret for the rest of their lives. And she milked it for all it's worth.

This particular man was extremely vulnerable right now and he was looking for something to make him feel in control. Luckily, Kate had a talent for using that vulnerability to get what she wanted.

They didn't even say a word to each other. She laid down enough money on the bar to pay for both of their drinks and headed towards the door, looking back only once with sultry eyes. He followed.

No sooner after the door creaked shut did their mouths meet in a wild, heated kiss. And the rest was history.

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_A/N: Sorry for not updating guys. I went through an outrageous combination or busy and writers block. I'm back and fairly secure in where I want this story to go…but I would love to hear what you guys think. What do you want to happen? Do you think there relationship should be based on secrets or does Kate, for some reason, trust him? Anything! _

_Next time: The aftermath. Sex is a serious thing but how does it affect Jack and Kate as people…as two different people looking for the same thing?_

_Little purple button. _

_Right there…_\/


	4. Difining good and bad people

3:17. That's what the clock read as she stared across his chest at the clock on his side of the bed.

Much more sober than she had been, she couldn't sleep. Too much was running through her mind to be sleeping. Kate couldn't stop thinking about the night she'd just spent with Jack.

They'd opened up to each other…about things that they shouldn't have opened up about. And they had sex. Good sex – no, great sex - but sex nonetheless. Normally, that wouldn't bother her. She had done it before; slept with a guy to get his money. But never one that was quite as vulnerable as he was. It made her guilty. It made her guilty of being a bad person.

That thought brought a sting to Kate's chest that she hadn't felt in a long time. She had done some really 'bad' things in her 28 years but she did them for good reasons. Kate had never done something to hurt someone that didn't deserve to be hurt. Or at least she claimed.

She knew it was a lie deep down and it killed her that buy practicing her divine right as a human to protect herself and her family, she had hurt so many other people than just the intended person.

Kate took a deep breath, claming herself, but also redirecting her thoughts back to Jack. She needed to get out of there before she hurt him too. Before she got in to deep.

Carefully, she pushed back the covers and let her feet dangle over the side of the bed. Her feet barely reached the floor, the carpet delicately brushing against the pads of her feet. She let herself quietly slide down the rest of the way.

Remembering he had put his wallet in the back pocket of the khaki's he'd been wearing, she stared feeling around the floor for pieces of clothing.

She found her shirt, her bra, his shoe…and then her hand hit something: a soft material, with a belt still around the waist.

Jackpot.

She glanced back at Jack while she tried to fasten her bra in the dark. It wasn't as easy as she had thought it would be, but it was better to be dressed – somewhat – if he woke up.

Which is exactly what he did.

"Kate?" He asked groggily.

"Yeah." She answered.

"What are you doing on the floor?" The man sat up in bed to see her better, waking himself up even more.

'Shit,' she thought to herself. He was never going to go back to sleep without her in the bed with him. Plus, it looked fishy to say 'oh, I enjoy crawling around on the floor late at night. I find it soothing…you go ahead and go back to sleep' and then just never come back. She was on her hands and knees searching for the man's pants for Christ's sake!

"I was going to go the bathroom," was the best excuse she could come up with. "I didn't mean to wake you…but while your up would mind telling me wear it is so I don't have to go searching for it," she added quickly to make it believable.

It worked because all at once she was in the hallway outside his bedroom opening the only door on the right…just like he had instructed.

The bright light switched on with a click and Kate instantly regretted it; the small twinge of a headache she had suddenly intensified. But after a moment of standing still with her hands over her eyes like some four year old would do, she moved to the sink and turned on the faucet. The rush of cool water felt good going down her throat. Kate quickly turned the water to warm after that and splashed her face until she was fully awake. Luckily, she had no makeup on so she didn't worry about staining his hand towel when she dried off.

She exhaled deeply, leaning over the sink once more as a wave of nausea washed over her.

'Gotta love a hangover,' she thought to herself with distain. She sighed again and looked around his bathroom. An olive green with ivory accents. It was a nice combination, especially for a bathroom. There was a painting of a lily in the same colors on the wall above the toilet. Everything was clean and neat. Kate was surprised since he was the only one living in the house. Usually men were pigs.

Looking back to the sink she noticed the toothbrush holder had two toothbrushes in it. One clear and one an opaque pink. It took a minute for it to set in but then she'd remembered his speech about his wife divorcing him. It must have been fresh since none of his wife's things were out of the bathroom.

Two ivory towels, two toothbrushes, two washcloths, and a set of matching shampoo and conditioner sat on the edge of the shower.

"Smart move, Kate." She whispered. "You've gotten yourself involved with a guy who can't even bring himself to get rid of his wife's shampoo." She spoke to her reflection like it was her best friend, advising it to go back to bed with him until he fell asleep and then get the hell out of there.

Heeding her own advice she made her way back to the bedroom, hoping that Jack would be asleep. No such luck.

She walked back into the room to find Jack sitting up in bed, reading the book that had been right next to his alarm clock.

"Better?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah." She answered with a sheepish smile. She bent down to pick up her clothing and put it next to her pack so she could head straight out of the room next time; forget the man's wallet.

Jack stared at her while she tidied up after herself. She was really thin. Probably a little on the unhealthy side but he decided to put it away. Her hair was tousled and sexy, framing her face just right. She reminded him of a Victoria's Secret model standing at the foot of his bed in a matching bra and panty set. Kate was gorgeous.

He felt a little guilty about sleeping with her. Not that he didn't enjoy himself but he kind of thought it looked a little trashy. At least when he tried to be an objective observer it did.

Man divorces wife. Man picks up girl in bar on the same day. Man has hot sex with girl repeatedly before leaving her and going to work, knowing that she won't be there when he got back.

Sounded like a bad porn film.

But for some unexpected reason he hoped that Kate wouldn't leave. There was something about her. Something he liked…but he didn't know anything about her. How can you like someone you don't know?

"You read a lot?" She asked as she crawled back into bed beside him.

"Umm…I guess you could say so." He bent back the cover so she could see what he was reading.

"John Grisham…not bad." He was reading The Firm. Kate had never read it but she'd heard great things about it.

"Yeah…I've read it twice already but I keep finding things I missed before. I love something like that. You know…the one's that never get old." He watched her nod in agreement. "You read a lot?" He asked back.

"Oh…" she replied taken off guard. He could tell she didn't get asked that very much. "I do when I get the chance. I like the classics myself. Of Mice and Men, A Separate Piece, Wuthering Heights…" She looked thoughtful for a moment. "The Bronte Sisters are my favorite author, but Jane Eyre is probably my favorite book."

There was a comfortable silence between the two. Jack looked back at his book even though he wasn't reading.

"Thanks…nobody really asks me questions like that anymore." She pulled the covers over her half naked body like she was embarrassed. "I like it when people take an interest in me. Normally guys don't care."

Jack smiled to himself. It was nice to know that she appreciated their little conversation. "I care." He said. It wasn't meant to be some confession like in the movies with the music playing in the background, he wasn't sure if she heard but when he looked at her she was staring back at him; her emerald colored eyes boring into him like he was insane. But there was a small line of tears forming along her long lashes.

He half expected her to say something but she just leaned forward and kissed him. It was a soft, gentle kiss. Her hands rested delicately on his chest while his hands moved to either side of her face. Kate loved how tender he was. Not many were…

He pulled back. "What was that for?" His hands still lingered on her face and gently wiped away a single tear that had escaped.

"I don't know. For being kind. For being good."

"It's not that hard." She shook her head slightly against his grip. "No? Why…is it hard?" His eyes glistened with wonder at how fragile she had become in the last few minutes. There was something special about her. He was sure of it now. Kate was different than any other girl he had met and he'd met plenty in his lifetime.

She bit her lip at his question. "It just is for some people." And with that she kissed him again. Only this time it deepened and there was no more conversation.

_A/N: Sorry it took so long…I'm a bad author! I've been having such a hard time with this for some reason. I'm trying to push myself with this story. I know where I want it to go but I don't just…you know, what it to go there. I don't know how to make it clearer than that. _

_Well, sorry again for how delayed I was. Affirmations always help…leave a review!_


	5. Listen to your head or your heart

Jack sat up in bed, light now spilling though the curtained windows. Glancing at his clock, he saw that he was going to be very late for work. He decided it was best not to go in at all. He had a slight hangover and refused to be like him…

With some distain he got up, slid on the pair of khakis he had been wearing the day before, and walked as quietly as he could toward the door, Kate inadvertently catching his eye. She was still asleep like he wished he were.

She was lying on her stomach. Her hair flipped over one shoulder exposing her back. His sheets were wrapped around her in an alluring manner only making her sleeping form more attractive. Traveling up her body, Jack let his eyes settle on her face. Half buried by her pillow, he could only see half of the features that made her as strikingly beautiful as she was. Her arms were charmingly tucked under her pillow allowing her shoulder to compromise her comfort but it didn't seem to bother her.

An overwhelming feeling of wanting to know her washed over him again. He wanted to know her whole name, her favorite ice cream, where she stood in politics. So many things…little things…that made her Kate. He wanted to understand them. More than anything he wanted to understand…

'No,' he thought to himself, he had just gotten divorced yesterday. 'You don't find someone you want to _understand_ the day after you divorce your wife!'

So, his slight smile turned into a scowl as he walked out of the room.

000

Kate didn't sleep much later than Jack. The smell of food was overpowering her will to stay asleep.

So, she sat up in bed, not caring where the sheets fell. Her headache was worse than she thought it was going to be. Regret filled her body for stepping foot in the bar. She didn't need to.

She took it back…she needed to. More than anything she needed to. What she didn't need is was the reminder that she had done it when she got up in the morning.

"Ugh…" she complained to herself. However, she made it to her backpack to pull out a pair of pajama pants and a white tank top. Kate did have the decency to be clad in real clothing when she went downstairs.

Jack could hear her come down the stairs. It was hard not too since the third to the last step coming down had a terrible creek to it. "How did you sleep?" He asked loudly so she could hear him from the other room.

"Shhh…" he turned around to find her seating herself at his kitchen island. "Not so loud next time." Kate sat holding a hand over one eye, her fingers sprawled out over the stretch of her forehead, while the other hand pushed back the stray curls that landed in her face. Jack knew she was trying to make it look like it wasn't a big deal so she didn't have to ask for help. He poured her a glass of water and handed her two aspirin anyway. "Thanks." She whispered with her eyes closed.

Watching her sympathetically, he took note that she only took one sip of her water and then pushed it back. "Drink up. The water is going to help you more than the aspirin will." He laughed a little to lighten the mood. That and he found her predicament slightly amusing.

"Don't laugh. It's not funny." She said pathetically with her eyes closed. She guzzled down the rest of the water like he had directed and then got up to see what he was cooking.

Egg omelets with a bunch of vegetables, ham, and bits of home cooked bacon. She smiled to herself. "You're going to hate me for this…but I'm a vegetarian." She waited for his response.

"Oh…" he looked, to some extent, embarrassed. "I know. I always have two enormous omelets for breakfast. Psh…no big deal. I'll just make yours without." Kate thought his sarcastic attitude hilarious for some reason. Probably because he didn't look like that kind of guy. Now, she found herself laughing hysterically only making her head pound even more.

As her laughter started to die down, she wiped the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes and noticed that Jack was laughing equally as hard.

"I'm sorry." She said in basic.

"What do you have to be sorry about?" He set the second meat omelet to the side. "I should have asked. I didn't even think about it."

"It's okay. You've probably never had to worry about cooking breakfast for a vegetarian before. Do you even know any vegetarians?"

Jack thought for a long moment. The sound of the eggs sizzling in the pan was the only noise in the kitchen. "No." He snorted. "I don't think I've ever met someone who didn't like meat."

"Mmm…" She moved around his kitchen taking everything in. It was just as tasteful as his bathroom. Creamy yellow walls with deep red highlighting made the room extremely cozy. A warm oak wood was used for the cabinets as well as granite countertops.

"This is a really nice place you've got here. The interior design is amazing." She traveled back to the island in the middle of the room.

"Thanks…my wife did most of it." She could tell he was hesitant to say it. Although, she couldn't blame him. It was most likely the last thing he wanted to talk about.

He set the newly made 'vegetarian' omelet down in front of her and joined her at the island across the way. The chatted causally through breakfast and cleaned the dishes together. Neither of them mentioned the divorce.

Later that day, after both of them had bathed and tidied up the bedroom, Kate came down the stairs for a second time; this time with her pack in toe.

"I guess…I guess I better get going." She said awkwardly.

"You don't have to." Jack offered. The strange part was Kate could tell Jack was being sincere.

"Thanks…but…" Kate struggled for a reason to leave. She didn't want to. Why? Why couldn't she leave this guy that was supposed to be like all the others. Was it because somehow she saw something in him that she liked? Something that she saw in Matt during the first stages of their relationship?

Everything had been so easy with him. The conversation wasn't forced and they seemed to enjoy each other's company. They agreed on work ethics and…just things.

Kate like that they agreed on things; Non-important issues that she got annoyed with other people over.

Was there something there? Kate wondered if she should just roll with it. Go with the flow. Should she try to ride it out for as long as she could? Or would it just end up like Matt…stale and unwanted. She didn't want that again. Not so soon.

"Go for a walk with me."

"What?" Kate asked snapping out of her stupor.

"Go for a walk with me." He repeated. "It's so nice out today and I…I would like to spend more time with you."

Kate thought about it for a minute. Her head was telling her to politely refuse and walk out of Jack's life. At least it wouldn't be awkward when and if they met again. 'Leave on a good note.'

Her head was telling her 'no' but her heart was telling her to take a chance.


	6. Playing 20 Questions

_Her head was telling her 'no' but her heart was telling her to take a chance._

The brunette inhaled the wet April air. She was taking the walk.

It was funny how she said it in her mind as 'The Walk', like it was so much more important than other walks she'd had, like it was imperative to her future or something. She thought it was funny how somehow it had become a proper noun. The fact that somewhere between Jack's house and the park just down the street 'The Walk' becoming capitalized made her chuckle to herself.

"What?" Jack looked at her with playful eyes. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." She returned his smile.

He looked incredibly debonair with his hands shoved into the pockets of his brown leather jacket. Underneath he was wearing just a plain white t-shirt and a pair of nice jeans. Casual was a smart look for him.

They hadn't spoken yet. It was comfortable just being with each other but the lack of discussion was making Kate a little crazy.

"So…" she trialed off preparing him for conversation. "Do you work Mr. Shepard?"

"Actually, it's Dr. Shepard."

_Kate set foot in the bar and immediately set her eyes on the gentlemen with the scotch. He was handsome…in his own way but it was enough to attract her. He was dressed in nice clothing, nicer than they should have been for being in a bar, which suggested wealth. Money was what she was looking for._

"_Hi there," she said sitting down on the open barstool beside him._

"_Hello yourself." He returned her greeting and gave her the once over with his eyes. She was dressed to kill in tight jeans and a little black blouse that exposed just the tiniest bit of her black lacy bra. "What's your name sweetheart?"_

"_Amy." She smiled confidently. " How about yourself?" She eyed him seductively._

"_Matt. Matt Holloway. Nice to meet you Amy -? " he trailed off and stuck out his hand._

"_Amy Daggat." She allowed him to take her hand, which he proceeded to bring up to his lips and lay a gentle kiss on her knuckles. He looked up at her giving her a tender stare._

"_I think you need a drink. What would you like? I'm buying." He smiled in an engaging manner and waved for the bar tender._

"_I'll take…a long island iced tea." Kate licked her lips and then bit her lip still staring at Matt._

"_Here you are ma'am." The bar tender set her glass on a napkin much quicker than she'd intended. She hadn't been planning on drinking. She usually got a beer and backwashed so she wouldn't impair herself. It was always harder to stay awake after the sex if she was a bit on the tipsy side._

'_Oh, well. A drink never hurt anybody.' She thought to herself._

"_You know…you look like an iced tea kind of person."_

"_Really?" She asked, using her tongue to play with her straw._

"_Yeah. I like iced tea too."_

_They smiled at each other but not sexually like the first time. This time it was real._

"_So what do you do for a living Mr. Holloway?" She stopped playing with the straw long enough to take a real sip of her drink._

"_Actually, it's Dr. Holloway." He held his head proudly. "A pediatrician to be exact."_

"_Wow…you must be really good with kids." She mused in amazement._

"_Yeah…I hope to have a handful of my own someday." The statement was almost wistful. He seemed very passionate about his job and about what he wanted out of life. _

_That was something Kate envied. It was something Kate wanted. Something she found attractive._

_There was little conversation after that. She meant for it to be a one-night stand, just like all the rest but it turned out to be so much more._

"Hello! Earth to Kate!" Jack waved his hand in front of her face to get her attention.

"I'm sorry." She giggled. "I was daydreaming. Um…what kind of doctor are you?"

"I'm a spinal surgeon. And what do you do?"

"Oh, I work a lot of odd jobs. It depends on where I am and how long I intend to be there. Lots of things."

"Do you travel a lot?" He asked sounding interested.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

"Where all have you gone? If I wasn't tied down by my work I would probably travel a lot too."

"Jeeze, it's probably easier to ask me where I haven't been." She was thoughtful for only a second. "I've been to Canada. I've been to Spain; that was a fun trip. I've been to the Caribbean. But mostly I stay in country."

A moment of quiet followed. The only thing to be heard was the sounds of gravel crunching under the couples' feet and the sound of children laughing in the distance.

It was a beautiful park. Kate had never been in it before.

Majestically full-grown oaks lined the gravel walkways and the sun shone through tufts of green just so everything was dimly lit. She couldn't even imagine what it must look like in the fall when the leaves start changing.

There were wide-open spaces just beyond the barricade of trees, probably nice picnic spots or a place to fly a kite. The sound of children laughing suggested a small playground. Kate could just see it: A small set of swings set in sand and a seesaw off to the side. Maybe a marry-go-round.

All of it rolled up nicely to create a wonderfully romantic setting.

"Hey…" he started out. "Do you want to play 20 Questions?" She thought about it a moment.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Mind if I go first?" She shook her head with a look that said 'go right ahead'. "Okay. What's your full name?"

"Katharine Elizabeth Ryan." She lied.

"That's a very pretty name." He smiled shyly at her. "Question number two: Where did you grow up?"

"Iowa." She said matter of factly. "I'm a corn fed girl."

"I never would have guessed that." He said shaking his head.

"Really?"

"Not in a million years. Alright…Favorite color?"

"Ooh…" she sounded impressed. "That's a tough one. I'm going to have to say…it's a tie between green and yellow."

"Interesting choice. Mine is green too."

She shook her head. "Oh no you don't. Save it for my questions."

"Okay." He laughed a little. That was impressive. She made him laugh. He hadn't really laughed since the day Sarah filed for a divorce. "Favorite ice cream?"

"White chocolate raspberry truffle from Haagen Dazs." She replied a little to quickly. Her hand immediately flew to her mouth and her eyes shut tight.

Jack was taken aback, but only for a split second; then he began to laugh. Hard.

"Was that to fast?" Kate giggled at her own replied but she was finding it difficult to control her own growing laughter. Just looking at Jack's handsome face twisted into a huge smile with wrinkled dimples on either cheek was enough to make even the most sober of people snicker.

The doctor wiped at his eyes, bits of laughter still erupting from deep with in him. "I don't know why that was so funny, but I needed it."

Kate still chuckled gaining control once again. She was sure that they looked like to teenagers. If fact that's kind of how she felt. The two of them walking in the park standing just far enough part that they could reach out and touch each other, sharing side glances and flirty smiles.

It made Kate long for the old days when everything was simple and all you had to worry about was who you were dating and what time you had to be home. Everything used to be so easy; all the problems were solvable and nothing was set in stone. Now it seemed like everything went wrong and she had gotten herself into serious trouble. Her life had become so complicated in the last few years. Kate wished with every bone in her body that she could go back.

After that, Kate was in a melancholy mood. She didn't let Jack know that but for some reason the spark that had lit the afternoon was gone. They finished their game of 20 questions with a few more laughs and decided to head home for dinner.

As they sat in front of the TV eating pizza – Jack's pepperoni, Kate's veggie – Kate went back to thinking about how much she'd learned about the man sitting next to her. He had told her little things like he liked his coffee with just cream, his favorite ice cream was rocky road, and secretly his favorite movie was There's Something About Mary. He told her little things that made her feel so close to him.

She stole a look across the couch and watched him take a bite of pizza. Kate smiled to herself. He was so honest and decent. It scared her only earlier that morning that she was with him but now…now she thought that she might be able to trust him. Jack listened like Matt didn't. He cared enough to ask her what her favorite cocktail was and whether or not she actually liked tofu. No one she had ever been with had asked her that.

With that she set her pizza down on the coffee table and leaned over, catching Jack's attention, and stole his lips in an appreciative kiss.

Looks like she was staying another night.


	7. Only the Good Die Young

_A/N: 257 hits last chapter…2 reviews. Somehow I think I'm getting gypped. I know I sound like I'm being a bit demanding, you know, by asking you guys as readers to waste thirty seconds of your twenty-four hour day typing a simple review to tell me whether or not you like the story, but it really does push me to get done faster and besides…it puts a smile on my face to know that I did the same for you! Sounds sappy. Well, enjoy!_

She didn't just stay one more night. She stayed for a little over two weeks. It was eighteen days longer than she had ever intended to stay and she couldn't even bring herself to think about leaving now.

The two had made it so that they were living together. No one had ever even tried to discuss it, it just kind of happened. It seemed incredibly natural. Jack never said anything, just smiled, when Kate crawled into bed with him, or when she was still sitting in his living room when he got home from work, or when she had dubbed the second ivory towel in his bathroom as her own. It baffled her a little that it didn't bother him. He had known her for roughly two weeks and she was living with him…made his home her home.

That was another thing. It had become home. For some reason it didn't feel like she was just spending the night, like most couples do, she actually woke up in the morning with a purpose to take care of the house and to take care of him. Kate had never pegged herself as the domestic type, in fact she'd tried it before and it hadn't worked out, but this time it was different. She would wake up, take a shower, and plug in Jack's iPod to the speakers and wash dishes, or vacuum. She did something everyday whether it be grocery shopping, or laundry, it gave her a reason to stay.

This particular evening she had decided to cook dinner for Jack instead of him cooking for the both of them. She had decided on a cheesy rice casserole of some sort that she got from a magazine she had leafed through while waiting in line at the store.

So, there she was standing in the kitchen, Billy Joel blasting through the speakers in the living room, her hips bobbing with the music, while she chopped celery and peppers for her dinner concoction.

_Come out Virginia, don't let me wait  
You Catholic girls start much too late  
aw But sooner or later it comes down to fate  
I might as well be the one_

well, They showed you a statue, told you to pray  
They built you a temple and locked you away  
Aw, but they never told you the price that you pay  
For things that you might have done...  
Only the good die young  
that's what I said  
only the good die young, only the good die young

The slender brunette sang along, loudly, to the booming music in the background as she poured her chopped vegetables into her mixing bowel along with the cooked rice.__

You might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd  
We ain't too pretty we ain't too proud  
We might be laughing a bit too loud  
aw But that never hurt no one

So come on Virginia show me a sign  
Send up a signal I'll throw you the line  
The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind  
Never lets in the sun  
Darlin' only the good die young  
(whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa)  
I tell ya  
only the good die young, only the good die young

By now, Kate was so into singing along with the song that she had dropped everything that had to do with cooking and started using her wooden spoon as a microphone. She belted the song out confidently, sure that no one else was around but suddenly as the saxophones revved up for her favorite part of the song, Jack slid through the kitchen door in socked feet, his tie undone, shirt tails sticking out and struck a pose to sing:__

You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation  


Kate jumped thinking the worst for only a moment then laughed and started singing along again. She sped over to Jack and held out the spoon so they could both sing into it.

_You got a brand new soul  
mmmm, And a cross of gold  
But Virginia they didn't give you quite enough information  
You didn't count on me  
When you were counting on your rosary  
(oh whoa whoa)_

They say there's a heaven for those who will wait  
Some say it's better but I say it ain't  
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints  
the Sinners are much more fun...

You know that only the good die young  
oh whoa baby  
I tell ya  
only the good die young, only the good die young

Jack took Kate's hand and twirled her around the kitchen. She laughed as they kept singing, both rapidly running out of breath from the strain of dancing and singing full force. They just beamed and breathed the words heavily. __

You say your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation  
Aww She never cared for me  
But did she ever say a prayer for me? Oh whoa whoa

Come out come out come out Virginia don't let me wait,  
You catholic girls start much too late  
Sooner or later it comes down to fate  
I might as well be the one,  
You know that only the good die young

I'm telling you baby  
You know that only the good die young  
Only the good die young  
Only the gooooooooooooooood  
Only the good die young  
Only the gooooooooooooooood  
Only the good die young  
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo oooooooooo...

When the song was over she went back to the counter, breathing hard, a huge smile still hung on her lips, and picked up where she left off.

"So what are we having? And since when do you cook?" Jack moved over to her wrapping his arms around her waist.

"A rice casserole, so I can eat the same meal as you, and I can cook…you just always get to it before me." She turned around, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly as if to say 'welcome home'. "Surprise." She flashed him a toothy grin and twirled back to cooking.

"Surprise is right." He pushed the hair off of her neck and kissed it before going up stairs to change out of his suite and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He came and took a seat at the island and hummed the song they had just been listening to. The music had since been turned down several notches; most likely Kate had done it so they could talk. "I love that song. You know…the good really do die young."

Kate didn't say anything right away, just buzzed about the kitchen, finally getting the dish into the over. "Well, if that's the case, then I'm living forever." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

Jack scoffed at her and pulled out the bar stool next to him, motioning for her to come and sit. "You know my friend Mark really wants to meet you."

Kate glared at him. "We've been together for like…a week. I hardly think I need to be meeting your friends and family."

"Please, Kate, don't be so modest. You're fun and I'm sure everyone will love you."

"Jack…" she looked him square in the eye. "I don't want to be the transition girl." He looked confused. She sighed. "You just got divorced. Everyone is going to look at me and think that I'm just the first thing to come along. No one expects relationships like these to last." The doctor's eyes looked hurt at the mention of the divorce. "We'll wait a little while. How's that?" Kate tried to make the incredulous comment sound a little less harsh by promising him she would meet everyone in due time.

After that she'd asked how his day was and they veered away from the subject of meeting people. He had told her everything at work had gone perfectly, which put him in a wonderful mood all through dinner. They talked and laughed, didn't even pay attention to the songs in the background until another Billy Joel piece started filtering through house.

_Oh, Oh, Oh  
For the longest time  
Oh, Oh, Oh  
For the longest time_

If you said goodbye to me tonight  
There would still be music left to write  
What else could I do, I'm so inspired by you  
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone  
Now I know that happiness goes on   
That's when you found me, when you put your arms around me  
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, Oh, Oh  
For the longest time  
Oh, Oh, Oh  
For the longest time

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall  
And the greatest miracle of all  
Is how I need you, and how you needed me too  
That hasn't happened in the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long   
But you feel so right  
And I could be wrong  
Maybe I've gone this far  
And it's more than I'd hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on  
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone   
I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is  
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start  
I said to myself, hold on to your heart  
Now I know the woman that you are  
It's wonderful so far  
And you're more than I'd hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings  
I have been a fool for lesser things  
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that  
I intend to hold you for the longest time 

Kate just listened to the words intently. It seemed the perfect song for the mood. It was a good representation of her and Jack's relationship.

She wasn't sure how she felt about Jack. She liked him…maybe more than she should. He was a very decent person. The exact opposite of what she was. How could something work out if people are the exact opposite?

She looked up when Jack took hold of her hand from across the island. "You alright?"

Kate thought for only a second. "Yes. I'm alright." She smiled to herself. 'At least…I'm going to be,' she thought. _  
_

_Review!_


	8. Wanting the Unobtainable

_A/N: Thanks to all that reviewed! It means a lot to me. Now, on with the story!_

Kate rolled over in bed, still half asleep, and didn't feel Jack on the other side. Slightly pulled out of her stupor, she sat up and vaguely remembered him kissing her on the forehead and telling her that he was off to work.

She had the whole day to herself and a shower was first on her list of things to do, so she slowly got out of bed still contemplating going back to sleep as she stepped into the two person bathroom. Thankfully it wasn't long before a gush of warm water woke her up completely.

It wasn't like her to be this tired. She'd been like this for about a week and she was wondering if she was coming down with a cold.

'I do tend to sleep more when I'm sick,' she reasoned with herself. Kate just shook it off and went downstairs to make herself something to eat, but after looking though the whole refrigerator and every cabinet for something substantial, and not finding anything, she decided on a bowl of Captain Crunch. She vowed after breakfast to go to the market and get 'real' food for the rest of the week.

000

Jack flipped through the files and picked up his load for the day. He took a deep breath and suddenly thought of Kate. The doctor smiled at the memory of her earlier that morning; how she reacted when he kissed her and told her he was off to work.

She had said 'I love you'. Did she say it on purpose? Was it a Freudian slip? Did she say it because it fit into whatever kind of dream she was having?

Did _he_ love her?

He loved having her around. He loved the way she made love to him, the way she smelled right after her shower, he loved how peaceful she looked when she slept. He loved everything about her.

Did that mean that he loved _her_?

He barely knew her. Besides, she was right when she had said it was to soon after the divorce to talk about things that would make them a serious couple.

But hadn't he felt more for her in the last month they had been together than he had felt for Sarah after three years of marriage?

Confused, he shook his head, trying to release any thought that might distract him from his work. A swift slap on the back helped too.

"How are you this morning, Buddy?" Jack's redheaded companion, Mark, asked cheerfully.

"I have yet to figure out where you get the energy to be so happy in the mornings." He smiled a brotherly smile and greeted Mark with the same swat on the back.

"Coffee my friend. Coffee." Mark collected his charts and quickly glanced through them. "So, did you ever tell me when I get to meet your new girlfriend?"

"No, because she doesn't want to meet anybody yet." Jack didn't look at his fellow doctor sure of what response was coming. He dreaded it because Mark was true to his word but Jack appreciated the concern.

"If I don't meet her how can I know if I approve of her?"

"You trust me."

"I don't trust you."

"I'm sure you don't."

"The last time I trusted you, it ended up in divorce." It was supposed to be a joke but it still cut Jack like an insult. He looked at his friend, smiled widely at him, shook his head, and then started walking down the hall, ready for his first patient.

"I'll be over tomorrow at seven! Make me dinner!" Mark shouted behind him.

Jack closed his eyes in frustration. He knew no matter what he said Mark would come. He always did. Now he just had to deal with Kate.

000

Kate strolled through the grocery store looking for eggs, bread, and orange juice, specifically.

She was bent over the cart, arms crossed, resting all of the weight of her upper body on the small metal rail in route of the cold food section, when she passed by the personal care isle.

'Toothpaste,' she thought. The tube was quickly dwindling away to nothing – it would maybe last another week – and she didn't want to forget. So she veered into the isle and slowly walked toward the end of the isle where the dental care items would be.

On her way there, pink packages of tampons caught her eye. She'd be needing those soon enough and stopped to pluck a box off the shelf. In doing so, however, she knocked off several other boxes.

She bent over quickly to gather them up, trying not to be conspicuous. She piled them up one by one…there were four of them total, and when she went to pick them up another colorful box caught her eye.

First Response. A pregnancy test.

Kate stared at it briefly before grabbing one and putting it in the cart. She skillfully grabbed the toothpaste without stopping and decided that Jack could live without orange juice for another week. With that she headed for to the check out counter.

She tried to be as fast as possible as far as loading the items onto the conveyer belt was concerned. She set the two feminine products next to each other and thought it looked a little odd, so she moved the pregnancy test to the back of her load hopping that no one would notice she bought contradicting goods.

What possessed her to even pick it up? She wasn't late, not yet at least. And Jack had used a condom ever time. At least she thought so. But she had no signs that she was pregnant. No nausea, no increase in appetite, no fatigue.

'Wait,' she thought again. 'Yes, fatigue but it can be caused by anything – not necessarily pregnancy.'

She opted to take it anyway. So now she was sitting in the bathroom waiting for a very long five minutes to be up. She glanced at her watch again. Two minutes left.

Kate wasn't really sure how to feel. The very thought of being pregnant scared her more than anything else. She wasn't cut out to raise a baby…not with the lifestyle she had adopted. And abortion was out of the question. So what options was she left with?

The fear subsided momentarily, allowing a small smile to place itself on her lips. In one more minute she would know whether or not she would be a mother. In secret it excited her. Like every other little girl, Kate had dreams of being a mother, of having a family. But those dreams died along ago. For years she hadn't led the life suitable for a husband, two kids and shaggy dog in the back yard. She knew that but it didn't stop the wanting she felt.

The timer went off.

Two blue lines.

Negative.

Kate sighed not sure if she was relieved or sorry. At least she wouldn't have to worry about it now.

The brunette disposed of the test in the kitchen trashcan, aware that if she threw it away in the bathroom Jack would sooner or later see it.

The rest of her day went normally, but even after supper, Kate couldn't stop thinking about it. There was an uneasiness to the situation that felt foreign to her.

She couldn't want it. But then how could she be feeling remorse for something that was never there? She should be thankful. It was one less thing to complicate her already complicated life.

_Next time: Kate meets Mark…what chaos ensues? And what about the added stress of Kate wanting a baby? What about the fact that Kate "accidentally" said 'I love you' to Jack?_

_REVIEW!_


	9. Meeting Mark

Jack and Kate hurried to finish dinner before Mark got there at seven. Tension and silence had built to an uncomfortable level. The two weren't speaking.

Jack had come home and told Kate that Mark was coming over for dinner; He had not invited him, more rather Mark invited himself. Nevertheless, Kate was pissed. She hadn't been in a great mood before he told her but now it was even worse. And she didn't hold an air of anger but she seemed distracted.

Distracted was bad; Jack had decided. Kate was inattentive and cold when she was "distracted". But he was going to have to suck it up and get along with her for tonight though. He could let Mark think that they were always like this, because in actuality they were better for each other than they were willing to admit.

"Kate you're going to have to talk to me sooner or later. We can't be giving each other the cold shoulder when Mark gets here." Jack had been trying all night to get her to talk to him. His tone had gone from stern and professional, to pleading. "I really want Mark to like you."

There was a small pause before she answered, "He will." Jack just sighed and continued tossing the salad, unsure of what else to do. He glanced at the clock. Six-thirty.

'This is going to be a very long night,' he thought drearily to himself.

Unfortunately things did not get easier in the next half hour. Kate ignored him while making pasta with cooked shrimp. She opted for something with 'meat' in it and she would just pick it out. But with every passing minute she got angrier and angrier with Jack for letting Mark come over in the first place.

"Kate, please." Jack walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Mark is my best friend. If my best friend and my girlfriend don't get along…" he trailed off not knowing what else to say.

"Jack…" Kate finally spoke. "I'm going to let you know right now that I don't intend to let Mark know that I'm…upset with you right now. When he gets here I'll be perfect. Don't worry." She spat the word 'perfect' out as if it were poison. Her hostility was something that surprised Jack. He didn't know that she could be this cross.

"What is your problem, Kate?" Jack asked and let go of her. She dumped the pasta into a strainer and emptied the bag of frozen shrimp into a hot skillet. She was obviously ignoring the question.

Getting more annoyed by the second, Jack grabbed her arm in order to get her attention. Her head whipped around, eyes wide with fear, and yelled "Don't!" Jack studied her for a moment. She thought he was going to hit her…

"Kate…I…" he stammered, softening his composure. Just then the doorbell rang. Kate ripped her arm from his hold and went to answer the door.

Mark was startle to see the girl standing in the doorway. Jack usually went for the leggy, blondes and here stood an averaged height, brunette wearing a pair of jeans, a black, short-sleeved, button up blouse and no shoes. She welcomed him warmly and led him to the kitchen.

"Smells great." He commented following her closely, even though he knew Jack's house inside and out.

"Shrimp pasta. I hope you like seafood." She smiled hopefully.

"I do, I do." He returned the smile and stepped into the kitchen. "Hey, Buddy!" He went and shook Jack's hand and then leaned in for an awkward, manly hug.

Kate excused herself, "I'll be right back. I'm going to go set the table," and then left the room leaving the two men alone. "Jack could you stir the shrimp? And Mark…there's drinks in the fridge." She yelled from the dinning room.

The boys gave one another a look. "Wow," was all Mark said. "She's definitely not what I expected."

Jack noticed the surprise in his voice. "Now tell me what you really think," he replied with sarcasm and handed his friend a bottle of water.

Mark nodded and pursed his lips. "She's pretty. She's friendly…Honestly, Jack…" He sauntered over to the stove where the spinal surgeon was, "She's not your type."

"Now how can you say that? You've known her for like…what, a minute and a half." His tone was hushed so Kate wouldn't overhear.

"You did ask my opinion." Jack sighed and nodded, realizing his own foolishness. "You usually go for the bimbo's. You know the irritating blondes, with great bodies, who don't stick around. What made you want her?" Mark inquired while taking a swig of his water.

"To tell you the truth…I don't know. There was just something about her. She's honest, and kind. She's fun…in more way than one if you know what I mean." Mark playfully punched Jack in the shoulder, smiling madly. "Just talk to her okay. Tell me what you think of her then." His red-haired friend agreed just in time to have Kate re-enter the room to ad the final touches to dinner.

After that, they all sat in the dinning room and drank red wine with an 'exquisite meal' as Mark had put it. They talked about the hospital (about Mark being a plastic surgeon) and Mark's family. They talked about sports, particularly football, and somehow made it back around to cooking. All in all, Jack had considered the evening a success; now he just had to have a talk with Kate. One that he was sure wouldn't be pretty.

"I'm going to clear the table if everyone's done." Kate announced, standing up and taking plates from Mark and Jack.

"I'll help you." Mark stood up and to help clear the table. The two carried the dirty dishes into the kitchen and set them in the sink.

"So you don't think I'm his type." Kate started. She turned the water on to muffle the conversation.

Mark hung his head, sorry that she had heard him say it. "Yeah. But it's not a bad thing necessarily."

"How so?"

He thought for a minute, trying to choose his words carefully. "You are so much more stable than they others. Does that make sense?" She nodded. "You're down to earth. And you take pretty good care of him it seems." They shared a smile.

"But what about Sarah? From what I heard she was stable, right?"

"She left didn't she?" Kate looked away, her question answered. "You're not bad. Just not his type." She nodded. "He needs someone like you."

Kate looked back up at Mark. He was being totally sincere. It was in that moment that she realized how much Mark must care for Jack to be completely honest with her like that. She could see it in his eyes – they'd been through more together than most brothers.

Suddenly Jack walked in ruining their moment. "You guys okay?" He asked with caution.

"Yeah." Mark answered not tearing his gaze away from Kate. "Look, it's getting late. I should get going."

"I'll walk you to the door," Jack piped.

"Nice meeting you." Kate called after them.

"So?" Jack asked the second they were out of earshot.

"So…she's good. I like her."

"I knew you would." They both leaned in for another awkward hug before Mark walked out the door, leaving Jack leaning against the doorframe.

"Don't let her go Jack. She could be the one for you." Mark called out before driving away. Jack just stood, taken aback, in the warm, misty, May air.

'She could be the one for you'…

'She could be the one for you'…

'She could be the one for you'…

The phrase echoed over and over again in his head. It surprised him a little because it was something he'd been thinking for a while now. He hadn't told Mark how much he cared for Kate so having him say something of that caliber was almost a sign.

She had said that she loved him the day before…but she had been half asleep. He had waited to see if she said anything when he came home yet she said nothing…almost like she didn't remember saying it. But still…she said it.

"Jack? You alright?"

He turned around to see Kate standing in the hallway. She was so incredibly beautiful with the way her curly hair framed her face, her eyes quiet, lips slightly parted. She looked so innocent just standing there, waiting for him. It hit him like a ton of bricks.

It only took three steps to get to her but when he did he took her face in his hands, looked deep into her fire, green eyes and kissed her.

Kate stumbled backwards in shock but quickly welcomed the contact. She felt one of his hands move to her back to steady her, while the other remained set on the back of her neck, cradling her head, as his thumb ran over her cheek.

Soon they parted but only for a second before Kate leaned in again. This time the kiss was deeper, hungrier. His tongue prodded at her lips, begging for entrance. She granted him access and embraced the attention she'd craved from him. Her hand slid from his chest to around his back, holding him even closer; their bodies intertwined so intricately, they supported each other for balance.

Kate pulled away, out of breath, and looked at Jack with hazy eyes. "What was that for?"

He shook his head, not ready to put it into words even though he'd never been more sure about anything in his life. He flashed a smile at her and kissed her again.

All of his feelings of angst from earlier that evening were wiped away as he found himself carrying her up the stairs. He was going to do more than have sex with her tonight. He was going to make love to her.

_Next time: Some pillow talk, that may lead somewhere substantial…if you know what I mean…and a visit from someone who Kate hasn't met yet._

_Review!_


	10. Sarah Stopped By

His fingers traced small circles onto her skin. It was amazing what great sensations came from such small contact. He could feel her body relax under his hand, as if she melted away, her breathing becoming deep and even.

"Kate?" He whispered, wondering if she was still awake.

Silence.

"Kate?" He asked again only a little louder this time. Still no answer, so he leaned over to see if her eyes were closed; they were. Continuing to run his fingertips across her back, he settled into bed trying to unwind.

"You know…" he said in a hushed tone, "I really like having you with me." He thought quietly for a moment, letting the silence overtake the room. "I should probably tell you this when you're awake, but I don't want to pressure you into saying anything back…still, I need to tell you something." He looked again to make sure her eyes were still closed.

"I think I love you, Kate Ryan." He waited a moment as if he were expecting a reply. It felt good to say it. Better than he thought it would, but in the same instance…disappointing. It was anticlimactic. He had, in his own mind, made it out to be such and achievement – saying that to her – and now she wasn't even awake to hear it. Yet he felt as if a weight had been lifted. Like something in him had been released.

On the other hand, part of him was glad she couldn't respond. One: because he didn't want her to say it just because he had said it, and two: he was afraid that things might be moving a bit to quickly. When he was seventeen, a month seemed like a long time to be with someone. Now that he was older he realized it's not a very long time at all. Spending then length of your lifetime with someone; now that was a long time. But it was something he wanted.

"I'm extremely aware that it's only been a month since my divorce was finalized and you left Matt, and I shouldn't be feeling these things, but I am. I'm crazy about you." He laughed softly just thinking about it.

He had gone into this relationship expecting nothing and gaining everything. He was head over heels for the girl lying next to him and he knew it. "I love it when you smile…it just makes you even more beautiful than you already are. I don't think you're aware of how you can light up a room. And I love your eyes. I love the way the wind blows your hair when we go on walks…I even love the fact that you're a vegetarian." Jack could see her so vividly in his mind, picking at a salad, sitting so delicately balanced with one leg wrapped up underneath her and reading the newspaper. He smiled…there wasn't a thing he would change about her.

"I have to confess, I don't believe in love at first sight, but I think this is pretty damn close. I finally understand what people mean when they say ' they just know' that they love someone." He stopped drawing on her and lay back in bed. It was amazing – this feeling – when he let himself get lost in it. He was happy to know what this felt like because he couldn't ever remember feeling like this with Sarah.

Kate flirted with the line between awake and asleep, accidentally hearing everything Jack had to say. Surprisingly, it didn't scare her like she thought it would. Usually when it got to this point in a relationship, she felt uneasy and awkward, but this was different. Maybe because he had said it with no objective of hearing it back. He had said it with no strings attached.

She smiled faintly in her almost asleep state. She was happy with Jack. That was something she hadn't felt in a very long time.

000

When Kate came around it was a little after eleven. She groaned and dropped her head back into her pillow, pouting about how long she'd slept. But then again…she normally didn't do things like this and last night had been more intense than usual. And now she knew why. Smiling to herself, she rolled out of bed to take a shower.

Unfortunately for her the day moved slowly. She kept looking at the clock every half hour and she kept getting disappointed that it was still another umpteen hours until Jack came home. Kate had been finding herself more and more eager for Jack's arrival each day. It was like having a crush on him, only she had it better. Each night she got to lay down in bed with him, she got to eat dinner with him, watch a movie with him…

She tried in vein to keep herself busy by doing dishes and laundry but when that was done she felt a lack of constructiveness. Opting to watch TV for a while, she claimed the last can of diet coke, took possession of the remote, and made herself at home on the couch.

The next thing Kate remembered was stirring slightly from a deep sleep at the sound of the door opening. Noticing that the lights outside had dimmed almost completely she knew it was Jack and didn't get up to welcome him home. He would probably take a shower and then come back downstairs, find her there on the couch and sit with her for the rest of the evening.

Satisfied that she had a few minutes yet to catch some sleep, Kate rolled over and snuggled into the crease of the couch where the cushions met. She sighed and bid her eyes to close.

"Who are you?"

Kate's eyes flew open at the sound of the unfamiliar voice and her body tensed sending her straight up, ready and alert.

A blonde woman wearing jeans and a tan t-shirt, holding a cardboard box, stood at the end of the couch with a key in hand.

"Who are you?" She asked again with more force.

"Kate." She answered in basic, her voice not portraying the nervousness she felt having a stranger in the house. "Who are you?"

"Sarah Shepard." She eyed Kate with curiosity. "Are you Jack's new girlfriend?"

"Yes." Her teeth grit with instant dislike of Jack's former wife. She stood up and shook her hand anyway. "Mind if I ask why you're here?"

"I came to pick up a few things. I'm sure you've noticed I never really moved out. Thus my key." She held it up so the metal caught the light.

The two women stood in the living room awkwardly for a moment before Sarah said, "I know where everything is, so I'll just be a second."

She left for upstairs leaving Kate downstairs alone. Having finished her coke long ago she went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She threw the can away and headed toward the freezer to get ice. When she opened it, she found three unopened pints of Haagen Dazs White chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream. She smiled, touched at the small gesture that let her know Jack cared, when she heard a heavy thunking noise from upstairs.

Quickly, Kate set down the glass of ice and hurried to help. She found Sarah in the bedroom with one of the drawers completely out of the chest. The blonde was rustling through it rather hastily, pulling out articles of clothing now and then, and stuffing them into her box.

"Everything of yours is in that drawer." Kate started. "He thought it would be easier if you ever came back." She just stood to watch, feeling slightly superior to the woman on her hands and knees.

"Well, wasn't it nice of him to think of me." She sounded unfriendly and sarcastic.

"He was just trying to help. You don't need to dismiss him that way."

"Kate…" Sarah sounded like she was preparing for a long-winded speech. God knew she was probably aggravated enough to give one, but she just released the frustration by exhaling forcefully and went back to work.

When she was done she had a box of mostly clothing, a hairdryer, a jewelry box, and a bottle of perfume. It wasn't nearly what she had left in the house which made Kate wonder if she would make periodical trips like this until it was all with her, wherever she lived now.

"Thanks," Sarah said even though she had nothing to thank Kate for. Then she left the brunette standing in the bedroom totally and utterly confused.

"Sarah!" She called after the other woman, trying to catch her before she left.

Sarah appeared at the bottom of the stairs case. "What do tell Jack?" Kate wondered if she should say anything at all.

"Just tell him that I stopped by." Sarah said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, making Kate feel small and foolish.

Then she left.

Kate was felt bewildered and belittled. Sarah had just blown in and out in less than ten minutes and she hadn't been pleasant either. Was it because she was expecting no one home? Had Kate not been there, Sarah would have practically been breaking into Jack's house.

Did she really want that little to do with him? Was she so pained by him company that she had to wait for him to leave the house and slowly, trip by trip, empty his home of her things?

The brunette also felt threatened by her presence. Not that Sarah would hurt her, but she was afraid that by Sarah coming back Jack would still think about her. She was afraid that if he noticed all of her possessions disappearing ever so slowly that he would start to miss her. Even though he had said he loved everything about her, hadn't he loved Sarah once?

Kate struggled with the puzzle that Sarah was until Jack came home and hour later. He found her sitting in the kitchen – shoulders slumped, eyes listless.

Worried, he dropped everything and hugged her to his chest, burying his face into her hair and inhaling the sent that he'd grown to love. She returned the affection but not quite as forcefully.

He knelt down to her level. "What's wrong?" His voice was gentle.

"Sarah stopped by," was all she said.

_This was kind of a filler chapter. I wanted to put a little fluff in it (thus the beginning of the chapter) and I wanted to introduce Sarah in way that would make her involved but not a main character – like Mark. He's going to play a very major roll later on in the story, but Sarah is just there to increase the tension. Well, tell me what you think! Leave me a review!_

_Next time: A shocking discovery about Kate that could very well change the course of her relationship with Jack._


	11. Author's Note

A/N: I am apologizing profusely for not updating sooner…and again for making you excited just to burst your bubble by making you read an author's note.

School has officially started; along with our first term paper. (I know, I know: isn't it a little soon for term papers? The deal is we get a whole semester to work on it if it's our only grade. I can deal with that.) The only problem is that it's going to take priority over my stories. Sorry…

And also, I'm installing a new computer which means I have to move everything around, delete programs, uninstall hardware to put on the new one…yada, yada, yada…so I'm making yet another lame excuse as to why I'm going on hiatus.

If you can hold on just a bit longer I promise I'll update everyday! I know exactly where I'm going with this so it won't difficult if I can find the time to sit down and do it. You know?

Anyway, thank you for understanding!

Katy


	12. Change in a Heartbeat

_Okay guys…I'm back! Pardon the rustiness; it'll get better the more frequent the updates get. I'm not planning to update every day or anything but I will try to get you a new chapter ever other week or so. Depending on the homework load they may be a little sooner. Then again, everything really is up to you guys and your reviews! Enjoy!_

Sarah 'stopped by' three more times in two weeks and it made Kate a little more nervous every time the met. Sarah was still cold and harsh and most of the time she wouldn't even announce that she was there. Kate would just find her in strange places, taking strange things, and try to strike up a conversation that the blonde would ignore. Sarah tried to make the trips as short as possible but they seemed to last a lifetime to Kate.

She also continued to tell Jack when his former wife made an appearance but she was always afraid to spark the thought of Sarah in his house. Kate was so afraid that he would think about it to much and realize that Sarah was somehow better than she was. Even though Mark had reassured her that she was the better of the two, Kate was still sensitive to the situation.

So sensitive that she had dreamt about it. It was only once; it was the night after Sarah's last visit.

For some reason, in her dream Jack had come home early to find Kate on the couch while Sarah rummaged though things upstairs. Curious, he went to see what was going on. After a lot of yelling, Sarah flew down the stairs in a rage and Jack followed her out the door and didn't come back, leaving Kate on the couch feeling abandoned and alone.

Kate woke in a cold sweat, afraid of the feelings her dream had aroused, and suddenly bolted for the bathroom, waking Jack in the process. He had found her just after she was done vomiting.

Seeing the emotion in his eyes she let him help her back to bed after making her drink a glass of water and he gently rubbed her back until he was asleep.

Glancing at the clock, he saw there was only an hour before he got up to get ready for work, so he opted to go for a jog instead of climbing back into bed for another fort-five minutes or so.

000

Jack loved running. It gave him time to think. He didn't get to do that often in his field of work, even when he came home to Kate every evening they would have dinner where they would talk and then depending on how late he was getting off work they would go straight to bed, go for a walk, or watch TV. He was constantly in motion, not that it bothered him. He had chosen this lifestyle, he embraced it. The only thing he hated was that he didn't have time to sort things out like he wanted to.

So, now he was thinking. He was thinking about Kate and about Sarah, he was thinking about work and Mark who asked constantly about Kate, he was thinking about things that had been said between he and Kate not so long ago and when he should bring it to the surface; he thoughts centered around Kate. But mostly about Kate earlier that morning.

It was not the first time she'd been sick. The first time he'd heard her from the bedroom, she must have left the door open. The next time she'd wised up and went to the downstairs bathroom. She thought she was being sly but little did she know how light of a sleeper he was. Those were the instances where he'd caught her. He had no idea how long it had been going on or how often it happened.

So, Kate was sick. He knew that much, but what was causing it?

He started at the beginning of his medical dictionary and thought of all the symptoms to every disease he knew about, including a few he really didn't want to acknowledge.

The doctor had only gotten through the letter 'c' when he'd rounded the road back to his house.

'Fatigue, nausea…' what else was there he thought? Kate had been eating a little unusually lately. The brunette usually picked at her food when they ate together, never finishing her plate, but as of late she'd been clearing it completely. Jack had thought she'd been taking smaller portions but now he wasn't so sure.

'Fatigue, nausea, increase in appetite.' He listed them again in his mind before he sat down on the front step of his house to cool off before getting a shower.

She was pregnant.

It seemed so simple now that it was laid out in front of him. In fact, hadn't her stomach seemed firmer, her breasts a little fuller? He was well acquainted with her body, how did that slip past him? Jack rested his head in his hands letting his index fingers press into the corners of his eyes.

If what he thought was true, things were going to change drastically. Things within himself were going to change, things in his relationship with Kate were going to change, his house would change, and his life…his life would change.

Overwhelmed, Jack stood back up to take another lap. He had some time left before he absolutely had to leave and he had some more thinking to do.

000

Kate heard him come in. She was already up, in fact she couldn't get back to sleep. She'd been sick yet another time already this morning and a headache was setting in. She was going to pretend that she was asleep so Jack wouldn't worry but that was in vain the minute she felt him sit down next to her on the bed.

"You awake?" He asked gently.

She mumbled to make it sound like she'd just woken up, pushed the pillow she had covering her head off to the side, and sat up to greet him 'good morning'.

"Feeling any better?" He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at whatever he had in his hands. He had it hidden in between his knees so that Kate couldn't see it.

"I little. I think it'll be better once I get up and get something to eat." She smiled thought her lie.

There was a silence that left both of them uneasy. Kate was wondering what Jack was going to say next, and Jack was wondering what Kate would say to his next question.

"I think I already know the answer to this but…" he hesitated. He still didn't look at her. "Are you pregnant?" He could tell the question startled her because she fidgeted with the edge of the blanket and didn't answer. He heard her sigh.

Jack stood up to go and set something on the nightstand next to her.

She immediately recognized it. The color, the font of the writing, and something sunk within her. It was a pregnancy test.

"Take it today, just to be sure." That was all he said before he left.

000

It was late. Much later than he intended to be. It was one of the longest days of his life and something told him it wasn't going to end any time soon.

He laid his hand on the doorknob ready to go in but lingered just a moment. Closing his eyes he reveled in the stillness of the night. The only noise was the wind blowing warm against his cheek. Then he went in.

He saw Kate sitting on the couch reading a book, her hair pulled back into a messy bun leaving small tendrils lying on her neck. Normally, he would have taken the opportunity to kiss her ask her how her day was and then go take his shower but there was an awkwardness about them now.

He felt like they were in limbo. They were in between being in love and not, they were in between being parents and not, they were just stuck in his middle place all of the sudden and made Jack uncomfortable. He had no clue what the hell she was thinking. She didn't look his way so he couldn't even read her face.

Jack pulled off his shirt once he got to the bathroom and threw it in the hamper. He went to lean on the counter to take off his shoes when he noticed it. The test was sitting on top of the box, like it was on display or something. He looked closer. Two pink lines.

Positive.

Carefully he picked it up, not sure how to feel. She caught his eyes through the mirror. She was leaning against the door; arms crossed her book still in her hand.

He turned around and took the book from her, studying the front cover with the same unidentifiable emotion as the test.

What to Expect When You're Expecting. She was reading a baby book and not just any baby book. _The_ baby book.

"I thought I should pick it up after I saw the results." He looked back up to her with a soft expression. She was nervous.

Kate licked her lips and gave him a chance to say something. He didn't. "I've had all day to think about it and…" she took a deep breath, "…and I'm keeping it."

"What does this mean?" He asked.

"I guess this means we've got some talking to do."

_There's no 'Next Time' for now because I want to know, do you guys want the next chapter to be them talking or do you just want and overview so we can move on to the next big thing?_

_It's up do you! Review!_


	13. Finding a Purpose

"You seem pretty sure of this." Jack sipped is coffee. He sat across the island from Kate who fingered the handle of her hot chocolate mug.

"Well, those tests are pretty accurate and I _am_ late."

"How late?" It came out a little more exasperated than he meant. He knew that Kate was nervous; she had avoided eye contact the whole time they'd been talking and it was frustrating him. But he did feel guilty that he was acting as the bad guy in the conversation.

"Only eight days. That's why I didn't even think of this when I started getting sick."

There was a long silence where each of them was wrapped in their own thoughts. Kate let out a sigh and slouched on her stool, her back starting to cramp.

"And you are absolutely sure that you want to keep it?" Jack asked. He'd asked variations of the same question twice already.

Kate looked up for the first time in the forty some odd minutes they had been talking with fire in her eyes.

"Listen…I know you don't want to hear it, because you obviously think this is my fault somehow, but…yes. It's my baby as much as it is yours." Something stirred within her. She didn't know that for a fact. It was most likely Jack's but it very well could be Matt's. She had slept with him up until the very end. To avoid complication she could pretend it was Jack's, when in reality it's what she wanted more than anything – to have Jack's child.

"Kate, I don't think it's your fault. It was my job to use contraception and I obviously didn't do my job. And you know, sometimes these things just happen. Nothing is 100 effective." He reached out his hand and touched hers to let her know he was there. She took it out of pity more than anything. "To tell you the truth, I'm scared." There was a catch in his throat as he confessed it.

"You're scared!?" She snorted. The brunette flipped her hair over her shoulder and giggled nervously. Then she saw how serious he was. She lowered her eyes again. "I'm scared too."

They talked openly for awhile longer before they came to common ground. Kate felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest and Jack's eyes were lighter. They both felt better knowing they were in this together.

"So, we have a plan?" Jack looked for confirmation.

"Absolutely," she smiled.

"Promise me you'll do one thing…" she looked up at him with eyes that said 'anything', "Schedule the first ultra-sound so that I can be there?"

The weight was back compressing her chest. She'd forgotten all about the doctor's appointments. She'd be able to get away with a few, but when they realized she wasn't on file as Kate Ryan they would ask questions. Her heart quickened within her chest.

"Oh, I-I…Jack, I don't…" she stammered looking for an explanation as to why she couldn't go to the doctor's. At least not with him.

"I get it…it's alright to be nervous. But if I'm with you it'll be easier." Jack was so positive now. He was so sure everything was going to be okay when she knew it wouldn't be.

"No, it's not that. I just…Doctor's freak me out. They always have; ever since I was little."

The man looked confused for a moment then melted into a smile. "Would you feel better if I did it?"

"Did what?"

"The ultra-sound."

Kate thought about it for a moment. It might work. Jack would do all the doctor business, turn in all of the information, and another doctor who hadn't seen her would file it all away.

She smiled back at him and nodded. "Could you?"

He nodded.

000

Kate stood in the elevator with Jack by her side. She felt extremely uneasy in public places like hospitals; she thought everybody knew who she really was.

Jack must have noticed her fidgeting and grabbed her hand. "It's going to be fine," he said in a hushed voice even though no one was in the elevator with them.

It was killing her. Jack was getting more excited by the day and she was getting more turned off. Maybe things would get better after she got passed the first appointment?

The doors opened up into a lobby filled with round women and small children. Jack let go of her head and approached the desk with confidence, while Kate was left standing in the doorway looking around.

This was what she was becoming: another woman with a swollen middle in bad print dresses and floppy shirts. 'Maybe I'm not as into this as I thought I was,' she reasoned silently.

She tried to tell herself that this was what she wanted. She tried to put herself in that time and place where she'd taken so many pregnancy tests that all read negative. It had been heartbreaking. The last thing she needed was a baby but she wanted it more than anything.

'I want it. I want it. I want it.' She repeated over and over in her head.

Jack turned around from talking to the receptionist. His eyes landed on Kate. He smiled to himself but it faded quickly when he saw her anxiety ridden face. Three days ago she'd been the sure one, now it was the other way around.

The corners of her mouth were drawn downward slightly and her brow was furrowed, like she was thinking to hard. His heart went out to her.

"Kate. Come on." He motioned to the doors. She followed.

000

The brunette laid out across a table-like bed with her belly exposed to Jack. She had one arm propped underneath her head and the other rested on her chest. The ceiling had no cracks and was as white as white could be. Her eyes flit from each corner of the room to the other in a desperate attempt not to think about anything that was going on.

She exhaled loudly, signifying to Jack that she was ready when he was.

"This is going to be cold." He warned her before he squirted the clear gel onto her stomach.

He heard her hold her breath.

He was so excited. More than he thought he would be. With a few more tweaks of the machine and another soft movement of the controller over Kate's stomach he would see his child. His and Kate's child.

Jack fought back a smile at that thought. He couldn't think of a person more equipped for the job of bearing his children. One of the many things they had talked about the nights before was that they would always be in the baby's life. So whether they ended up married or not, he'd have an excuse to be in her life forever. It was the best part of the arrangement.

He'd thought about it a lot over the last few days and especially a few nights ago but he started thinking that if he didn't have Kate, what did he have? In a very short amount of time she'd become his everything. He was truly in love with her.

"Look." He said quietly.

Kate sat up slightly to see the screen better.

"Right there." Jack pointed to the lower left hand corner of the monitor. Above his finger lay a little dark spot. Not anything to look at really, but knowing it was something more, something so great, it overwhelmed both of them to see it.

"That's it?" Kate asked in awe. The doctor just nodded not taking his eyes of the screen.

The room seemed to spin around them as they stayed perfectly frozen in time. It was everything Kate _hadn't_ expected.

She suddenly realized why she wanted it. She wanted this feeling that came along with a baby; the feeling that she was something to somebody, that she was important. There was this sense of pride that wasn't there before. She was proud she was carrying something so small and precious. She was carrying something that needed protecting, something that needed her.

She had a purpose.

Suddenly her heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest and tears stung her eyes.

"It's amazing." She mumbled.

Jack turned around and met her teary gaze. His was the same. They laughed together.

"Look at us!" He exclaimed while wiping at his eyes. Kate sat up completely to wipe her eyes as well. She felt foolish for feeling this way but she welcomed it whole-heartedly.

Jack took numbers and what not, and then printed out a picture for both of them. They exited the room together, holding hands, eyes still glossy with emotion.

"Was that as bad as you thought it would be?" He asked laying a folder on the nurse's desk to file.

"No." She answered honestly. It really hadn't been as stressful as she thought it would have been. "It was pretty incredible, actually." Her voice was small.

Jack spun her around in front of the elevator and caught her waist bringing her as close as he could, their spontinaity suddenly becoming romantic.

"You are incredible." Then he kissed her with all the passion he could muster.

They broke only moments before the elevator opened. The couple turned to enter when Kate stopped, eyes wide and breath heavy.

"Amy? What are you doing here?"

_Dun, dun, dun! How's that for cliffhanger? Well, I guess it's not really a cliffhanger because you know who saw them but you'll never guess what's going to happen! I'm really excited guys…I don't know about you but this is the most fun I've had writing a story in a long time. So, review and tell me what you think. If I really get on it you may have another chapter before the weekend is over. But that's a major 'if'…_

_Anyway…REVIEW!_


	14. Keeping Secrets

"Amy, what are you doing here?"

Kate was terrified. Matt stood in front of her, eyes wide with betrayal and confusion. How was she supposed to cover this up? Jack knew about _her_ Matt, just the few things she'd shared with him not his whole name thankfully, so he wouldn't recognize it off of his name tag, but Jack had no clue that she was a different woman with Matt. Literally a different woman.

Quickly she blinked a few times. "I'm sorry, who?" She played the dumb card.

"What do you mean _who_!? Amy, you just spent the last year of your life with me and left a note on my kitchen table telling me that it meant nothing to you. The man you left for whoever this is? Don't you remember me?" Matt's voice was angry and hurt. Kate couldn't help but feel a little part of her wither with guilt. Still she kept up the façade.

"I'm so sorry, but I don't know you." With that Jack stepped past him into the open elevator, still holding Kate's hand, she followed.

Suddenly she felt a pressure on her arm. Matt grabbed her and brought her close to him, vengeance written across his face. "I don't know what you're trying to pull, but you can't just…"

"Hey!" Jack interfered. "Let her go, she already said she didn't know who you were."

"Excuse me; do you know what it's like to be in love with this girl?" Jack felt something stir within him; yes he did know what that felt like. He knew very well, but he didn't say a word. Instead he just stared at his fellow doctor and waited for him to continue. "I fell in love with her the moment I heard her laugh. Again when I watched her sleep. And once more when she met my parents. Do you have any clue…any at all…how painful it is to loose that in seconds, and not know why?" Jack didn't say a word. "I didn't think so."

Even more afraid than before, Kate tried to pull away but Matt's grip tightened. "Let me go," She said simply.

"No, not before you tell me why you left." He looked at her with his brown eyes glazing over. "What did I do, Amy?"

"My name's not Amy. I'm Kate." She a deep breath and held it.

Matt stared at her for a long moment. Then knowledge crept onto his face. "No," he said quietly. "No! You're lying!"

That was it for Jack. He punched the other man square in the jaw. Matt fell to the ground, releasing his hold on Kate.

Jack grabbed her quickly and pressed the elevator button, holding her close. He pulled her inside the second the doors opened but just as the doors were closing Matt climbed up off the floor stared at Kate directly and said, "Be careful, she's not who you think she is."

000

Once outside, Kate ran to the grass and as quietly as possible, emptied the contents of her stomach. She felt the hair lift off of her face and knew he was there. Closing her eyes, she tried desperately to catch her breath. Her heart was still beating wildly.

"You okay?" Jack asked, concerned.

"No. But I will be." She rested her hands on her knees and breathed deeply.

Jack just held her hair and waited for her to pull together. If truth be told he felt like vomiting himself. What had just happened was very out of the ordinary and it seemed to shake up Kate more than it should have. That worried him.

"Kate, do you know that guy?" His voice was low and non-threatening.

Kate paused and exhaled loudly. "No."

"Well, he sure seemed to know you."

Kate stood up and looked Jack straight in the eye. "I don't know him. He's obviously confused. He just told us that the love of his life just left him without a word. Honestly, I feel sorry for him. He's not stable." She turned on her heel and started toward the car leaving Jack behind.

000

They hadn't spoken since the day before when Matt confronted Amy through Kate.

Kate had held herself hostage in the bathroom taking one of the longest baths known to man, leaving each other to their devices. Probably the worst thing they could have done.

He fixed them dinner and went to bed early. There he laid there thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days.

Kate had not talked to him in over twenty-four hours, he took inventory. If it was possible she had made him laugh harder than he had in his entire life, he had taken her out to eat in celebration of the baby…he was told he was going to be a father; everything that had happened in the last week or so revolved around her.

He sighed in realization. He didn't know what to do without her. The last day 'without' her had been the hardest he'd endured since he'd met her two months earlier.

He was completely in love with her.

000

Kate climbed out of the tub and reached for her towel on the back of the door. She caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror. Recoiling with her towel she stood up straight still looking at herself, almost as if she was seeing her own body for the first time.

She cocked her head to one side, her hair sticking to her back, and laid a hand on her stomach. To the untrained eye there was nothing out of the ordinary about her, but there was something.

It still felt strange to think that there was something living inside of her. It had a beating heart just like she did. It felt things just like she did. And at that particular moment she was feeling a lot of things.

Overwhelming happiness. Guilt. Desperation. Love.

All of these emotions she worked so hard to suppress were now bubbling up to the surface. She blamed it on overactive hormones but in the end but she knew that's not what it was. It was all her fault. She was the one who was in too deep. She was the one in love with a man that she had no business loving. She was the one who destroyed every life she built with someone. She was the one who was pregnant and happy about it. What killed her is that she shouldn't have been.

She leaned over the sink to look at herself in the mirror more closely.

"You are a fugitive. What have you done?" She asked her reflection, hurt in her eyes. "You should've got out while you had the chance. Now…" she trailed off, hanging her head.

She thought back to the first night she'd spent with Jack. How anxious she was to get away. How scared she was that something would come of her staying…and it did. A sense of relief washed over her knowing that she had made the right choice. For once in her pathetic life she felt like she'd done something right and the sadness came.

Kate looked back at herself, tears starting to sting her green eyes. Shaking her head ever so slowly she whispered, "You don't deserve it."

000

Jack was half asleep when Kate crawled into bed with him. She touched is shoulder and he immediately put out his arms, silently asking her to come to him.

She snuggled into him as if the riff that had been little more than a wall between them the last day and a half had never existed.

Sleepily he kissed her damp hair and stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. She smelled like their soap and couldn't help but smile ever so slightly. And so that's how they stayed for a long while; him holding her and her letting him.

Until Kate couldn't stand that pain in her gut any longer. It was that heavy feeling she always got when she knew she was wrong about something; when she had something to apologize for.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." She said it so quietly she wasn't sure if Jack had heard it or not due to his lack of response. Then he stirred, loosening his grip around her waist.

"You don't have say anything."

"Yes I do." She nodded to no one. "I'm sorry that…"

"That what? That some guy practically attacked you? You have nothing to be sorry about." His voice was soothing despite the seriousness of their conversation.

"No. I'm not sorry for that." Matt shouldn't have done it but she understood why he did it. But it was strange that at his work of all places he would have shone such a display. Then again it was irresponsible of her to not check the name of the hospital before going. She was very aware of Matt's work and had been to the hospital many times. Why hadn't she been more careful? "I'm sorry that he was right." She ended the battle of faults in her mind.

"What was he right about?" Jack asked cautiously.

"He was right about me not being the person you think I am." Her heart beat hard with fear and anticipation. Rolling over to face the man in bed with her swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

He looked tired. The kind of tired that makes everyone look older than they really are, the kind that makes your heart break for them.

She couldn't do it. She was going to tell him everything and let him decide whether or not he still wanted her. She was going to lay all of the cards on the table, but after looking at his face, she couldn't do it.

"What are you talking about, Katie?" He called her Katie, just adding another crack to her already injured heart.

Thanking God that it was to dark for him to see the tears in her eyes; she smiled a small smile and said, "I don't know. I guess I'm just scare, you know?"

He nodded. "Me too. But don't worry. We have plenty of time to whatever we want to do before things get crazy around here." Jack laughed just a little after that.

"Yeah. You're right." Feeling her heart sink lower in her chest than it ever had she closed her eyes to sleep still wrapped up in Jack's strong, secure embrace.

_A/N: Happy New Year everyone! I figured this was an adequate Christmas/New Year's gift. I know I can apologize all I want for not updating sooner but in the end…it doesn't really matter. My New Year's resolution is to finish this story without there being to much wait time. We'll see if I can keep that promise._

_On another note: so sorry this was such a slow chapter. Trust me we are building up to something big. I think it's going to take another chapter and we'll finally get to the meat of the story. Trust me guys…I think you're going to want to hang around to see all of the twists and turns I've got planned for the rest of this story! Review guys…REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!_


	15. When It Gets To Be To Much

_A/N: Here's to keeping New Year's resolutions!_

Jack kissed Kate on the forehead before leaving. He'd been called in on his day off.

"There was an emergency," he'd said. He had gone on to explain why and then just…left.

They had a whole day planned out to do that 'whatever' they had talked about so much since the 'Matt' incident. And he just left.

Kate wasn't one to care about whether he went into work or not on days like this but today was different. Today she was going to open up. She had planned everything out and he had no idea. Had he known he probably would have stayed but…there was no way. She suddenly felt like her life had been put on the back burner.

She got up from the couch and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and started to write down everything she wanted to say.

_Jack,_

_This is hard to say and probably harder to hear, but like the man in the elevator said…there are things you don't know about me._

_So much of me wants to be honest with you and tell you everything because you mean that much to me but I'm afraid after you know who I really am, that you'll hate me like all of the other people in my life. You are the first guy I can remember feeling so…strongly about. I'm having your baby and that's saying a lot considering the kind of person I am._

_I guess I should start at the beginning…_

She suddenly took the pen and drew a line through most of what she'd just written. It was so cold and formal, not the way she wanted to come off when confessing her past sins.

_Jack, _

_I'm not the person you think I am. I'm so sorry I haven't been honest with you from the start but…_

She crossed it out too.

_Jack,_

_I love you. I just want you to know that…_

The phone rang startling her into dropping the pen. Gingerly, she picked up the telephone and said, "Hello?"

"Kate…it's me." Jack's voice said, low and apologetic over the other line.

"Hi. Did you forget something?" She drew circles with her fingers along the couch as she sat down.

"Yeah…my manners." He answered sadly. "I'm so sorry for running out on you like that. I didn't even apologize for ruining our plans."

She smiled sweetly even though he couldn't see her. "Thank you for the apology. I appreciate it."

"Tell you what, when I get home tonight, we'll do something a little more romantic than shopping and going out to lunch, okay?"

"That sounds wonderful, Jack. When will you be home?"

"The surgery will take a few hours…I'll have follow-up paper work to do…" he was talking to himself more than Kate. "I guess around seven. Just in time for a late supper and…maybe something else." His voice had gone from apologetic to seductive in no time flat.

"It's a date." Kate said in the same tone.

"Alright then. I'll see you at seven."

They said good-bye and hung up the phone when Kate was struck with exactly what would make the evening perfect.

Quickly, the brunette grabbed her keys and purse, mentally noted what she'd need as she made her way toward the car. She was going to make a fantastic dinner for Jack and have it waiting when he got home. She'd wear the little black dress she just bought for just such an occasion and give Jack some time before she sprung everything on him.

It was the perfect plan. He'd be so enamored with everything else he couldn't help but see her side of things when she told him what she'd done. It was a stretch but maybe it would work out. Maybe a miracle could happen.

'Not to me,' she thought darkly. But she had to give it a shot.

000

"Thank you," Kate said politely as the cashier gave her the groceries. Almost an hour and thirty dollars worth of food later, she was ready to get started.

It was amazing how much it smelled like spring when she walked outside. She stopped and looked around; everything was green and fresh. In a way, Kate thought, the weather was a lot like her life at that moment: new, and exciting. She was a green person. She had had a chance to start over with Jack and that was exactly what she did.

Now she was planning on ruining it all by telling him things she knew he wouldn't want to hear.

That heavy feeling found its way into her stomach again. She was about to do something that was going to change _everything_. That's when the payphone caught her eye.

She set the brown bag on the ground and slid the dime into it's slot.

Picking up the receiver, Kate looked around at the people walking in and out of the store and judged that no one would hear the following conversation.

"Hello, Marshall…" he didn't get to finish.

"It's me." Her voice was low and forceful.

"Katie." She could almost see him nod over the phone. "It's been too long. Where've you been?" He always tried little clever ways to rouse information out of her. Luckily for her she caught on quickly enough.

"You know…places."

He gave a light chuckle. "I see. Tell me what's new in your life."

She hated how friendly he was. It was all just a front. He was still the man out to arrest her.

Thinking, she let the silence hang in the phone making everything that much more tense. She licked her lips knowing exactly what she wanted to say. "What if I told you I was pregnant?"

Now the Marshall was silent. Kate could hear his breath over the phone as everything became serious. "You know how much that complicates things." It wasn't a question. "How are you going to do this, Katie? You'll have to go to a hospital for regular check-ups. You'll have to have the baby somewhere. And if you get through all of that without me finding you…" his voice was rising, "you'll have a child to take care of while you're running." Kate was finding it harder and harder to keep her breathing even. "Do you have someone helping you? You know, a guy?"

"And what if there is?" She kept her voice like stone.

"You're not serious. You're not going to drag another Tom into all of this are you?"

That one hit home. Kate was dead silent, her breath hitched in her throat. She didn't move…didn't think…just let those words sink in.

Her silence must have been answer enough for him because he went on. "By having this baby, you are only going to hurt the people around you and make it that much easier for me…"

She didn't hear the rest of what he had to say. As quickly as she could, she hung up the phone with a force greater than she had intended, left her groceries sitting by the payphone, and ran to the sanctity of her car.

When she was safe, she let everything hit her: How much danger she was putting Jack in, what a mistake it was to have a baby, how stupid she was for letting things get this far. She realized how much love had blinded her.

With tears stinging her eyes, she put the car in drive and headed for somewhere other than where she was.

000

It was dark when she'd got back to the house. A foreign car was in the driveway; Sarah's car.

Kate couldn't deal with Sarah at the moment.

"Leave now or I'm calling the cops," she said when she found the blonde rustling through some drawers.

Sarah looked at her though stony blue eyes. "Why would you do that?" The question was innocent enough.

"Just leave." Kate said weakly.

"Why?" Sarah sat down on what used to be her and Jack's bed. "Why now? You never used to have a problem with me coming and going."

"You're always here. You can't just come into our house like live here. You don't belong here anymore." Kate said with more confidence.

"And what makes you think you belong here?" Sarah sparred back.

Something inside Kate snapped. Maybe it was recognition, knowing that Sarah was right. She had no more business being with Jack than the other woman did. Kate was just as secretive and untrustworthy as she was. Jack didn't deserve what either of them had to offer. Suddenly one of Kate's deepest fears became true.

She was Sarah. Sarah was her. They were the same.

Kate began to shake as the tears swelled in her eyes.

"Get out." She whispered. When Sarah made no motion to follow orders, Kate lost it. "GET OUT! HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH TO HIM BY JUST BEING HERE?!" Sarah back away in shock. "Did you just plan on disappearing? Leave little by little? Did you think that was better or did you really want him to suffer so much? Having to wake up every morning and see your jewelry or your bottle or perfume and then have it be gone the next day?" Kate's green eyes burned with enlightenment.

Sarah just looked at her with and expressionless face, then walked passed her and down the stairs.

Jack had walked in just in time to see his ex-wife fly down the stairs. "Sarah? What are you doing here? What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask your girlfriend." Her tone was bitter and resentful as she pushed past him and out the front door. He watched her go in disbelief and for a split second he considered following her, but he couldn't make his body move to go after her. He just stood in the foyer staring out the open front door that let in the cool spring air.

The sound of soft footsteps broke him from his trance. He turned around quickly to see Kate standing there.

She had a broken, feral look about her that made him twitch with apprehension.

"What's going on?" He asked slowly, quietly, afraid of what she might say.

"I'm leaving." The answer was simple. She said without hesitation.

"What?"

Jack thought maybe his mind had warped the words but when she answered, "You heard me," reality hit him with full force.

His chest tightened and his breath caught in his throat. When he didn't say anything she turned back up the stairs.

Jack's body jolted into movement after her.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" He burst through the bedroom door; his eyes were wide with a mixture of confusion and hurt. Kate couldn't bear to look at them.

"I can't do this anymore," she said calmly as she stuffed her few belongings into her knapsack like she had done so many other times. But tonight was harder; she wasn't leaving because she wanted to, but because she had to.

"You can't do this? This morning we made plans for a romantic evening and now you can't 'do this'?" There was and angry edge to his voice. She didn't blame him.

She looked up for the first time, throwing her pack over her shoulder, and said "Bye Jack." She left him standing in the bedroom for only a moment before he pushed past her and cut her off halfway down the stairs.

"Listen, we can work this out. If you'll just talk to me, I know that…" 

"That what Jack? That everything will be okay? Everything will be fine? How do you know that?" He didn't say anything, just searched her face with his eyes. "Let me tell you something. The world outside your perfect life, outside of your cozy little house, and your high-paying job is not always fine. Sometimes talking to someone isn't enough. Most of the time it isn't enough."

"What about love? Is love enough?" It was Kate's turn to be silent. "I love you. That has to count for something."

Her head shook slowly. Her eyes filled with tears again. Her heart ached to tell him everything. Her throat ached with the four words she wished could be her response. Instead:

"It's not," she whispered.

"You can't do this. What about everything that's happened in these last few months? What about this?" He laid a hand on her stomach and let his fingers spread out across the fabric of her shirt that separated him from their child.

"Jack," she pleaded, her voice breaking.

"If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me, I'll let you go." His voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes as glossy as hers were.

Her façade had broken. The tears burned putting out the fire that had ignited her green eyes only moments before. This wasn't fair. Not to any of them.

But Kate knew better than anyone that life was fair. "I don't love you." When she said it, it sounded like a stranger. It wasn't the girl Kate knew as herself. The real Kate wouldn't have given up like this. But she was giving up for the best.

Jack felt his heart break. She didn't love him. His hand dropped from it's place on her abdomen and he took a step back letting her pass.

Kate slid past him and into the dark without another word. She walked as quickly as she could, rounding a corner before she collapsed against a near by building.

Bringing her knees up to her chest, she clasped a hand over her mouth to stifle her gut wrenching sobs. And as if on cue it began to rain.

She sat there for what seemed like forever, wet and crying harder than she ever had before she was able to breathe again. And even then it was all she had to ask herself, "What have I done?"

_A/N: Now is wear the real story begins. I'm excited for the upcoming stuff. I'll get things posted as soon as I can. Encouragement is always welcome, so, REVIEW! _


	16. On the Way to Good

Kate boarded the bus and dropped the fifteen cent charge in the designated bin. It was early, the sun just coming up over the horizon, drenching everything in the pale yellow light it produced.

There were four other people besides herself and immediately she wondered what their stories were.

Were they just on their way to work like most normal people? Had the tired looking man with the baseball cap's wife just kicked him out of the house? Was the old woman sitting across the isle from him on her way to see her new grandchild?

They were complete strangers; the five of them only had this bus ride in common.

Kate sat down in a window seat towards the middle of the bus before it took off on its way. She had no idea where it was going and she didn't care. Where ever it stopped was where she would call home for a while.

000

By mid morning the bus had made three stops and she'd shared her two-seater bench with three different strangers. One was a chubby black man who seemed to not care who heard him hum, another was a teenage girl not much older that sixteen – probably skipping school considering it was a Tuesday – and a man with glasses, a newspaper, and khaki pants that were too short for him.

It was nice to be observant for once. She was distracting herself by noticing things. Like the way the grandmother held the hand of the shy little boy, the way the business woman in the navy power suit was to professional to smile, or the way the young man whispered into his girlfriend's ear to make her smile and laugh like they didn't have a care in the world.

That one reminded her of her broken heart, and Jack.

She couldn't think about it. It made her sick to her stomach to think about that last look Jack had given her as he gave up and let her go. She couldn't think about him getting up alone for the first time in two months. She couldn't think about him coming home to an empty house, or cooking his own meals, or thinking about her.

She just couldn't do it, so she curled up with her pack and shut her eyes to the horror that had become her life.

000

She awoke when the bus jerked to a stop and her stomach lurched along with it. Kate could feel the twinges of morning sickness once she sat up.

The woman sitting next to her now noticed.

"You okay?" She asked in a polite tone. She was pretty with long brown hair, around Kate's age, and seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yeah. Just motion sickness." Kate answered to quickly. "I've been on this bus for a while."

The bus took off again and her body lunged forward without her stomach. Afraid of vomiting in such a public place, she placed on hand over her mouth and the other on her stomach as if to will it to settle. She just closed her eyes and waited for the wave to pass, hoping that it would pass.

"How far along are you?" The woman sitting next to her had asked the question.

Kate opened her eyes more out of shock than anything. "About seven weeks. How did you know I was…"

"Pregnant?" The other woman smiled. "Because I do the same thing when my morning sickness acts up." She imitated Kate's position and then reached into her oversized bag that sat on the floor and pulled out a box of saltine crackers. "These always help. Don't ask me how…they just do."

Hesitantly, the brunette reached her hand into the box pulling out three yellow crackers and nodded a thank you. "It's okay. I'll just set these here. Help yourself."

The stranger set the box in between their two bodies without a thought. She was much friendlier than Kate ever would have been.

Once she felt it was safe to talk, Kate asked, "How far along are you?"

"I'm about thirteen weeks, so, we're not to far apart." She smiled again. She definitely had The Glow. It made Kate want to smile back. She wondered to herself if she'd look as beautiful as this woman did when she got it. Or if she'd glow at all. "I'm Elizabeth." She said politely.

"Kate."

And that was it. The two talked like old friends for half an hour until Elizabeth's stop came up.

"Here, don't forget these." Kate handed her the box of crackers when she stood up to leave.

"Oh, it's alright. Keep them. You need them much more than I do." She pushed the box back down to Kate's side. "It was really nice meeting you. Maybe we'll run into each other again when we're both moms."

Then she was gone, and Kate felt even more alone than when she'd gotten on the bus that morning when she was one of five.

But by the kindness of a stranger, she was reminded that she wasn't completely alone in anything. She had her baby.

000

She rode the bus nearly the entire day before she finally got off somewhere in upstate California. It seemed to be a fairly small town. Lots of little salt box houses decorated the streets. She had to admit it was cozy with the sun just starting to set in the background and all.

There was what she guessed to be a convenient store simply entitled "Doug's" across the street from the bus stop. So, with purpose she strode across the street and opened the door and walked inside to see if she could find someone to help her.

A bell chimed when she entered the small store and a man around fifty rushed right out to greet her. He wasn't particularly tall, had bushy eyebrows and a sickeningly sunny disposition.

"Why hello there. I'm Doug. What can I do for you?" He stuck out a hand to offer a greeting.

She smiled slightly and took his hand. "I'm Roxie and I'm new in town. I was wondering if there was any place around here to stay?"

"Well, my good friend Suzanne runs a little bed a breakfast but that's about it."

Astonished that a town wouldn't even have a motel to their name she decided ask, "Exactly where am I?"

"Weed, California. Established in 1961." He saw the fall in Kate's face when he said that. "It's a nice place to be. But if you're not looking to stick around there's not a lot of options. It's small enough that people don't stay very long, if they stay at all. We get mostly visiting family coming through here."

"Thank you Doug." She sighed. "I appreciate the help." She turned around to leave not knowing where to go. She had barely any money on her…that was the first thing she was going to do when she got to wherever she was going: Get a job.

The store owner watched her walk all of four feet before he saw her stop and sway. He rushed to her side in time to catch her from falling.

"Are you okay, Miss Roxie?" He asked still holding onto her tightly.

Kate blinked several times trying to get her vision back in focus. "I'm fine. Just…been on a bus all day."

"When was the last time you ate?" Doug asked in a concerned voice.

"This morning." She realized it was almost five o'clock in the afternoon. It must have been around eight when Elizabeth had given her the crackers.

"Well then we have to get you some food!" He helped her up and led her back to a refrigerator in the back room of the store. He pulled out a sandwich and a soda. "It's not much but it's yours. You need it way more than I do." The man pushed the food into Kate's hands. "Hope you like bologna." He is smile fatherly and hopeful.

Kate looked down with a disgusting taste in her mouth…meat. And processed meat at that, but she painted a smile on her face and thanked him for his generosity.

"So, where are you headed Roxie?" Doug asked while she ate at the main counter.

Daintily, Kate wiped her face with the back of her wrist and swallowed hard. "Not sure. I'm looking for a place to start over."

"I understand. I was sixteen when I moved here. This was my fresh start. And it turned out quite well in my opinion. I met my beautiful wife, had a family, started this corner store." Then he got kind of dreamy eyed and smile at her. "I guess you just have to find a place that makes you want to do some good."

Something hitched inside of her. 'Do some good…' Good was not her forte.

"Doug…thanks for everything but do you know when the next bus passes through?" She took the last bite of sandwich and guzzled the diet coke to wash down the taste of fake meat.

"I guess 'bout and hour or so." He looked at her really hard, like he was looking inside of her more than anything. "You'll find what you're looking for, Roxie. I feel it."

Kate just nodded and tried to ignore the rising fear that she'd find what Roxie needed but not what she, Katharine Austen, needed when she knew that she'd left it in Los Angeles.

**A/N: One of my New Year's resolutions is to finish this story in a timely manner. So…help me along with some reviews!! Next chapter we're into the major plot of the story so STICK AROUND!**


	17. Motel Falls

After another bus and a ride from a kind stranger, Kate found herself in Klamath Falls, Oregon. It had been two days since she'd left Jack and somehow, each day she'd felt worse and worse. Usually when she did things like this, the farther away the better.

Not this time.

Her heart just felt empty here but she couldn't bear to put more distance between them so she resolved to call Klamath Falls her home…for now. With a population of 20,000 she could easily hide from the Marshall. Maybe she could even find a small clinic to have the baby to avoid the whole hospital situation.

The breeze of June felt nice as she slowly walked down the street. On a mission to find a place to stay, she stepped into a payphone and took out the phone book. Under the yellow pages she found three motels.

She closed her eyes and pointed to one. The method was childish and she knew it, but she couldn't pick any other way.

"Motel Falls. That's creative." She said sarcastically, but wrote down the information anyway.

A knock at the glass made her jump and turn around.

"You usin' the phone?" A tall blonde man with a think southern accent asked loudly.

With a sigh of relief, she opened the door and politely said, "No…just needed an address. It's all yours." She added a smile.

000

Motel Falls wasn't far from the payphone. Maybe 3 blocks…that was nice. It was white and dirty from years of weather and wear. It was almost the color she hated so much. Almost. A two story place with a wrap around deck and a soda machine on each floor.

At the moment she was being led by the 'daytime desk manager' as he called himself up to the room she would now call hers. He was portly and wore dark pants and a button up shirt. He was almost dressed nicer than the motel itself. But he had five o'clock shadow, even though it was only quarter to eleven in the morning, and thinning hair. And as she followed him up the stairs to the second story she could see sweat stains under his arms.

"It's not much but it's got a bed and a TV. A small kitchen and a bathroom so you can shower." He glanced over his shoulder and looked her up and down. Kate found it unsettling because she could tell it was deliberate. She just let out a deep breath and nodded.

"Here we are!" He announced stopping in front of door number 31. He held out the key for her.

"Thank you." Kate went to reach for it but he pulled away just in time, a disgusting kind of smile on his face. Irritated and feeling uncomfortable, she reached further over his shoulder. Noticing she was just inches away from his face she withdrew quickly. "Would you please give me my key? I have things to do." She looked away, trying to appear uninterested.

"I bet. I could be one of them," he said in a rather seductive tone. The motel manager then leaned into her pressing her up against the wall next to the door.

"No. Thank you. I'm very busy." Her tone was forceful but she was having trouble keeping the dread from taking over. She could feel the heat of adrenaline rise up her neck as she tried to buck him off which only made him press harder, his knee digging into her thigh. "Please…" she resorted to pleading.

Fear started to tighten in her chest because she knew what was coming. It was inevitable…she could hear him unlock her door as his hands wandered over her body and he kissed her neck. All the while his stubble was scrapping her tender skin and all she could think was how different his lips felt than Jack's.

No…she couldn't let this happen. She couldn't let this man have her after Jack had shown her what it could be like. She couldn't let this man hurt her, or the baby.

That broke something in her. "GET OFF!" She screamed as a last attempt to get him to stop or for someone to hear her.

He looked at her with lustful eyes, "You're only more attractive when you're scared." Then he reached down and took her hand. She ripped it out of his grip and tried to run but he caught her and let the back of his hand make contact with her cheek.

"HEY!" Someone yelled. Kate didn't look, to afraid to open her eyes. At that moment all she could think of was how badly her face hurt.

Suddenly, she felt the manager let go of her arm and she fell to the ground. After a few grunts, she was aware of a hand on her shoulder. She flinched thinking it was the manager but when she opened her eyes she was both surprised and relived.

"You're the guy from the phone booth." She managed to mumble.

"Yeah…I thought I recognized you." He knelt down to her level and took her face in his hands. "You alright?" His voice laced with concern.

"I…I-I'm fine. I think. My face hurts." She fought to keep the tears out of her eyes from both pain and realizing what could have happened had he not stepped outside.

"You got a pretty nice welt. Gonna be a sweet shiner." He gave her a crooked smile. He had dimples. "C'mon. Let's get you some ice."

She let him help her up and into her room, set her on the bed and disappeared. She could see the manager starting to stir from his spot on the deck; panic immediately took over. Kate quickly got up to move away from the door and toward the dresser looking for a weapon if he came after her again. Laying her hand on the clock she snuck a peek out the window.

Then she heard him say, "If you touch her again, I'll do worse than breakin' your face." His threat was followed by swift but heavy steps. A small smile graced her lips.

"'Kay, we got ice. There's a machine down the way; just so you know." He set the standard brown bowl down and tied the liner in a knot. "This is gonna help," he said as he gently placed the bag where she'd been hit. She winced audibly.

"Thanks." Kate took the bag from him and went to close the door. She looked around. The room was ugly. Light brown shag carpet with smoker's yellow walls and green bedspread. The kitchen wasn't bad except for the yellow sink and refrigerator. "Do all the rooms look like this?"

"Yeah. Gross huh?" She nodded slightly. "You gonna be okay? Look like you're gonna pass out."

"No…I'll be fine. I just…I'm…That's never hap-" she tore her eyes away from the floor to look at him. "I'm a girl who knows how to take care of herself. That's all."

"Didn't look like it from my end."

"Well I am." She snapped.

"Fine…I'll take you're word for it." He shoved his hands in jean pockets. "By the way…I'm Sawyer."

"I'm…" she stopped. She signed into the front desk as Kate Ryan. She liked Kate Ryan so she stuck with it. And maybe if Jack was looking for her…no. She wouldn't get her hopes up like that.

"You're…" Sawyer urged.

"Sorry…I'm Kate." She smiled just a little. He smiled back. He took a step towards her and took her ice pack from her.

"It's nice to meet you. Lucky for you I'm you're neighbor," he said while inspecting her face. He inhaled through his teeth indicating that it looked bad. "This is not going to be…" 

What ever he said was lost to Kate as she felt her stomach twist in an all too familiar way.

"'Scuse me…" she said as fast as possible as the hot taste entered her mouth. She got to the bathroom sink just in time.

"Oh my god…" Sawyer said under his breath. Immediately, he grabbed her hair and held it until she was done.

Kate took her hair from him when she was under control. At once, he handed her a cup of water. "You don't handle confrontation well at all."

"No…this wasn't from that." She said referring to what happened outside. She gladly took the water and while she drank she felt another wave of sick start to rise. Deliberately, she sat down the water and hunched over again.

This time she held her own hair and Sawyer didn't know what do but rub her back. Kate took a deep breath as the embarrassment set in. Washing out her mouth with the water she waited for him to say something else.

"Well then you're really sick." He walked out of the bathroom.

"I'm not sick." She grabbed a towel and wiped off her face.

"Yes you are. You just threw your guts up."

"No. I'm not sick. I'm pregnant."

Sawyer looked taken aback but he shook it off and looked at her…hard.

"I'm only like two months along. I'm in store for a lot of stuff like this." She didn't look pleased.

Sawyer chuckled. "Well, this will be interesting." He muttered to himself more than anyone. "You do this every morning?" She nodded. "Could you use a hand moving in?"

She smiled and nodded again.

**A/N: Remember to REVIEW! **


	18. Between Them

**A/N: We have some things to discuss. First off, a lot of people are concerned about a Skate relationship. I have to tell you…there will be one. But trust me; things will work out for the best. And we won't being hearing from Jack for now. We'll pop in on him every once in a while but this mainly a Kate-centric fic. I have a plan. Just stick around and see! **

**Which brings me to thing number two: I'm not getting nearly the feedback I thought I would. If you like it…you have to tell me! If you have concerns…YOU HAVE TO TELL ME! I'm setting a 10 review minimum for chapters. Sorry guys but I feel like I have to. Hope you understand.**

**On with the story!**

Sawyer helped Kate file a complaint against the 'daytime desk manager' and he was let go shortly after she moved in. Perfect timing too, because with the arrival of July came the humidity. Just enough of it to make the un-air-conditioned rooms almost unbearable, that is until Sawyer convinced her it was safe to keep her door open.

After that, he felt free to drop in. All the time. And she helped herself to things in his room that she didn't have in hers, such as hot water.

Her shower's heat went out more often than not and, conveniently enough, she never remembered to tell the new manager.

The southern man in her life had brought Kate back to life in a lot of ways. There were no boundaries and no expectations to their relationship. They were friends who held hands as they walked down the street. They were friends that got each other's favorite foods when they went shopping. They were friends that talked about anything and everything.

Including Jack.

"So tell me 'bout him." Sawyer asked one day at the super market while putting a roll of paper towels in the cart.

Kate was hesitant. She shook her head, but he protested. Nervous, she readjusted her grip on the cart handle and leaned over it.

"C'mon Freckles! I told you all about my girls, least you can do is tell me 'bout your last beaux." He smiled his signature smile; dimples and all.

She rolled her eyes and sighed a laugh of sorts. "He was…" she thought for a word to describe him that wouldn't sound cliché and failed. But she couldn't hide the smile the spread across her face every time she thought of him. "He was wonderful."

And then it all just spilled out.

She told Sawyer all about how they met and their off-beat living arrangement. About how being with him was the best two months of her entire life. How great the sex was. How much fun they had together. And about how Sarah stuck around a little too long.

"So, is that why you left? 'Cause if it is that's stupid." He looked at her with a look that said 'you know I'm right'.

"No. That's not why I left." Kate admitted sadly. She opened a freezer door pretending to look for something in a pathetic attempt to change the subject. But Sawyer wouldn't have it.

"Then he didn't want the baby."

"No!" She slammed the door closed and pushed the cart with some vigor. "He wanted the baby even more than I did." She fumbled for words as her frustration rose.

"Did he make you have the baby?"

"SAWYER!" She stopped and looked at him with a mixture of anger and hurt. "He gave me a life I didn't know was possible. Did you ever think for one second…" she trailed off, close to tears. Kate just stared intently at the cart handle until she had a grip on her emotions. "I didn't deserve him." She said quietly.

Sawyer's heart broke for the curly haired brunette he'd come to know so well. Feeling a surge of compassion, he took her into her arms right in the middle of the frozen foods, and kissed her hair.

"I can't believe that." He felt her nod against his chest. "No. Kate I've only known you for…like what, a few weeks and you are one of – if not the only – worthy person I've ever met in my life. I don't want to hear you say things like that. 'Kay?"

She pulled out of his bear hug wiping her eyes and nodded again.

"That's a girl. Now…we need meat." He gave her an evil grin.

000

Sawyer made her dinner that night. She lay on his bed, the TV on, and didn't say a word. He whistled and hummed to himself but he didn't try to make conversation; and for that, she was thankful.

She wasn't in a talking mood. Instead she stared at the ceiling and counted the water stains while her fingers made lazy circles on her just barely round stomach.

As of late she'd been doing that: running her hand across her bare belly just to feel the soft arch of her growing body.

Noticing a full length mirror hanging on Sawyer's closet door she stood and carefully pulled up her shirt to expose her middle. Not much had changed since she'd done the same thing in Jack's bathroom but it was there now. If you looked you could see the definite curve of her lower abdomen and she couldn't help but to smile just a little.

"Freckles, you ready to eat?" He put the stir-fry he had worked so hard on into two bowls. He walked into the main room just in time to see her pull down her shirt and smooth it over her middle.

She smiled at him. He smiled back, his signal to her that she had nothing to worry about.

The two sat on his bed eating and watching an old black and white movie, and while they did nothing a very strong wave of protectiveness washed over Sawyer. Since the day he'd met Kate Ryan he felt a pull to her, like he was supposed to take care of her for some reason.

He took the chance to steal a glance. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was a little broken but time could fix that, but most of all she needed him. It wasn't that she'd ever told him that but he just knew somehow that without him she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

Determination and a healthy sense of pride set in as he started to make a plan for him and his new girl.


	19. Be Okay

Thirteen weeks. Kate had reached the thirteen week mark in her pregnancy. Officially past the first trimester, her morning sickness was letting up which made her feel leaps and bounds better than she had in quite some time.

She felt up to shopping, eating, working, and even a good laugh now and then, thanks to Sawyer of course.

It seemed like her four month bump was getting a lot of attention these days.

Now that she was showing all she wanted to do was touch herself. In social situations she would rest her crossed arms on the slight bulge and when she slept her hands kept a protective hold on it. Even Sawyer would poke it as a joke or run his hand over it when being sentimental.

At the moment Kate was getting ready for work, a job Sawyer had helped her find at a local florist's. His friend Vicky's shop, In Full Bloom, to be more specific. Yet another good deed to put on the list of things she had to pay him back for.

"There is no way that's true!" She laughed in shock as she put her hair back in a ponytail.

"No, I'm totally serious. A pig's orgasm last a freaking half-an-hour. I read that somewhere." Sawyer sat on her bed eating a bowl of cereal while she ran around.

She chuckled to herself and slung her ponytail over her shoulder. "I'd have to kill all of those pigs if I were a farmer." The southerner smiled into another bite of Captain Crunch. "Hey, is there any more of that?" She pointed to his bowl. He nodded towards the kitchen and there on the counter was an open box of cereal.

She helped herself still preoccupied with Sawyer's fun fact of the day.

Sawyer watched her with a careful eye as she poured her Captain Crunch in to a small white bowl. She was gaining weight finally but he had been wondering more and more why she never told him about her doctor visits, or if she even went to a doctor at all. He remembered that Jack was a doctor which means he would have made her go at least once or twice before she left him but as he racked his memory for a time she'd been gone long enough to be in and out of a doctor's office he realized she hadn't. She always came home with groceries or clean clothes. No sonograms or vitamins.

"Katie?"

"Hmn?" She chewed loudly.

"When was the last time you saw a doctor?"

She stopped chewing and swallowed hard. For a minute it looked like she was going to be sick and Sawyer readied himself to help her at a moment's notice, but she just set down her bowl and went for her purse.

"I have to go. I don't want to keep Vicky waiting, especially since she's a friend of yours. What would that say about you if I was late?" She spoke quickly and avoided eye contact, trying desperately to change the subject.

"Kate!" He put a hand on her purse to keep her from picking it up. "Can we just talk about this? Now I know that you're scared but…"

"Sawyer I have to go." Her voice was calm but sharp. He knew that tone meant business. Then she yanked the purse out from under his hold and slammed the door behind her, leaving him there with only his worry and her left over cereal.

000

Kate was glad she had the bus ride across town to clear her head after Sawyer's confrontation. A wary hand cradled her small stomach in concern.

She knew she needed to see a doctor sooner or later, especially now that she was out of pre-natal paraphernalia. The pills Jack had ordered her ran out over a month ago and now the fear of hurting the baby was beginning to overpower the fear of being caught at a hospital.

The fear and anxiety rose up hard in her throat. Her hands began to shake in sync with her torso and legs. In an impossible attempt to keep her breathing under control, she took a deep breath and held it until she was sure that the trembling had stopped.

'This is not a way to live any life,' she thought still scared. Sawyer was going to find out sooner or later that something was wrong. A gust of early August heat wafted onto the air-conditioned bus as the door opened for an exiting passenger as she took a sidelong glance out her window.

The terrified brunette was going to have to tell Sawyer or leave Klamath Falls.

000

Vicky was an older, pudgy woman with dark hair. With a firm, yet maternal attitude she ran the shop with an ease and grace that Kate was quietly envious of.

She briefly spoke with another employee, Adam (who was too feminine to be straight), and he seemed friendly enough.

It was while she was putting together a simple rose arrangement that it hit Kate how different her life was all of the sudden. She thought back to that fateful day in Star Bucks, the day she'd left Matt and met Jack. Now she'd left Jack just like all the others, moved to a completely new place and was expecting a baby. A feeling of newness washed over her and she began to well up.

"Honey…you alright?" Vicky asked gently from her work table.

Kate shook her head clean and smiled genuinely at her employer. "Yeah. I realized I'm not going home smelling like coffee tonight."

"Where did you work that you smelled like coffee?" Vicky asked with jest.

"Star Bucks." Kate answered still full of emotion.

"Well that doesn't sound so bad. Why all the water works?"

"I don't know." It was an honest answer with a hint of sorrow. "I guess it's the hormones." With a shrug and choked giggle Vicky smiled and went back to work, leaving Kate Austen to her revelations.

000

Sawyer was sitting cross-legged on the deck with a bottle of Southern Comfort in his hand when Kate got home.

Her stomach turned at the idea of talking to him again. But now might be a good time she judged by the amount of alcohol left in the bottle.

"Hey…" he started. "How was your first day at the flower shop?"

"Fine." She stood there for a second, battling her nerves and weighing the consequences one more time. "Vicky is really nice."

"I knew you'd like her." His speech wasn't impaired in the slightest.

Kate sighed hard as she set her purse down by her door and lowered herself down to his level.

"I'm sorry about this morning." She offered. Her peripheral caught his nod. "You have to understand that I'm really scared."

He was quiet for longer that she thought he would be. Afraid he'd fallen asleep she stole a glance and saw that he was staring at her. He was surprised by the uncertainty in her eyes.

"Those are the last words I would have expected to come out of your mouth," He drawled. Her lips parted like she was getting ready to say something and he cut her off. "After all you've been through why would you be scared of anything?"

"That's just it. It's what I went through that's making me afraid." Her whisper barely carried on the night breeze.

"I don't understand." He turned towards her; a small indication that she had all of his attention.

He watched her breath for what seemed like forever but dared not speak. He wanted this, the trust between them to strengthen. He wanted her to confide in him, for her to understand that he was here for her in everyway she would have him.

In an attempt to make her feel more comfortable he put a hand on her shoulder for support.

"Have you ever done something that you had to do and knew you'd get in trouble for it? Doesn't matter if you were right or wrong." Kate tried to swallow her emotions. "I'm in trouble."

"Katie you know that I'm here for you. If you're in trouble you have to tell me so I can help. What are you in trouble for?

In the moonlight, her tears looked like two silver ribbons running down her face. "I can't tell you. Just know that I can't go to a hospital to have check-ups or to the bank or…" a sob cut her off.

"No…don't cry." Sawyer scooped her into a protective hold and just let her cry. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise…it's going to be okay. It doesn't matter what happened or what you did, I'm going to take care of you." He held her to his chest on the deck of Motel Falls until she stopped crying and all the while he kept reassuring her that indeed everything would be okay. And for the first time since she'd left Jack did she actually believe it.

**A/N: I had a hard time writing this one…phew…but now I'm back on track. Next time we'll see a doctor! Oh and THANK YOU to those of you that reviewed for the first time and to those of you that reviewed for the 17th time! Lets see ten more!**


	20. Turning Your Face to the Sun

"Kate, what you have to know about working with flowers is that they are living things. They need to be treated with care. Yes, you have to use some force to get them to do some things but respect the flower and it will respect you." Vicky's firm voice instructed. She was showing Kate the ropes of working with delicate flowers: paper whites, irises, orchids…

"Well, how do you show a flower respect? If you don't mind my asking?"

"No…I like it when people ask questions. Helps them learn better." Vicky smiled at Kate. "Take this." She handed the brunette a sunflower. "Cut the stem, not too short, and see how hard you have to push it into the base." Kate did as she was told as her teacher poured clean water onto the green foam block that would be put in a vase eventually.

She grasped the flower's stem firmly and pushed slowly at first. Not much happened. So, she pushed a little harder, still mindful of 'respecting the flower', and it slid right into place.

"Very nice." The praise was satisfying and Kate couldn't help but smile. "What else do we need?"

"Hyacinth and Baby's Breath," Kate read from a paper. Vicky went to the fridge without thinking and picked the best specimens from their containers.

The two worked on the arrangement silently for a moment before the conversation took on a new topic. "So how do you like Sawyer?"

Kate, taken aback for a moment stuttered, "Wha…excuse me?"

"How do you like him? He's a sweetie pie, isn't he?" Vicky looked at her with a mysterious eye. Mischief read clearly on her face. "If he's not being nice to you…whoo, that boy better look out!"

A laugh spilt out of Kate's mouth and it surprised her. She hadn't genuinely laughed in a long time. "No…he's great. He's being very nice to me."

"Good. I knew I taught him better than that."

"How is it that you know Sawyer again?"

"He didn't tell you?"

Kate's head lifted from her work. "No. Is there something I need to know?"

Vicky sighed and pressed another flower into the foam block. "I would rather he told you himself. It's really not my place. Let's just say I love him as if he were my own."

Somehow Kate had the feeling that sweet, southern Sawyer was a little more multi-dimensional than he let on to be. She didn't know that much about him now that she thought about it. Maybe it was time for her to stop whining about her problems and listen to his for a change. He had done so much for her since she had come to Klamath Falls, it was the least she could do.

"I love sunflowers." The cloud in Kate's head suddenly cleared and she caught sight of the finished arrangement. It was stunning. A basket of warm looking yellows and whites that simply said 'beauty'. It looked happy. "You know how the sunflower got its name right?" Kate shook her head. "It follows the sun. Its face actually turns with the sun so it can absorb as much light as possible." All of the sudden Vicky was in another place and Kate could tell by the glossy look in her eyes. "Remarkable isn't it? That a plant has done what most humans can't."

'It turns to face the sun…' Kate thought and smiled. 'It's about time I turned to face the sun.'

000

"Sawyer!"

He heard his name from the deck. "In the kitchen!" he yelled back to her. A smile spread on his face as soon as he saw her. She was wearing jeans and a pink top that hugged her baby bump just perfectly and the biggest smile he'd ever seen on her. "Why are you so happy?"

"I…"she started with confidence, "am turning my face to the sun."

Sawyer's brow furrowed and he squinted at her. "Either you've gone crazy or that pregnancy glow has finally taken over your brain too."

She chuckled and set her purse on his dresser. "No…I'm not crazy. I'm moving on. I need to stop being so broken up about things that are beyond my control." He knew she was talking about Jack and he felt a pang of jealousy. But at the same time he felt and overwhelming hope that now maybe she would see how much he cared for her.

"Not to be a buzz kill or anything but what about that thing we talked about the other night?"

"Yes, it's true that I'm still…in trouble…but I've decided that there are things I need to do for myself, and this baby, and I can't let that stand in my way." She had a fire in her eyes that made her seem so alive. Like all this time she'd been so wrapped up in herself that she wasn't present in her daily life.

"Well, then…where do we start?"

The flame he had seen just a second ago was doused by something and her eyes were dark and fearful again. "Sawyer, will you go to the doctor's with me? I found a clinic not far from here and I think I could get away with it if I…"

"If you…"

"If I lie…about some things."

Even though it should have, it didn't scare him that she said things like that. He thought for a moment about what getting involved in her 'troubled' life might mean for him and realized he had no clue what it would mean. Jail? Financial trouble? Physical harm?

She could see the hesitation written on his face. She'd come too far to run away now. Not when she finally had the courage to turn her life around. Her green eyes pleaded to him. 'Please,' she repeated again and again in her head.

Then he nodded slowly. "What do I need to know?" Then the fire was back and she smiled once more.

000

Anxiety sent his heart racing. That wasn't normal for him.

He answered the phone with an uneasiness that clinched his chest to the point of pain. "Hello?"

There was no one there. "Hello?" He repeated. Still nothing.

He hung up and let out the breath he'd been holding. Why did he always think that it was her?

"Hey!" Marc appeared in his doorway. "Whoa…you okay, man?"

"Not sure." His palms were sweating with the rush of adrenaline and he took a deep breath to calm himself. "Did you need something?"

"Just came to see if you wanted to get lunch." Marc asked, his voice laced with concern for his best friend. "Jack, are you sure you're okay?"

"I don't know." Truth was he wasn't. He still wasn't. Ever since Kate had left he was plagued with frequent anxiety attacks, a feeling that she wasn't safe, that he was going to get a call from someone tell him that she'd been hurt or lost the baby.

After she had left he took a month sabbatical from work and called Sarah to help her move the rest of her things out of his house for good. He thought that maybe if she came back and saw all of his ex-wife's belongings gone she would realize that she was the only girl for him.

Two months had gone by. The length of their short lived but unforgettable relationship had gone by and he still held hope that she would come back.

"Jack, I'm really worried about you. I think it would be a good idea if I came and stayed with you for a while."

"You come to stay with me? Why wouldn't I stay with you?" Jack got up from his desk and brushed past Marc and into the hallway. His sidekick followed closely behind.

"Because…you're place is nicer than mine and you have a bedroom for me to stay in, whereas at my place you would be sleeping on the couch." The red headed man was always so frank and straight forward; part of why Jack appreciated him so much. Marc was everything he was not.

"You can't stay in my extra bedroom. It's being renovated at the moment."

"Oooh…are we redecorating?"

"No."

"You getting new furniture?"

"Sort of."

"Is it still going to be a bedroom when you're done with it?"

"Absolutely."

"Then what's the problem? I can live with some miss-matched pieces of furniture."

Jack stopped at the elevator and sighed heavily as he pressed the button. "Marc…you can't stay in there because I'm turning it into a nursery."

Marc's face fell. "Jack." His voice became soft. "She's not coming back."

"You don't know that."

"You're right…I don't know that but I have a really good feeling that she's not." He put a hand on Jack's shoulder in an act of brotherly affection. "You need to let go."

"I can't have this conversation with you right now. I'm late for surgery." Jack turned on his heel and headed for the stairs leaving Marc standing in front of the elevator.

'Kate Ryan…I thought you were different.' Marc let out a disappointed exhale. 'I wish you could see him now.'

**A/N: I told you we'd get to see a doctor…just not which one! Ha-ha…hope you got your taste of Jack for the moment because the next few chapters are going to be Kate/Sawyer intensive. And don't worry about Jack. Marc will fix him back up. Next chapter Kate and Sawyer visit the clinic. Review and tell me what you think!**


	21. What Had She Done?

"Kate! C'mon…get out of the car." Sawyer leaned on the back passenger side door waiting for her to work up the courage to walk into the clinic let alone stay for the check-up.

"I just need a minute," she muttered as she sat on the edge of the car seat cradling what little bit of belly she had.

"You've had fifteen minutes. I took the day off from work but I didn't really think it would take all day…" He sighed audibly. "I'm here for you." He held out his hand to help her out of the car.

Hesitantly she took it and carefully set her feet on the pavement of the parking lot. "You remember the story?" He could tell she was ashamed to ask him to lie for her but deep down he knew it was necessary.

Nodding, he took her hand in his and led her to the door. Once inside they were told to wait and Kate filled out a packet of paper work with false information.

He watched her eyes travel around the room, taking in all the other women in similar situations as her. She flinched when one of the newborns started screaming. The amazingly strong woman who had just waltzed into his life was cracking right in front of him and something inside of him hurt knowing that all he could was offer his support. He could keep her secrets, listen to her tales of woe, even lie for her but he could shoulder this burden for her and it was paining him.

"Miss Ryan…" Kate bolted at her name. A nurse led them down a small hallway to the last of six examination rooms. Sawyer sat outside while she changed into a gown until she gave him the 'okay'.

When he walked in she was sitting at the end of the table in a white cloth gown, her bump apparent, with her head up in the air, blinking furiously in an attempt to ward of tears.

"God, Katie…you're really scared aren't you?" Her lip quivered in response. He just pulled his chair closer to her and held her hand. Luckily, she composed herself just in time for the OB/GYN.

"Hey there guys." She was an older woman, regal looking with her short brown bob and a string of pearls around her neck. She smiled widely as she introduced herself. "I'm Dr. Barton." She shook both of their hands and took her place on her rolly stool.

"So…You're a new patient Miss Ryan?" Kate nodded. "Do you mind if I ask some questions?" Kate shook her head. "Wonderful. How have you been eating?"

"Pretty well. I used to be a vegetarian and I've incorporated meat into my diet. Aside from the occasional cheeseburger and pint of Ben & Jerry's it's fruits and veggies." Kate's voice was shaky from her previous emotional state. Her eyes still looked panicked to Sawyer.

"That's perfect," Dr. Barton gave her another genuine smile. "How's your weight gain been?"

The curly haired brunette shook her head. "I know I've gained enough to go up two pant sizes but I don't know the actual number."

"Okay. Well, before you go today I'll have Amy weigh you so we can start keeping track." Dr. Barton gave a friendly nod as Kate's chest tightened at the blast from the past. She'd been an Amy once…

"When was your last exam?"

"I've nev-…" Kate's voice hitched and she began to well up again. Sawyer took hold of her hand again. He knew what was coming. His pulse raced as he tried to keep his appearance calm.

"Miss Ryan, it's alright. Switching doctor's can be overwhelming for some women."

"No…I've never had a check-up. This is my first." The physician looked taken aback for a moment then relaxed and waited for Kate to explain. "I used to live in Los Angles…I just got out of a really," she took a deep breath and focused on the floor, "bad relationship. I didn't get a chance to visit an OB to make sure everything was okay. I j-just couldn't." A fat tear escaped and rolled down Kate's cheek. "I knew he'd flip. So…I left before I started showing and came here, to Klamath Falls, but until Sawyer drug me here I was too afraid he'd find me."

Dr. Barton rested a strong hand on Kate's clinched fists. "Miss Ryan…you're safe here. I promise everything is confidential."

"Thank you," the patient whispered and swallowed hard.

"If you need a moment I can go check on one of my other moms and come back…"

"No. I'll be fine. I'm nervous; I think it's best if we just get it done with."

Dr. Barton gave another signature smile and told Kate to lie back on the table as she draped a plastic sheet over her legs. Sawyer scooted up towards Kate's upper body, out of the way for the doctor, still holding her hand. Their eyes locked, his relieved that the hard part was over, hers embarrassed for everything from the lie to her less that romantic disposition at the moment.

Sawyer smiled at her, dimples and all, which was more than she could bear at the moment. Her head rolled to the side with a sharp intake of breath.

This was nothing like when Jack had done it…

"Okay, Miss Ryan. Everything looks good. Lets take a sonogram and we'll get you out of here." Dr. Barton rolled over to the monitor in the corner, pressing lots of buttons before applying the gel, like Jack had, to her abdomen.

The doctor was quiet for a moment. Panic started rising in Kate's chest like it did so often these days. Each second that ticked away was a second that let her mind wander.

Was the baby okay? Had she jeopardized it's health by not seeing a physician sooner? What would happen if something was wrong? What if…

Kate didn't get a chance to finish another thought. Relief washed over her as the words, "everything looks normal" pierced through her ever growing fear. She let out a heavy breath and smiled for the first time since they'd walked through the front door of the clinic.

"Hear that? Everything's fine." Sawyer seemed as elated as she was.

"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" Dr. Barton tucked a piece of stray hair behind an ear with a pearl stud that matched her necklace.

Kate immediately looked to Sawyer for an answer. "S'not my baby Kate," he told her in a disheartened tone.

"Why not?" She sighed wishing with everything she had that Jack was the one holding her hand while she received this news.

"It's still a little early but it looks like you're having a son."

"A boy?" Kate repeated in disbelief. The doctor nodded. "Can I see?" The older woman turned the monitor slightly so that Kate could see the fuzzy grey outline of a fully formed baby.

"This is a hand. And this is his nose and mouth. I see ten fingers and ten toes so there is really nothing to worry about." She pressed some more buttons and relieved Kate of the pressure of the wand. Handing her a towel she reassured her, "You're very lucky Miss Ryan. And again…you're going to be okay here. I'll send Amy after you for your weight and Sawyer here can pick up the pictures at the front desk." And then she closed the door behind her.

Kate sad up and wiped her eyes for good measure. She exhaled loudly has Sawyer got up. "I'll let you get changed. See you in the lobby." Then he left her still sitting there.

It took her a minute to get up. She just sat there in awe and whispered to herself, "I'm having a son."

000

Sawyer sat in the waiting room waiting for Kate with the pictures in his hands. It was pretty amazing that this little thing was inside of her. His mind was in a reel from the whole experience really.

He went back to how emotional she had been; how scared she was that they were even here. Then he remembered the look on her face as she told Dr. Barton about her 'bad relationship'. The look on her face was so sincere. The fact that she could lie that easily was more discomforting that he realized it would be.

Desperately he wished he knew what had happened to her. What ever it was that made her this way…he could handle it. He was sure of it. Sometime he thought letting his mind wander was worse than knowing.

He leaned back in his chair and looked around the room. None of these women were like her. They all probably planned for this to happen. They got married and decided with their husbands to have the baby they were now carrying. Kate didn't get that luxury.

Deep down, after her performance today he wondered if Jack had been as wonderful as she said. Maybe that's where the motivation came from. What if she was running from him?

He looked up to see her writing something down at the front desk. He wanted to ask her so badly. But he knew not to. If it ever came up in conversation he'd make a point to find out…that is if he could work up the courage.

"Ready?" He asked her when she was finished.

"Yeah. Got his pictures?" She asked referring to the baby by his known gender. He handed them to her as they walked out to the car. "It's so surreal. When I did this with Jack before I left he was this little dark blotch on the screen. Now look at him." She spoke with wonder, her eyes never leaving the page. "He here…inside me. He's growing, living. He's real." She moved her hand down the contour or her curved middle.

"So…Jack does know about the baby?" Sawyer asked opening her car door for her.

"Of course. He performed my only check-up." She buckled her belt as Sawyer walked around to the driver's seat. "Probably still has that first sonogram on the fridge." She mused quietly.

"You know," Sawyer started once he was in the car, "we'll have to come up with a nickname for him now that we know he's a boy." He smiled mischievously.

"What are you thinking like…'dude' or 'cowboy'?"

"No! I was thinking more like 'Tex' or 'Little one'."

"Oh God. What have I done?" She jested looking out her window as the events of the day seriously made her wonder 'what had she done?'


	22. A Stroke Of Good Luck

Time seemed to pass quickly since the visit to the clinic. Dr. Barton was nice enough and she made sure Kate was comfortable with everything they did. "Expect and early January baby. Somewhere around the 6th from what I can tell," she had shared at the last appointment. And Sawyer had been as supportive as ever.

Life was becoming routine and that brought Kate down. She hated predictability. Call it the lifestyle she'd become accustom to but she needed excitement, stimulation and thrill. She did almost everything to avoid exactly what was happening.

And things weren't being helped by her new determination to live her life without Jack when everything that happened to her she wished he was there. When funny things happened at the flower shop it took everything she had not to call him up and gush about the job that she'd grown to love so much. And everything that happened with the baby almost brought tears to her eyes.

When she went for check ups it physically pained her not to have Jack there to take it all in with her. Finding out about their son was overwhelming and wonderful and too bittersweet for her.

Tonight was no different…

Her eyes snapped open and shot right to her beside clock. 3:24 a.m. Wondering what has shocked her awake she rolled onto her back and felt her child shift inside of her. At five months he was finally big enough for her to feel. And that when he kicked her.

A smile spread across her face and she pulled up her t-shirt and moved a hand above the spot that was nudged from the other side waiting for the sensation again. As if on cue there was a ripple across her abdomen.

Kate couldn't help but laugh. It was strange. Here she was in a crappy motel room in Klamath Fall, Oregon and she was laughing by herself in the dark. That thought only made her laugh harder until she felt one more push and realized she couldn't roll over and place Jack's strong surgeon hands beneath her own. Her laughter died quickly and was replaced by racking sobs of remorse.

000

Jack glanced at the clock for the tenth time that night. 3:24 a.m. Something was keeping him awake, a feeling. At first having the bed back to himself was hard to get used to. He didn't sleep much those first few weeks without her. And then he became used to fitful sleeps and wicked dreams. Dreams about not ever seeing her again.

He got up and headed down the hall to where his spare room used to be. He switched on the lights and smiled at his work thus far. The nursery was coming along better than he had expected. He'd gotten the second coat of pastel green on the walls, leaving room for either blue or pink trim. He'd received the white rocking chair he'd ordered out of a home décor magazine only three days earlier. Slowly but surely his son/daughter's room was being finished.

The doctor flicked off the light and headed down the stairs to the kitchen.

He opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk instead of the bottle of wine he had in the back. He'd been there, done that and no good had come of drinking his problems away. No matter how drunk he got she still wasn't with him.

Sitting at the island with his glass, he somehow remembered the day he'd taken her to their first ultra-sound. It had been amazing up until that peds doctor had attacked Kate.

"_She's not who you think she is,"_ echoed in his head. There was no way that Kate was capable of keeping secrets like that. Was she?

Marc had approved of her. Said she was what he needed. That she wasn't anything like Sarah and she'd done exactly what his ex-wife had.

Desperately lonely, he took a gulp of milk. It felt like glue in his mouth and decided to go back to bed. He was not a faithful man but he found himself praying that by some miracle she'd be in his bed fast asleep.

000

"Hi there." Sawyer stepped to the gas station counter and laid down a twenty. "Pump four." He scanned the shelves of cigarettes with envy but remembering Kate and the baby, the reason he had quit in the first place, when his eye caught the lotto tickets. "And three scratch tickets," he added with a smile.

He was feeling lucky.

The cashier gave him his change and three colorful, sturdy pieces of paper. The southerner waited until he was in car before he pulled out a quarter and started scratching.

000

Kate didn't sleep after the baby woke her up the night before. She looked tired and felt even worse. Slipping on her favorite pink t-shirt she noted that it was getting to tight.

"Great. Another shopping trip." She muttered other things to herself still tugging at the clingy material trying in vain to stretch it out.

Pony-tail holder in hand she stepped into the bathroom to put up her mass of brown curls. She needed a hair cut too.

"KATE!" Sawyer crashed through her door, scaring her half to death in the process.

After her spike of panic and a small gasp she threw the closest thing she could find, which happened to be her shoe. "My God! Do you ever knock anymore!? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Kate! You are never going to guess what happened! You are never going to believe our good luck!" Sawyer danced around like some child with a new toy. The brunette shook her head. She'd never seen him like this in all of the time they'd been together.

"Sawyer, you're scaring me. Just tell me what happened."

He didn't say anything, just held up a pink and green scratch card with the number 200,000 written in bold print.

Kate's eyes went wide once she'd realized that there was a dollar sign in front of the obscenely large number.

"Oh my God! This is all yours!?" She took the card from him as he shouted a "Hallelujah."

"What are you going to do with it all? Put it in bank account and collect interest? You could make so much money like that." She sat on the edge of her bed in disbelief.

"No…actually…I was thinking I'd get an apartment. Like a really living space instead of this hell hole." He was slightly out of breath from the excitement.

Kate's face fell. "That's a good idea. I would if I were you." She felt an emptiness knowing that she couldn't see him everyday. Knowing that she couldn't run over and use his shower when her hot water went out or she didn't feel like cooking. It almost put a sense of dread to everything she would do while in Klamath Falls.

A moment ago Sawyer's heart had been beating wildly because of the rush of the situation but now it was beating wildly for a different reason. His mouth became dry and anticipation pricked at his forehead. "Freckles, would you move in with me?"

Her eyes shot up and immediately she wondered if he meant what he'd just said. 'But Jack…' was all she could think.

**A/N: There you go! A genuine cliffhanger. Do you think she'll really move in with him? Review and tell me what you think! Oh and there was a little bit of Jack loneliness. Would that make it jloneliness?**


	23. Starting Over

"Bring it in here…" Kate directed the movers into her and Sawyer's new apartment. Things had moved at light speed after she'd agreed to live with him. It only took a week and a half to find that met their criteria and was in their price range.

It was a quaint little place despite the amount of rooms it had: A living room, kitchen, two bathrooms (one upstairs, one downstairs), two bedrooms and an extra room that would be a nursery. And it was right across town from the flower shop and about fifteen minutes from the clinic. The prime location is what had sold Sawyer, even if it was better for her than him. He was now driving twice the distance to work.

"That's gonna look great." She heard the familiar voice from behind her and felt a hand on her shoulder. "You're pretty good at this decorating stuff Freckles."

"I always thought I'd be good at it but I never got the chance to try." The movers set down a brown suede couch against a cream colored wall. The wood floor beneath her feet added a warm feeling to the room that was being done in all neutrals.

The piece of furnishing took her back, for just a moment, to Matt's bedroom with his off-white walls and his giant black leather arm chair. She'd have to put and end table with a lamp on one end and maybe a basket of reading material on the other. Just to change the esthetic.

She walked into the kitchen to put away the new dishes while the movers went out to fetch another piece of heavy furniture. Unwrapping the grey plates and cups Sawyer opened up the fully stocked fridge and came away with an arm full of food.

"I thought I'd make some pasta for an early supper if that sounded good to you," he set onions and tomatoes on the counter with every intention of making his own sauce.

"Um…I guess it sounds fine. I'm not really hungry yet." She put all the tableware in their respective cabinets.

"Freckles, you're pregnant. Aren't you supposed to be hungry all the time and have all sorts of weird cravings?" He chuckled, starting to cut different vegetables.

"Sawyer just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have to be crazy," she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Then she left the kitchen and made her way back to living room. The front door sat directly across from the couch, next to the television and she rushed to hold it for the movers. They brought in a full sized mattress. "Straight up the stairs by the fridge guys. It's the first room on the right."

They gave her a friendly smile and she sat down on the couch. She looked around at her living room with pride. The color pallet was really quite nice. It was manly enough that Sawyer could live with it but it was soothing in a Serengeti kind of way. Maybe she'd find some of that tall brown grass to put in the corner. Then again…the room wasn't that large to begin with. She didn't want to take way from it anymore.

Kate smiled sadly at herself. Laying a gentle hand on her bulging belly she thought, 'I'm getting really good at starting over.' Some people tried their whole life to start over and Kate did it almost every year; sometimes more. Even though it was with Sawyer, who she had 'started over with' almost four months ago, they were starting over yet again by moving in together.

Part of her wasn't sure what this move meant. She thought of Sawyer as her best friend, maybe the best she'd ever had, but lately she'd been wondering if she was the same to him.

They were long over due for a good heart to heart.

With that in mind she awkwardly got up off the couch, the six months of pregnancy now in the way, and walked back to the kitchen just in time to see the movers come down the stairs.

"That's it," said the head of the team. "Thank you for your business Mr. and Mrs. Ford." Then he shook both of their hands, all the while Kate was tempted to tell them that she and Sawyer weren't married. Although it was easy to assume that they were. They were moving into a bigger place, she was pregnant, and he treated her like a princess.

"Need some help," she asked shyly after they left.

"From you, Freckles? Always." He smiled warmly and got another knife out for her to cut tomatoes.

They chopped in silence for no more than a few seconds before Sawyer piped, "It was funny that they thought we were married huh?"

Kate laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess. I mean we do look like a married couple if you think about it."

"Yeah." Sawyer's voice was wistful and far away.

"Sawyer?"

"Huh?" He snapped out of his daydream.

"We're still…just friends, right?" She heard the steady thump against the chopping board cease.

"Of course…I mean unless you wanted to open it up for discussion. I'm open for change." He looked at her with intense eyes, almost hopeful.

"Well, I don't know about you, but a new place and baby coming in less than three months is enough change to last me a while." She grabbed his hand next to hers on the counter. "I'm really happy with where things are. It's comfortable and easy. You know? I'm not afraid to talk to you about anything and I hop you feel the same way."

"I do." The blonde man's tone was disappointed and he didn't hide it well. "Freckles, I love you." Then he drew her into a bear hug.

"I love you too Sawyer but you're crushing me…and the baby." She let out and out of breath, almost cough of a breath.

He let out a manly laugh and bent over and put a hand on her middle. "Sorry Tex, didn't mean to squish you." Then his eyes went wide. "He just kicked?"

"Yeah. He does that sometimes." She let a genuine smile grace her freckled face.

"Oh man. That was too cool." He stood up straight with his hand lingering a little longer than it should have on her hip. With a chuckle, Sawyer turned back to making dinner.

Kate just watched him for a moment. He was so content just making dinner for her, with the occasional 'I love you', and sharing the little exciting things about her pregnancy. All in all, she really did appreciate him. He took such good care of her…

"You want to play Twenty Questions?" Her child stirred within her, a sign this game should stay sacred but there were things about Sawyer she wanted to know. Things she needed to know.

"Sure. Whose goin' first?"

"I will." Abandoning her vegetables, she situated herself, with a little difficulty, on the small peninsula of counter jutting out from the small pantry. "When's your birthday?"

"Not until June." He dug around under the sink for a sauce pan.

"Who was the first person you slept with and how old were you?"

"I'm counting that as two questions and I was sixteen. Her name was Hannah Becker. Little blonde things, way to innocent for my taste but I wanted her so ba…"

"Thank you! Only asked for her name!" Kate looked away embarrassed and giggled out loud. "Question number four: what is your exact relationship with Vicky?"

He watched her cup her abdomen and lean back on one arm like she was ready for a good story. With a sigh he started, "For all intensive purposes she's my mother."

There was a silence between the two with the exception of the soft bubble of Sawyer's spaghetti sauce. "You know my next question," her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yeah. And to answer it…they died…when I was really little. Well, my dad technically killed my mom and himself while I hid under the bed so I guess you can't really say they died because died implies they were sick or something." He stirred the red liquid in the pan that reminded him way to much of his father's blood pooling on the floor. "Next question." He demanded harshly.

"Um…" Kate swallowed hard. That hadn't been the answer she expected. "Why don't we count that as fifteen questions worth of answers and move on."

He nodded solemnly. "So, Freckles…when's your birthday?"

"It might be next week." Sawyer turned around with a 'Are you serious' look on his face. "October 12." All of the sudden a truly evil grin spread across the southerner's face.

"Sawyer…" she said warningly, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

**A/N: Yes…she moved in with him. And I've posted pictures of Motel Falls, the inspiration for Jack's nursery, and inspiration for the apartment on my profile. Review and tell me what you think!**


	24. A Broken Birthday

A/N: I think it's funny that you guys got so worked up over the skate stuff. This is a jate story and you have to have a little faith in my skills as an author. It will be right in the end. This chapter is going to take a turn from skate and lead to things that…well, just read!

Kate woke up to a knock at her door. The clock told her it was quarter to nine and she had to be at work in fifteen minutes.

"Come in," she said groggily. She propped herself up on her thick white pillows with blue trim.

"Happy birthday." Sawyer waltzed in with a smile and a cup cake with a single lit candle on it. "I was gonna make a cake but…I messed it up." She looked at him confused. How did you screw up a cake? "Salt instead of sugar."

He sat down on the edge of her bed and looked around. "Your room turned out nice Freckles. Very fresh looking." And indeed it was. She exhaled softly and looked around at the room she had only put the finishing touches on the day before. His eyes traveled back to the brunette in bed and the melting candle on the pathetic little cup cake. "Blow out the damn thing before it ruins your birthday cake!"

She chuckled and closed her eyes. Silent but desperate she made a wish for something she knew would never happen. With sad eyes she blew out the tiny flame and thanked her friend for the birthday wishes.

"You don't think that's it, do you?" She tugged at her oversized t-shirt as he helped her out of bed. He looked at her with secrets in his eyes as he led her downstairs.

On the kitchen table that only sat four at a time was a huge breakfast. "Sawyer, this is lovely but I don't have time for this. I have to be at work in…" she glanced at the stove top clock, "in two minutes."

"No you don't. I called Vicky and she gave the day off."

"Really?" She sat down on the chair Sawyer pulled out for her. "This is awesome. Happy birthday to me," she followed up quietly and dug into a pancake.

000

He went on to fix her lunch, a simple grilled cheese, and took her to the hardware store for more paint.

"I was hoping to start on your room today." She scanned the paint swatches lingering on a few green and one grey color. "Want to help me paint?"

"Only if we use this color." He pulled out a soft shade of green. "Lilly pad. Could I have picked a girlier green?"

She laughed. "It's pretty. It'll be fresh looking like my room. Good pick." He carried three cans to the check out lane and piled them in the back of his car. They listened to the radio all the way home just enjoying the sunny day. For October it was fairly warm, sixty degrees with a few gusts of wind now and then. The leaves were starting to change from their typical Kelly green to all sorts of reds and oranges. It was going to be beautiful when November rolled around.

Kate gasped with a hard punch from 'Tex' and saw Sawyer give her a worried look. She shook her head and went back to watching the world go by.

When they got home Sawyer carried the cans for paint up the stairs and she pulled out a container of yogurt from the fridge.

Today had been a really nice day. Easy. She did someone stuff she'd been needing to do, ate some good food that she didn't have to cook, and just felt relaxed the whole time. Well, she was relaxed until the lonely feeling crept back into the pit of her stomach. She almost felt guilty for having a good day without him.

She'd been trying so hard to move on, told herself daily that she would be better off without him even though she knew it wasn't true. If she didn't have small reminders of him everywhere it would be so much easier. Not that she could ever really forget him with the evidence of their love manifesting itself into human form within her own body.

Gently she set down her snack and wrapped her arms around her middle in a half hug. It was the closest she'd ever get to holding him again.

000

"Alright Freckles, it's present time." Sawyer announced as he took her empty dinner plate away.

"You didn't need to get me anything. Today was enough." She twisted in her seat to face him with an appreciative smile gracing her face.

"Well, I wanted to so don't complain."

He took her hand and guided her up to the spare room and opened the door with anticipation.

Inside, the room was empty with the exception of a beautiful white crib with a yellow and blue blanket draped over the side. Kate gasped and put a shocked hand over her open mouth. "It's…perfect."

"I saw it in a window and knew you had to have it."

He took a stance leaning against the door frame as she went to take a closer look at her gift. She really was beautiful. Pregnancy suited her more than she knew. And as her small hands traced the white painted wood she turned to him with tears in her eyes and mouthed a truly genuine 'thank you'. Deep down he knew she didn't love him the way he loved her but right now it didn't matter. He just held on to the feeling she gave him for a second longer.

"There's one more thing but its kinda stupid compared to this." He disappeared into his room and came back with a book in hand. He had it wrapped in a piece of yellow ribbon. "The lady said it was the best one."

_The Complete Book of Baby Names._

Kate's breath hitched in her throat. The babies on the cover seemed to stare at her with knowing eyes and suddenly she was overwhelmed. She didn't cry. She didn't hyperventilate. She didn't yell, or throw anything. She just…broke.

"I thought maybe we could start looking at names. You know, since he's a boy and all. Now we can start calling him by his real name instead of 'Tex' and 'Baby Boy'."

She lifted her head and looked at him hoping he would see the despair she felt. "Sawyer I don't think…"

"See, there's a whole section on international names and the meanings of all of them…" he opened the book in her hands to the table of contents, his excitement evident.

"Sawyer, I…" she tried.

"I don't particularly like unisex names so we'll just pretend that chapter isn't there. And if we decide to have another…"

"SAWYER!" His head snapped, attention finally caught. "I can't accept this. You'll have to take it back. I'm really sorry."

She moved towards the door but he ensnared her arm with a, "Kate, what is going on? You loved this a second ago."

"That was before you started talking about 'our' baby! _We're_ not having a baby! I AM!" Her voice was uncontrollable. She felt the intensity grow and couldn't stop it, nor did she want to try.

"I'm sorry Kate. I just wanted to help you pick out a name."

"Yeah, well, you can't." She spat using her hands to support her lower back.

"Why?" He asked gently trying to calm her down.

She looked at him with a hardness he'd never seen in her eyes before. "Because you're not Jack." She left immediately after, leaving him in the room with nothing but a crib and a book of baby names.

He finally understood. She was still very much in love with the man he knew nothing about. It didn't matter that he bought her gifts, hung on every word she said, or let her decorate '_their_' place.

He wasn't Jack.

000

Kate played with the cordless phone in her hands. She was going to call him and actually talk this time. 'I will not hang up the phone, I will not hang up the phone, I will not hang up the phone' she promised herself over and over.

Thoughtfully she glanced at the clock, quarter to ten. He would be up still. If she was going to do it she had to do it now.

With the greatest of care she pressed each button, typing in the number she knew by heart. The number she had once called her own.

Her thumb hovered above the last digit. One move of her finger could fix it all. It could make her happy again. Or it could destroy the life she longed for with every ounce of her soul.

"Kate?" She jumped, slamming the phone down on the kitchen table and crossed her arms over her large middle. Leaning against the counter facing the table she waited for him to say something, purposely not meeting his gaze.

"Kate…I'm so sorry. I had no idea you still felt that way about him. You seemed so ready to move on and…I was here." She still didn't turn around so he went to her. "I know I screwed up but if you'll just say something we can talk about it. This can't be easy for you." Pulling out a chair for her, he gestured for her to take a seat. "You bottle everything up. I never know exactly how you're feeling. When we were still living at Motel Falls, you told me you wanted to be happy. That you were turning your face to the sun."

Kate looked up astonished that he remembered the pact she'd made to herself.

"Those were your exact words, were they not?" She nodded slowly. "I tried really hard to make that happen for you." That sat for a moment as he waited for her to finish thinking about what he said. "I mean it when I say I love you, I know you don't. At least not in the same way. Katie, there's lots of different kinds of love and if brotherly love is all you feel for me…so be it. I'm alright with that."

He picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID screen and saw a number he didn't recognize. "You tried to call him didn't you?"

She licked her lips, her brow becoming furrowed and nodded solemnly. "I can't do it." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I can't talk to him. My God, it's been so long. I haven't even sent him pictures from the sonograms…I just left. I'm as bad as Sarah! Worse even!" She started to sob and Sawyer didn't know what to do but scoot his chair over and hold her.

"It's gonna be okay." He told her just like always.

"No it's not. I've never felt this way before. I've never left someone and thought about them every day, and I swear it's not just because I'm having his baby." She cried a moment longer before she took a deep breath and looked at her friend.

"I said I was ready to turn my face to the sun…Jack is the sun. I don't see him, talk to him, or about him anymore but he's still the center of my universe."

Sawyer's heart cracked and he let out a sigh. "Then we'll have to fix it won't we." Kate let out another heart-wrenching cry as he smoothed her dark curls away from her face.

All the while, the phone on the table had been dialed and Jack had picked up the receiving end.

He sat on his stairs in LA listening to another man try in vain to comfort the love of his life in Klamath Falls, Oregon.

There was no conversation on the other line just muffled moans of the sadness he had felt for over four months now. Tears burned his eyes. He dared not hang up for fear of forgetting the sound of her voice, so broken and raw as she had said, _"Jack is the sun." _

At least now he knew she was somewhere out there safe, taken care of, and that she still loved him every bit as much as he still loved her.


	25. Late Nights and Law Enforcement

"So did you actually get to talk to her?" Marc asked with the notion Jack has lost his mind completely this time.

"No. But I heard her talking to someone else." He turned to Marc with hope in his eyes for the first time in months. "She said she still loves me."

"Jack…" The red head's heart ached for his best friend. How was he ever going to get over this girl if he wouldn't stop talking about her, thinking about her, hearing her voice when clearly it wasn't her? "Jack…you need to take some time off. Go somewhere. Get out of here."

"What?" Jack turned away from the box of pizza sitting on the stove and handed Marc his share.

"You need a vacation. Go to Vegas, gamble a little and have some really hot sex with a girl twice as pretty as Kate was." He took the plate but grabbed Jack's wrist. "You need to forget."

"Marc, I don't need to forget. I need to find her. I know she's out there somewhere and I can't stand knowing that she's just to proud to come back."

The other man just hung his head. Jack really thought he heard this girl on the phone and deep down he could convince him that he was probably sleep deprived and was hallucinating the whole thing.

"You know I'll do anything for you, Jack. You're like a brother to me. That's why I was best man at your wedding. That's why you'll be mine if I can ever find a girl shorter than me that can still play basketball and beat me at Trivial Pursuit. But I'm not going to help you find someone that doesn't want to be found." Jack sat down at the island across from his friend with a disappointed face.

"If you're my brother than you should know that I wouldn't be looking for Kate if she didn't want to be found." He took a bite of pizza like it was no big deal. Almost like they weren't talking about the girl that meant more to him than his own life. "Kate is so different from everyone else. She helps me cook and waits up for me when I work late. And I don't mind eating vegetarian meals for her." His voice was wistful and his eyes far away, in a better time and place.

"That doesn't mean anything Jack. It just means you're infatuated." Mark took a rude slurp of his diet coke.

"She knows everything on my iPod,"

"Everything?" Mark's eyes went wide.

"Everything." Jack nodded. "And I know that guys aren't supposed to talk like this but the sex is just…"

"I get it. It's good. But I've had great sex with lots of girls. That doesn't mean I want to marry them."

"But it's not just sex with Kate. We make love. That's the difference. That's why I can't let her go. That's why I know she meant what she said on the phone."

Marc shook his head for the millionth time during their conversation trying desperately to understand Jack's need for this girl that ripped his heart out.

"If you guys make love than why did she leave?" Jack was quiet, not out of defeat but thoughtfulness. "You know I wouldn't try to make this miserable if I didn't want you to see that life is still going on without her. You still have a job and a best friend. You will meet more girls, girls that are not like Kate. Girls that want to have fun and be casual. Girls that don't have so much baggage that they can't commit to more than two months of a relationship at a time." Jack still didn't say anything and Marc bit into his second slice of pizza, a victorious look in his eye. He was sure that Jack could understand that logic. After all, he was a logic kind of guy.

"I think that's why she left." The spinal surgeon looked up to see his red headed buddy sigh and hang his head. "Marc, she's tried to tell me something on more than one occasion. I think I always interrupted her." Jack stood up and started pacing around the kitchen, excited by his new epiphany.

"Like what?" Marc still sat eating his late dinner.

"I don't know, but I had to be important if she never told me." He went back to all of their late night conversations, collecting evidence as he went. "She never talked about her parents, we always talked about mine."

"Maybe because your dad is a giant obstacle in your life?"

"Aren't most children's parents' giant obstacles in their lives?" That brought a pang to Jack's chest thinking of his own child that would come sooner than he anticipated. It worried him to think he would be an obstacle in his son or daughters life someday.

"So you think she has something going on with her parents?"

"You don't think they hurt her or anything, do you?"

"Jack, how many abused patients have you had? Does Kate fit any of that?" He offered trying to help Jack answer his own question.

"I don't know. We never delve into it. She doesn't _need_ me like most abused children do…" He thought a moment longer. "She has an irrational fear of hospitals."

"How does that play into anything? Is her dad a doctor or something?"

"I don't know…I really don't know anything about her family. Just that she grew up in Iowa."

"Iowa!? Seriously?" Marc chuckled never having thought of Kate has a down home kind of girl.

"I know. That's what I said." He did another circle around the room and stopped. "There was an incident the first time we went to the hospital. We ran into this guy from peds and he like…grabbed her and started yelling at her. Called her Amy? He told me she's not who I think she is."

"Sounds creepy." Marc carried his now empty plate to retrieve more pizza. If Jack wasn't eating it, he was.

"It was. And later that night she told me that he was right."

"_I'm sorry about yesterday." She said it so quietly she wasn't sure if Jack had heard it or not due to his lack of response. Then he stirred, loosening his grip around her waist._

"_You don't have say anything."_

"_Yes I do." She nodded to no one. "I'm sorry that…"_

"_That what? That some guy practically attacked you? You have nothing to be sorry about." His voice was soothing despite the seriousness of their conversation._

"_No. I'm not sorry for that. I'm sorry that he was right." _

"_What was he right about?" Jack asked cautiously._

"_He was right about me not being the person you think I am." Her heart beat hard with fear and anticipation. Rolling over to face the man in bed with her swallowed hard and took a deep breath._

_He looked tired. The kind of tired that makes everyone look older than they really are, the kind that makes your heart break for them._

_She couldn't do it. She was going to tell him everything and let him decide whether or not he still wanted her. She was going to lay all of the cards on the table, but after looking at his face, she couldn't do it._

"_What are you talking about, Katie?" He called her Katie, just adding another crack to her already injured heart._

_Thanking God that it was to dark for him to see the tears in her eyes; she smiled a small smile and said, "I don't know. I guess I'm just scared, you know?" _

_He nodded. "Me too. But don't worry. We have plenty of time to do whatever we want to do before things get crazy around here." Jack laughed just a little after that._

"_Yeah. You're right." Feeling her heart sink lower in her chest than it ever had she closed her eyes to sleep._

"My God. She was going to tell me something horrible and I didn't let her." Jack sat back down on his stool tired and guilty.

Marc was quiet. Maybe there was way more to this girl than met the eye. Maybe she actually ran away for a reason. Maybe she ran away from the cops that were walking up to Jack's front door.

"Hey, Jack. You have visitors." He said simply.

000

"It's fine. You go to work. I'll catch a bus home." He looked at her was worried eyes. "Sawyer…go." She shut the door to his car and started walking toward the clinic for her 28 week check up. She was so much bigger than she thought she'd be, having to cradle herself when she walked now. She still didn't waddle which was a blessing. Kate wouldn't allow herself to waddle.

She pushed hard on the front door and was welcomed by the familiar sterile smell of the place and the sounds of babies and young children.

It never failed to put a smile on her face to think of sitting in this waiting room with her son on her knee.

But her smile quickly faded as she saw two county cops talking to Amy at the front desk. She leaned over to a man waiting against the nearest wall.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know but someone said something about a convict?" He went back to his palm pilot.

That's all she needed to hear before the adrenaline took over and she quickly but nonchalantly exited the building never to return.

She didn't stop shaking until she had reached the nearest bus station. Now would be the time to run but she couldn't with the baby coming in only two months and Sawyer…

Kate knew she couldn't leave Sawyer without a word, even if he did know about her situation.

The bus pulled up just in time, she climbed aboard and chose a seat in the back. She leaned into the seat and took deep calming breaths, her arms wrapped around her one and only important possession.

It would be so easy to leave. To walk away from everything but she just couldn't.

All she knew was that the law had found her Klamath Falls and she was scared for her freedom for the first time since she could remember.


	26. Sounds Like A Plan

**A/N: The next few chapters are going to be a little shorter than usual. They're building up to something big so bear with me! Remember that reviews make me want to write more!!!**

"I get off around six so I'll be home by six-thirty. What time will you be back?" She asked him while she grabbed her purse and thirty cents for the bus.

"Umm…probably not 'til eight. So looks like you're cooking." He smirked at her with all the southern charm he could muster.

"Fine. But I'm not cooking meat." Kate returned his fake warmth and closed the door behind her.

"Finally." He murmured to himself. He rushed for the phone and searched through the caller ID looking for the number he didn't recognize.

When he found it he hit the dial button and held the receiver up to his ear. He figured he'd get voicemail since the man was a doctor but was totally surprise to hear a male voice on the other end greet him with a 'hello'.

"Hi, is this Jack Shepard?" Sawyer asked, his accent thinker than usual.

"Yes, may I ask whose calling?" Jack sat down at his table hoping this wasn't another attempt by the police to extract information he didn't have.

"You don't know me. My name is Sawyer Ford and I'm a friend of Kate's."

The doctor in Jack went into a panic, sure that no one would have called him unless something was wrong with the baby or worse, Kate was in an accident. "Umm…okay. Is she okay? The baby…"

"Everything alright. They're both fine. In fact she's headed off to work as we speak." Sawyer tried to calm him. He was much more nervous than he had thought he'd be. Why did this stranger intimidate him so much? Maybe because he was who Kate wanted.

Sawyer heard and audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. "If you don't mind my asking, why are you calling me?"

"Look, I know I'm a stranger to you and you have no reason to trust me but I want you to listen. Kate is miserable without you. I've tired my best to help her get over you and she can't." Sawyer drew pictures with his finger onto the granite counter top. He closed his eyes against the last statement. He wished with all his being that he could have helped her.

"I don't understand."

"I want you to come see her. I think if she could just talk to you she'd see that she needs you. That is if you still want her."

Jack held his breath, his mind racing. "I think I could do that. And trust me, I still want her."

'Join the club,' Sawyer thought to himself. "That would be great. When were you wanting to come?"

"Well, I'd have to know where you are first." Jack chuckled feeling the weight of the world lifting off of his shoulders, all the while the weight pressed down on Sawyer like a boulder.

"Oh, sorry. We're in Oregon. Klamath Falls." Jack didn't say anything and the southerner couldn't let the silence reign. "Thanksgiving is coming up in a few weeks. Why don't you join us?"

"That would be great. I could call of work and drive up on the 17th and stay through the 22nd. Does that sound okay?" He stood up to check the calendar for objections. There was nothing he couldn't get out of.

"Yeah…that sounds perfect. She'll be really happy to see you. But do you think I should tell her, or do you just want to show up?" Sawyer had a flash of Kate freaking out if she knew he was coming.

Jack smiled for the first time since he could remember. "I'll just show up."

"I think it's for the best. She does tend to freak out pretty easily with the baby coming soon and everything. She's really been on edge since her last doctor's appointment." Sawyer confessed.

"Why? Is something wrong?" The panic started to rise again.

"No. She's just getting antsy. That's all. She doesn't seem to think that seven weeks is enough time to get everything ready. It seems like a lifetime to me." Sawyer let a smile spread across his face at the thought of his brunette best friend and her antics.

Jack let the words soak in. Only seven weeks left. He took a deep breath, a question lingering on his lips. "Can you tell me about her? How she's been?"

"My friend, you are a brave man to take her on. She's a handful, that one, but she certainly keeps things interesting."

"That's for sure!" Together Jack and Sawyer shared in a quiet, unison laugh at the expense of the girl that owned both of their hearts.

Sawyer decided not to go to work that day. Instead he sat on the couch sharing stories of Kate with the man that should have been with her though her pregnancy. They laughed and Jack expressed his gratitude more than once. He even told Sawyer a few stories from the few months before he'd met Kate.

"That sounds like her." Sawyer agreed with yet another smile as he pictured her singing Billy Joel loudly and off key.

"Can I ask you something Sawyer?" Jack's voice was hushed and hesitant.

"After talking on the phone like two teenage girls, I think you can ask me anything."

"The police came and asked me the whereabouts of a girl named Katherine Austen. It was our Kate in the picture. Has anything like that happened to you?"

Sawyer shuttered, battling within himself to tell him that he knew very little about _their_ Kate's situation but that something was wrong. "No." He answered truthfully. "And I think you need to be asking her. Not me, you know?"

"Yeah. You're right." Jack looked out at the sun that had dipped way lower in the sky that he had expected. "Hey, I've got to go but thank you again for calling. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

"No problem, Doc. We'll keep in touch until we get everything straightened out for Thanksgiving. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like a plan." Jack smiled and hung up the phone with a renewed sense of hope. Only two weeks. He could make it two more weeks.

000

Sawyer heard the front door shut with Kate's arrival back home. "Freckles, that you?"

She sauntered into the kitchen, confused, to find Sawyer cooking dinner. "What are you doing home?"

"I didn't go to work. I wasn't feeling so hot so I took some Advil and went back to bed." He lied.

"Well, are you feeling better?" She made her way to the stove and pressed her palm against his forehead.

"Yeah. I don't have a fever. I'm just kind of achy." He was referring to his broken heart that had seemed to re-break with the conversation he had with Jack that afternoon.

If only she knew what was going on behind her back. If only she knew that the man she'd pined over for five months now was coming there to sweep her off her feet once again. If only she knew how much he was sacrificing to make her happy.

She looked up to meet his gaze and gave him a warm smile. "I guess we're having meat, huh?"

"Honey, we're having steak." He snorted when she wrinkled her nose in disgust. Then her eyes shut and her brow furrowed. "You alright?" He seemed to ask it every five minutes nowadays.

"Yeah. He rolled over. It's the weirdest feeling." Her face read uncomfortable more than anything.

"Well, why don't you go lie down while I'm cooking? I'll get you when it's ready."

She nodded and trod over to the couch. 'Freckles, you are in for such a surprise,' he couldn't help but think to himself.


	27. Foiled

Sawyer had been doing lots of planning with Thanksgiving only three days away. They had plans to eat there are the apartment; him, Kate, Vicky and Jack.

Speaking of Jack, he was expecting a call from the doctor letting him know what time he was getting in. Jack would stay at Vicky's until Thursday and then come in unannounced for dinner. Sawyer hated to admit it but he was looking forward to Kate's reaction.

He was lucky that Vicky was as understanding as she was. Sawyer thought back to that conversation.

_The bell rang as he entered the front door of In Full Bloom. "Vicky?" _

"_Back here, Baby!"_

_He followed the voice to back room; flowers were scattered everywhere like usual. It smelled like spring in the shop, that all too familiar smell of sweet, wet dirt. Vicky usually smelled the same way so he found it comforting in a strange and childish way._

"_Hey there." He greeted her with a hung and a warm smile._

"_Boy you need to come see more often. I feel like it's been months." She wiped at his shirt in a motherly manner._

"_I know. I've been busy with the new apartment and all." He picked up a flower and handed it to her._

"_Have you been busy with Kate?" The older woman gave him a grin that said more than needed._

"_Actually, Kate is what I wanted to talk to you about." Sawyer didn't make eye contact. He knew Vicky wanted to see the two together even more than he wanted too. Almost afraid to hear her response, he took a glance at her face. It was usually easy to read but not this time._

"_Go on," she prompted putting another white flower into her arrangement._

"_Vicky I have a really big and kind weird favor to ask you." She still didn't say anything, just kept on working. "I need you to put someone up for a few days."_

"_Who?"_

"_His name is Jack Shepard. He's from LA." Tossing his to long of hair out of his face, he added with some vigor, "He's a doctor." _

"_Sawyer…why am I letting a doctor stay in my house?" Her voice was wary, hesitant._

"_Because he's coming to see Kate." They made eye contact and he could see the confusion in her eyes. "He's the father."_

"_Oh…I see. How do you fee about all of this?" She put down the pink tulip she had been holding and gave him her undivided attention._

"_I was the one who called him."_

"_I take it she doesn't know."_

_Sawyer shook his head and looked at the floor. It was getting easier to talk about but it still had a grip on him that he could shake. Jack seemed like a nice enough guy and why shouldn't he see Kate? He had a right. That was what got him. Jack had a right to be with Kate. They were bonded by the life they had created. Sawyer had no connection to what so ever. He was just the guy that she lived with._

"_Sawyer. Why are you doing this?" Vicky laid a hand on his cheek and looked at him with love in her eyes._

_He thought for a moment. "Because I love her and she loves him. She wants to see him but she's afraid. I figure if I push her into it…than she'll have to work out some stuff that she needs to confront."_

"_You can't fix everything for her. You know that right?"_

"_I know but I can do my best to make her happy and Jack makes her happy." He crossed his arms and leaned against a shelf near by._

"_But hon, what about your happiness?" She laughed a little and mimicked his stance only leaning back on her work table._

_Yet another question that gave Sawyer pause. She made him happy. As long as she didn't leave him for good he'd be okay. "She makes me happy Vick. If she's happy, I'm happy. And I've talked to Jack a few times now and he's really pretty nice."_

"_If he was 'pretty nice' than why did she come live with you?"_

"_Vicky! Why do you have to ask so many questions!?" He threw his arms in the air out frustration. "I came to talk to you about sleeping arrangements, not my damn feelings. And you still haven't answered _my_ question yet? Will you let him stay with you?" _

"_For you…anything." She kissed his cheek and turned back to her flowers. "I just hope you're doing to the right thing," he heard her mumble under her breath._

Now he was scrambling to and from the grocery store trying to get everything ready for the big day.

Kate had been under the weather leaving him with all the work, which he didn't mind but it was stressing him out to the point of exhaustion. All the while he just kept thinking of the finishing line. How good it would feel to have Kate tell him thank you and how much she loved him, if only as a friend. 'Who knows, maybe Jack and I'll become as good a friends as me and Kate.' He thought to himself.

Grabbing a can of cranberry sauce from the shelf at the store he felt his cell phone vibrate.

"Hello?" He answered quickly no recognizing the number.

"Sawyer, it's me, Jack. I'm calling from a payphone." The other man was out of breath, like he'd been running.

"Why?" Sawyer stopped in the middle of the isle. He knew something was up.

"I can't call you from home. The cops are back."

His stomach sank and he knew that Jack wouldn't make it for dinner Thursday night if he had the police watching him.

"You know what they're lookin' for?" He felt is brow furrow in frustration as he listened to Jack's tale of how one of his neighbors had been questioned and said they'd seen her, Kate Austen, with him; that she had lived with him.

"Her last name's not Ryan. It's Austen and she's wanted for something. They won't tell me what though. I've got and appointment tomorrow with a Marshall that's been looking for her for six years now. He told me they won't charge me with aiding and abiding if I tell them everything." His voice was heavy but panicked. Sawyer could tell he was worried sick about the whole thing.

"Okay…do I need to take her somewhere? You think they'll find her up here?" Sawyer kept is voice low, paranoid that everyone could hear him the crowded grocery store.

"I'm not telling them where you are but I'll tell them everything else. I've got nothing to hide. She left me and I haven't heard from her since." Sawyer nodded even though the doctor couldn't see him.

"Alright. Call me if anything changes."

"Sawyer, do I need to be worried about her? About what she did?" Jack had so much emotion in his voice. The southern man couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"I don't know what she did but I know she felt like she didn't have a choice. She's pretty ashamed of herself, Doc. I wouldn't worry about what she did so much as how are we gonna protect her."

"Yeah." He responded after a moment. "I'll be in touch." And then he was gone.

Anxiety set in as Sawyer turned the corner into the bread isle. How was he going to protect almost eight month pregnant Kate? If the police were actively looking for her, what was he going to do to stop them? And how was he going to keep everything from her for very long?

**A/N: Muhahaha! I've delayed the reunion yet again! You all thought you'd get a happy little ending on a happy little holiday, well think again! Now is when we get into the knitty gritty. What's going to happen now that the police are closing in on her? And the baby is coming soon! Will Jack make it to Klamath Falls before anything happens? Will Marc ever help Jack to get her back!?**

**Keep reading and reviewing if you want answers! **


	28. What Did They Tell You?

Exactly two weeks after the ill-fated Thanksgiving reunion, Sawyer talked Kate into getting a Christmas tree. They bought a fake one, thinking is would last longer and make less of a mess in the new apartment, along with all the works: lights, ornaments, stockings, and even a festive Christmas cd to play while the decorated.

"It's weird to think that next year I'll being making Christmas happen for this little guy." Kate mused running her hands over her protruding middle. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Ever since she'd stopped making her monthly visits to the clinic she would feel the anxiety hit her. She had no idea if everything was still okay. He had stopped 'rolling over' now that there wasn't as much space, she figured, and she couldn't help but worry that he had gotten himself into a position that would eventually be dangerous. Or that maybe he had a deformity that they didn't see before. The list went on and one.

"Yeah. It'll be fun. And you'll be good at it," Sawyer complimented, bringing her back to the present. "I can just see you making cookies, playing Christmas carols constantly, talking about Santa, reading _'Twas the Night Before Christmas_, laying the presents out at three in the morning on Christmas day…" he let his eyes travel to hers and he smiled. "You'll have one hell of a good time Freckles."

She laughed out loud, her swollen stomach bounced in rhythm. "I guess I believe in Santa again!"

"Honey, you are Santa!" They laughed together for a moment. These were the times she appreciated having Sawyer around the most; when they were just being themselves without any pressure or expectations. Then Sawyer had to ruin it. "You think Jack'll want to help?"

Kate's face fell and she went silent. "I don't know. He probably won't even want to talk to me." She picked up a new ornament. The two of them had decided a silver and gold theme was classic.

"I bet you'd be surprised."

"I think you're wrong."

"Freckles, this is a season of faith. I think you need to have a little faith in that man of yours." He watched as her face twisted into something close to despair while he wrapped a silver piece of garland around the evergreen.

"I guess I don't have too much of that. I wouldn't want to talk to me after all this time." Kate caught a glimpse of herself in the gold ornament she still held in her hand. Her face was distorted into weird proportions; her nose was big and her eyes were tiny. She couldn't even recognize herself. But then again she hadn't been able to for quite some time. She'd changed since moving away from LA and even she noticed the difference. So, what would Jack say if they were to meet up again? 

"You know, if you love him as much as I think you do and he feels even remotely the same way, he won't care how long it's been. Besides, you said yourself how excited he was to be a dad. Why would he miss out on this?" Sawyer inquired without making eye contact. It made the conversation a little more casual not to look at each other. He just kept decorating.

"No, Sawyer. You didn't see the look on his face. I might as well have killed his dog." She sat down on the suede couch with difficulty.

"You never said he had a dog."

"He doesn't. It was just a figure of speech my mom used to use." She leaned forward to set the ornament on the coffee table and couldn't reach over her swollen self. Sawyer noticed her struggling and took the glass ball from her placing it at the top of the tree.

"I think that's the first time you've ever talked about either one of your parents." He mused.

"Yeah…" she swallowed hard. "I think I'm going to take a nap. I'll finish this up later if you want."

"S'alright. I'm kinda having a good time. I haven't done this since I was a kid." He pulled her up from her spot on the couch and took her into his arms, realizing how hard of a time she was having without Jack. On the surface she always seemed so in control, so put together but every once a blue moon he got to see the turmoil the bubbled below that sunny, freckled face. "Sleep well Kate." Then he kissed her head before she made her was through the kitchen to the stairs.

Sawyer wasn't a religious man by any stretch of the imagination but he had a respect for things beyond his control. Part of him hoped that the up-coming holiday wasn't celebrated for nothing; it was comforting to think that there was something more powerful out there that kept tabs on the good and bad.

At the same time it made him nervous. He'd done a lot of bad in his life but with the appearance of Kate he'd really turned himself around.

He sighed and silently said a prayer for the strength to protect her from her past and for the power to reunite her with the only thing that would ever truly make her happy.

With that he turned back around to the tree and continued to garnish it with gold and silver knick-knacks while simultaneously humming along with _Jingle Bells_.

He lifted his head to the sound of his cell phone ringing. It was soft, far away sounding. Probably Vicky. He walked through the kitchen and the sound seemed even farther away, so he moved back into the living room, turned off the stereo and followed the quiet rings to the couch. He reached his large hand in between the cushions and eventually pulled it out and silenced it so it wouldn't wake up his obscenely pregnant roommate.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw not Vicky's name but Jack's displayed on the front screen. He answered it quickly with a rough hello, turned the music back on and slipped out the front door and into the December cold.

"Sawyer, I'm glad you answered."

"Yeah…well when I saw your name on my caller ID I knew it was either really good or really bad. I take it's safe to call me again?" He stood close to the door, out of the way of the wind.

"Yeah…I told them everything so they had nothing to hold against me. I was just another pawn in her little game." His voice had more bite to it than Sawyer had ever heard. 

"You don't actually believe that do you?" He fought not to chatter.

He was met with silence from the other end. "I don't know." He finally answered.

"Hey, hey, hey. What happened to you? Two weeks ago you couldn't wait to see her. You were asking me all sorts of questions about how she was and all that jazz." Anger was started to raise his voice.

"You don't understand…"

"I might get it better that you think I will. I might not be a doctor but I'm not stupid."

"The Marshall just told me things that didn't sound like the Kate I know. I'm starting to wonder if everything about her was a lie." Sawyer heard him let out a breath, it was almost a laugh almost a sob.

"I'm pretty sure the Kate I know and the Kate you know are one in the same. There ain't nothing wrong with her. She's human." Sawyer battled himself for a moment before he added, "And I know she ain't lying when she tells me how much she still loves you."

"I'm not sure what I think anymore." Jack seemed unfazed by the confession form his new friend.

"What the hell!? Are you still coming up? 'Cause I was thinking you'd be my Christmas present to her. You really gonna take that away from me? From her? You have no idea how she's feeling right now…" Sawyer was shaking now, more from anger than cold.

"I don't know, okay? I have some stuff to sort out before I can even think about driving a day to see her. Just…" he trialed off, his frustration doused by something Sawyer couldn't see. "Just don't call me for now."

And then the phone went silent. "Jack?" Sawyer looked at the blinking words "Call Ended" on his display screen and pressed end key harder than needed. "Son of a bitch!" He shouted out of aggravation.

Then the door behind him gave way and he stumbled to keep his balance. "Sawyer, what are you doing out here?"

Kate stood with the door cracked open, one hand on the door frame, the other supporting her heavy abdomen.

"Had to take a phone call Freckles. Didn't want to wake you." He pushed passed her hoping she hadn't heard who he'd been talking too.

"Is everything alright?" Her face was more worried than anything else.

He thought for a moment, contemplating telling her everything that he'd been planning and how Jack was about to screw it all up. About what a baby he was being. But at the last second he relaxed and just shook his head. "No, but it will be. Don't worry about it."

Running his hands through his hair, he read every thought in her head. 'I am worried. Who were you talking to? Please tell me…' and all the while he mentally pleaded that she couldn't read what was on his mind: 'What did the Marshall tell you, Jack?'

**A/N: Sorry for the late update. I'm having a bit of writers block. I'm really interested to see if you guys think Jack will show up, and what did the Marshall tell him? How is Sawyer going to work this all out, and it's been a while since we've seen cops in Klamath Falls, hasn't it? Review and tell me what you think!**


	29. A Surprise Visit

Jack made the decision not to go home right away after work. He'd been in surgery for over ten hours and his patient would walk again after some physical therapy. He should have been the proudest man alive, but it was the exact opposite.

He'd never felt so heavy before. Like he hadn't slept in weeks, like he'd eaten too much for every meal, like he'd had his heart broken for the second time by the same girl and she didn't even have to say a word.

Even Marc was noticing a difference. When Kate had left him he maintained a hopeful demeanor…he knew deep down they would be together again. Now his outlook was bleak to say the least.

The Kate Austen that the Marshall had been telling him about was not the girl he knew and loved so dearly. She was vicious and untrustworthy, a liar and he was convinced she manipulated him into loving her.

Taking her home that night was a mistake. Sleeping with her was a mistake. Their baby…was a mistake.

Jack brought up a hand to wipe at his face. He'd never felt so alone in his entire life.

000

Kate sat on the couch curled up in a blanket. Sawyer was away on business and she was to creeped out to sleep upstairs in her own bed. He'd only be gone for two days but she still felt isolated and a tad bit afraid. She was eight and a half months pregnant without anyone to help her if she went into premature labor, or if she fell, or…

She sat up and started take deep, controlled breaths to ward off the impending panic attack. The brunette wrapped her blanket even tighter around her ever growing body.

It was colder than it should have been for the middle of December and with her pregnancy reaching the finish line she was more fatigued than she could ever remember being.

It scared her that she was sitting, curled up as much as possible, on the couch watching the door in the dark for fear of it flying open, revealing her worst nightmare. And without Sawyer's presence to make it feel safe, she was honestly and completely alone for the first time in a long while.

000

Jack finally rolled into his driveway at a quarter to midnight only to be struck with panic. There was a body on his stoup and an unfamiliar one at that. Sometimes Marc would wait for him when he could find the spare key but the person on the font steps wasn't Marc. He, at least Jack thought it was a he, looked much taller and had broader shoulders.

Careful, Jack got out of his car and yelled, "Can I help you?"

"Do you always come home this late?" The stranger didn't stand up to meet him but Jack recognized the thick southern accent immediately.

"No…sometimes I don't come home at all," he exhaled loudly. 'And I wish tonight would have been one of them,' he added mentally.

"Listen…I know you said not to call…" Sawyer stated from the steps where he still kept his position.

"You're right…I did." Jack spat back.

"Well, that's why I had to come talk some sense into that think head of yours." Jack was now walking over Sawyer and opened the door. They made eye contact for the first time ever and Jack nodded towards the door, a silent invitation.

Once inside, Jack shed his coat and brief case to reveal jeans and a brown sweater. Sawyer was in something similar with no coat. "You don't wear coats in Oregon?"

"It's way warmer down here than it is up there, that's for damn sure!" Sawyer looked around at the large yet cozy home. The one Kate had told all too much about. It wasn't exactly like he'd imagined but somehow it suited the doctor he'd come to know through the girl that connected them both.

Jack moseyed into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, "Hope you like it black. I haven't been to the store in a while." Sawyer nodded and pulled a stool out from the island.

That's when it got quiet. Sawyer just kept looking around and Jack was staring at him with as much anger as he could muster through is fog of low energy, each one waiting for the other to speak first.

Sawyer exhaled softly, but loud enough that Jack could hear. The drip of the coffee into the pot seemed to be echoing off the walls. The winter wind was rapping at the window like an unseen enemy and Jack couldn't take it a moment longer.

"What the hell do you want?" Asked loudly and it suddenly became silent.

"I told you earlier…I came to talk some sense into you." He leaned forward and hushed his voice. "I don't think you understand what a mistake you're making by not coming to see her. You're baby is going to be born in less than three weeks and she's freakin' out. All she talks about is you…even when she's not talkin' about you I know what she's thinkin'."

"Why are you telling me this?" Jack asked in a harsh tone. He didn't want to listen to Sawyer's stories about a girl he once loved.

"Because she needs you. And I'm pretty sure that you still need her too." The blonde man leaned back on his stool and nodded towards the full coffee pot. "Mind if I help myself?"

Jack shook his head. This was almost too much. This man that Kate had basically left him for was pouring himself coffee in his kitchen. The kitchen he and Kate had made dinner in, made love in…the kitchen that he and Kate were going to make a life in. But that was a distant dream now, squashed by the overwhelming truth of their situation. "You know when she left…I knew she'd be back. Or I'd go find her…it was as simple as that. We were supposed to be together. And then you called me and…and it seemed like the whole world started spinning again." He avoided eye contact.

"Then what changed?"

He thought a moment. "Everything." Jack made his way over to the pot and made himself a mug and sat down at the island where Sawyer had sat.

"Tell me what the Marshall said and I can tell you it ain't true."

"How?" Jack said incredulously.

"Because I know her. I know her like you know her." Jack looked up his eyes glazed over in a look that seemed to say 'no you don't'. "She's still the same girls he was six months ago."

"While that maybe true…she's not the girl I thought she was." The words rang through his head and he was instantly back in the elevator that day at the hospital. The peds doctor had told him she wasn't who he thought she was. The prophetic stranger had been right.

"Yes she is!" Sawyer slammed his cup down on the island in front of Jack; his voice loud, his eyes livid. "If you would just come see her you'd know that! We've all got a few skeletons in our closet: I've got mine and I'm sure you've got yours, so who are you to pass judgment?"

"You know you've got some nerve coming down here and talking to me this way! You have no idea what that girl has put me through! You don't know how I feel!"

"I think you'd be surprised." His voice a hot whisper.

"Really?" Jack stared Sawyer down, a silent challenge between the two men.

"Just tell me what the Marshall said." Sawyer enunciated after a few quiet, tension filled moments.

Jack just maintained his gaze and said calmly, "Get out."

Sawyer took the opportunity and made his way to the door, Jack close behind. He was down the first to steps, one more and he'd be on his way, back to Kate, but something stopped him and he turned around.

"I would kill for her to love me. If I were you I wouldn't throw this away because of someone you don't even know."

"If you love her so much why don't _you_ marry her? Make a life with her? Raise my child like it was yours?" Jack spat back.

"She don't want me! I don't make her happy and I've seen that she's suffered enough in this lifetime to know that she deserves more. That's why I'm here. 'Cause you're the only thing that's gonna turn her life around. And like I told you, I'd trade places with in a second and it makes me sick to know that you could have everything I want if you would just grow up." Then he turned on his heel and got in his car, Oregon bound, leaving Jack standing on his front porch in the bitter cold.

**A/N: A little confrontation. Do you think Sawyer broke through? Jack better make up his mind soon because in the next chapter…Christmas time is here! Review!!! There's only five chapters left!!!**


	30. Merry Christmas Kate

Kate knew that Sawyer was planning something big for Christmas. He'd been busy and brooding since his "business trip", barely saying two words about anything important, and every time the phone rang he hurried to pick it up before she did.

"Sawyer Ford, I'm going to kill you if you do anything outrageous." She didn't tell him anything more. All he needed to know was that she knew what he'd been up too.

"What are you talkin' about?" He asked with just a bit of alarm in his voice.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, a smile creeping onto her face. "I know what you're doing and while I think it's flattering, but it's not necessary. You're going to make me feel bad." She caressed her boulder of an abdomen and smiled. "I didn't really spend a whole lot on your present, but I think you'll like it."

Sawyer sighed in relief that she still had no clue the caliber of the gift he'd be giving her…that is if her gift would cooperate. It was only a two days before Christmas and he'd seen neither hide nor hair of the man.

Part of him was terrified Jack wouldn't show and ruin this big plan just to spite him. The other part of him was terrified Jack _would _show up and ruin this big plan by running his big mouth by wanting answers to questions he really shouldn't have concerned himself with.

But watching Kate walk, with the slight waddle she swore she'd never adopt, back to the couch the part of him that wanted Jack to show dominated completely. She deserved to see him, faults and all.

000

Kate sat on the couch later that night watching TV – The Flintstone's Christmas if he wasn't mistaken – while he paced around the kitchen checking his phone every minute and a half. Jack had made no contact to say he was coming.

"C'mon. Call dammit. You know you want to…" he whispered to the silent phone. 'Just call Jack'. It killed him that the man couldn't tell how much he wanted this for Kate, that he was being that selfish.

"What are you doing?" Her familiar voice floated to him from behind.

Quickly, he pocketed his cell and swiveled around, "Uh…nothing important. Want something to eat?" She nodded weirdly before her face crumpled and she pressed the base of her palm into her lower middle, letting out a small, shallow breath.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You okay?" He grabbed her upper arms and helped her to the kitchen table.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. It's been going on for a few days now." Sawyer started to protest but she held up a finger as if for him to wait and continued. "I'll get one or two pains and then they go away. Braxton Hick's I think the book calls them?"

"You sure?" She nodded with confidence. "Well, don't hesitate to tell him if they don't go away. I'd rather take a late night ride to the clinic and be sure than have to deliver the baby myself." The humor in his eyes masked the slowly ebbing dread he'd just felt.

"I will." A lie. She hadn't been in the clinic for two months; not since she'd seen the cops talking to Amy at the front desk. It was too risky. She still wasn't sure what she was going to do about the impending birth of her son but she was hoping that things would just work themselves out. Then again, had anything in her life ever "worked out"?

000

"Wake up!!!" Sawyer's eyes snapped open, Kate's voice reached his ears and he immediately assumed the worst.

"What? Is everything okay?" He threw his legs over the side of his bed and got up still in the fog of dreamland.

"Yes…everything's fine. Sit down you crazy man!" Kate let out and actual laugh at her friend's sleepy, yet over enthusiastic response to her wake up call.

Pushing his blonde hair out of his face, he ran a hand over his eyes and sat down like she'd asked. "You're not in labor?"

"No. It's Christmas and it's already noon." Her face was eager but controlled. She was either holding her excitement back or she was putting on a show.

"How come you let me sleep so late?" He flopped back on his bed and stretched.

"Because you needed it. I know how much you've been worrying about me and the baby plus work has you stressed, so consider it one of your Christmas presents."

"One of my presents." Guilt settled in. "How many did you get me?"

"Well, letting you sleep in and one other one." She pushed herself off the bed and stood up, her hands supporting her lower back. "Oh, and the breakfast that's sitting on the table." Sawyer smiled and jumped up to let Kate know he was ready to eat. "That's what I thought," she giggled.

They planned out their day over the meal, Vicky would come for dinner and they would exchange gifts after she left. So, as Kate cleared the table Sawyer sent Jack a text that read:

_We're exchanging gifts around eight. Please be here._

If he wasn't…Sawyer wasn't sure what he would do.

000

Kate said her goodbyes to Vicky at the door; it was to cold to walk her to the car. Sawyer stood at the window scanning the parking lot for Jack's familiar form. Nothing.

"I can't wait any longer. I'm too excited. Open it now." Kate handed him the box, wrapped beautifully in gold paper nearly as bright as the smile that graced her face. His stomach bottomed out when he lifted the lid.

Inside was a black picture frame that said 'Family' in white letters and underneath were places for three pictures. In the first slot was a picture of him and Vicky from when he was a teenager. His hair hung to his shoulders and his side burns were longer. Vicky looked so young, her now brown hair was once red and longer like his own. He felt that grip of emotion before the prick of tears.

He was too overcome with the only picture he had of his adopted mother that he almost didn't notice the picture of him and Kate that the second space was filled with. It was a picture she'd had one of the movers take. They were standing on the front step the door was open and you could see boxes behind them. She was smaller in girth back then but it would be a perfect reminder of the day and reason they moved.

"I left a spot for one more because I know someday you'll have a picture of a family – your family that'll fit in there nicely. But for now…Vicky and I are honored to be called your family." She sounded so proud. Like she'd been planning this gift for years. It was truly one of the nicest things anyone had ever given and even though he hoped with every fiber of his being that she would be in the next frame as well he knew that wouldn't happen.

Kate watched his gorge bob one or twice before he wiped at his face, set his gift on the kitchen table and wrapped her in the warmest hug she'd had in a long while. Reveling in the physical contact, she couldn't help but laugh when the baby between then kicked them apart.

"I'm so glad you like it. And I told you I didn't spend a lot." Her eyes lit up like the Christmas tree behind her.

"I didn't spend anything on your gift either…nothing but a lot of wasted time." He didn't take his eyes off of the thing Kate had given him. She'd worked so hard on it and he was defeated with the feeling of failure. He'd tried so hard to make her happy and he just couldn't do it…no matter how hard he tried he was a failure.

She shook her head with that slightly hopeful look still in her eyes. "I don't understand…"

"I tried to talk Jack into coming up here for Christmas and he was going to until recently. Something happened and…" his voice hitched in his throat. "I'm so sorry Katie. I tried."

They stood there a moment while he watched the tip of her nose and her eyes turn red with unshed tears. She struggled to keep a smile on her face but she eventually gave up. "I told you he wouldn't want to talk to me." An all too familiar feeling of desolation washed over her. The babe within her stopped moving, becoming at still as her heart felt.

"You can pick anything, I just feel terrible that you spent so much time on my present and I don't have anything for you." He reached over and picked up his gift. "I should have…"

"No. It's okay." Her voice was nothing but a whisper. "You spent a lot of time on mine too…it just…didn't work out." She bowed her head and let a single fat tear slip out. She heard her friend inhale loudly; a preparation for more words that were useless to her. "Merry Christmas Sawyer." Then she made her way upstairs. Her body had a mind of it's own as she twisted the handle to the nursery she'd been working on.

Pale blue walls with yellow and white accents didn't do anything to wash away her despair. She hadn't let herself think about what it would have been like to celebrate her favorite holiday with Jack but now that she knew it was so close, it hurt.

They could have cooked together and exchanged souvenirs, ones that meant nothing to anyone but them. He would have bought a piece of mistletoe just to have an excuse to kiss her; like he needed one. They would have had a Christmas cartoon marathon, snuggled into his couch like the lovebirds they were. Like the lovebirds they used to be.

Those dreams were pointless now. They were just disappointing lies now.

000

She awoke hours later, her eyes sore from crying, and she brushed the tangled brown curls out of her face before reading the clock. It was almost two in the morning. Then the faint and far away rapping noise came again. Was someone at the door? Her heart jumped but she settled herself, sure that it was just her imagination.

Her mouth was thick with saliva. She needed water.

Quietly as not to wake Sawyer she opened her door and walked all of three steps to the bathroom before she heard the noise again. This time is was louder…persistent. Swallowing hard, she ran to Sawyer's room and threw open the door.

He jerked out of his sleep and sat up without saying a word. Even in the dark he could tell that something was going on.

"Someone's at the door." Her voice was kept and strangled.

He just looked at her, trying desperately to read her face. "You better answer it then." She'd never know his heart was racing almost as fast as her hers. Her head bobbed in response before he heard her quiet footsteps gradually become farther away.

Kate held a hand to her chest to settle the frantic feeling that was aided by the rhythmic thud. She took a moment before she grabbed the doorknob and in the second before she turned it she had a rush of excitement…maybe things were changing for the better. Maybe she'd actually done something right in her life. Maybe he loved her enough to come after her.

The white door swung open gently revealing a cold rush of air and a man standing there in a dark coat and holding a pint of Haagen Dazs White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle ice cream with a pink bow on the lid.

He stood there taking her in as memories and feelings he'd repressed came flooding back almost chocking him with love for her.

In the door way of this random apartment was not Kate Austen vicious criminal but Kate Ryan girl of his dreams. Her curly hair was longer than he remembered and she wore pajamas: festive red and green flannel pants with a white t-shirt. His eyes lingered at the happy bulge of her middle, their child, before coming back to the face he'd missed for so long. She seemed so vulnerable, the exact opposite of what he expected. Her tears began to fall in two silver streams lit by only moon.

"You came." She sobbed quietly and he was overtaken with the urge to touch her. So he stepped forward, his fingers grazing her abdomen and let his lips crash down upon hers in a long awaited reunion of two soul mates.

They surfaced for only a moment while Jack whispered, "I still love you," and she pulled him back down, his hands caught in her tumbling brown locks while she reciprocated his feelings in a more physical way.

Upstairs, Sawyer leaned against the stairwell watching the whole thing. He thought he'd feel that pang of jealousy, of total defeat but instead he smirked at his good work and thought to himself, 'Merry Christmas Kate.'

**A/N: I am so proud of this chapter! They've reunited and everyone is happy. Even Sawyer in a twisted way. Next chapter is going to be lots of fluff because I've missed it and know you guys have too. Review and tell me what you think! I want to know if it's as good as I feel like it is. :) **


	31. An Attempt to Understand Love

"What does it say about us that the first thing we did after not seeing each other in over six months is have sex?" Kate asked seriously with a not so serious smile on her face.

She was currently nestled into Jack's side, head on his chest with her protruding stomach keeping them further apart that she'd like.

"It means we're very physically connected." Warm brown met fiery green and he couldn't help but welcome the happiness he hadn't felt in so long. "And to be honest, if sex wasn't the first thing we did I'd be worried."

She giggled and buried her face into his arm as he turned over to spoon her, his other arm draping over her middle and cupping it gently.

"I still can't believe you're here." Her voice was quiet, wistful.

"Me neither." He felt shame battling the warm feeling. What had he been so afraid of? Why was he convinced she'd be different?

"Yeah…Sawyer told me he talked to you. Said that you were coming but changed your mind. What happened?" She focused on the mid-morning light streaming in through her window.

She felt like she was in a movie with the sunlight drenching her room in a romantic tone that was only enhanced by the love of her life holding her close. Kate let her mind travel to when she last remembered staying in bed with a man like this and Matt was the only person who came to mind. Then she just sighed deeper into Jack's body and reveled in how wonderfully different he was.

"Let's talk about it later, okay? It's not really pillow talk." He grazed his lips over her bare shoulder to emphasize his point.

"Okay…we'll just lay here. I'm perfectly fine with that." After that there was no need for words. The quiet, contented sighs and strokes of Jack's hand down her abdomen were all that mattered.

It was so strange how much things changed in a moment. How yesterday she worried about Christmas dinner and giving Sawyer his gift, about how they would handle the birth of the baby without revisiting the clinic and now she couldn't think about it even if she tried.

That was what she loved most about Jack. He calmed her spirit in ways she, herself, could not. If someone were to look at the two of them they would have thought, 'What a crazy couple,' when in reality they were perfect for each other. He settled her down and she gave him some life. A true definition of 'opposites attract'.

It was so peaceful until the life inside of her made his presence known with a small ram to her left side. "Did you feel that?" she asked excited. It was something she hated, not being able to share the physical aspects of being pregnant with their child.

"No. What?" His voice was innocent.

"He kicked," she told him in basic.

"He?" She rolled over and saw his eyes light up. She just nodded with a congratulatory smile.

Suddenly, Jack felt a swell of manly pride. He had created a son. A son…what all men secretly hope for when they first find out they're going to be fathers. Girls were wonderful and he hoped for one in the future but nothing beat the father-son bond that was so infamous. The unparalleled friendship they would share when talking about girls, teaching him how to play baseball, not to mention instilling a love of the Red Sox, as well as perfecting steaks on the grill on summer afternoons.

He could see him, a whiz-bang at chemistry with an appreciation for poetry and good books. The boy would cook with Kate and ask for puppies for Christmas and Jack would personally make sure that he and his friends could have camp-outs in the back yard. He would do everything his own father didn't, teach him everything he had learned on his own. It would be the ideal life; the three of them plus a few more and he saw it in nothing but a flash.

Then he peeled back the sheet they were tangled in revealing her fruitful but naked form. She didn't object as he straddled her legs and covered her round bulge with his hands, his careful surgeon hands.

They sat there a moment, his attention solely on feeling the pushes of his unborn son and her just watching him with love filled eyes before there came another ripple from within her. He smiled, she laughed, embarrassed, and the baby kicked again sending both of them into fit of giggles. Jack kept his smile all the way down to her belly as he whispered something in audible to Kate and laid a soft kiss right where the nudges were coming from.

She blinked lazily and told him, "I always knew you'd be good at this." In response he slithered down the length of her body, careful of her bump, and planted another kiss, a harder, more passion filled kiss, on her lips. "My God, I've missed this," she murmured against him, she felt him smile at that.

"You're telling me," he laughed taking his place at her side once more. "You're all I thought about you know?" She rolled over so they were face to face. "I wasn't with anyone else, in case you were wondering."

"Not even Marc!" She asked in a jokingly surprised manner.

He laughed at her. "Nope…he slept over a couple times but nothing happened…I think." She let out a whisper of a chuckle and propped her head up on her elbow so they were eye to eye. "He helped me a little with the nursery I'm working on."

"Really? You're making a nursery?"

He bowed his head in a nod. "Well, he didn't help so much as he sat in the rocking chair and complained about how I was wasting my time."

"Why? I mean how it was a waste of time?" Her brow furrowed at the thought of Marc poo-pooing such a decent cause.

"He was convinced you weren't coming back." Jack heard Kate's quick intake of breath but kept going. "Would you have come back eventually?"

Kate lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling trying to find the words. "I thought about it everyday…"

"But that doesn't answer the question." When she remained silent he gave up and added, "I still don't understand why you left."

It was an open end. He wanted an answer but phrased it so that she wouldn't have to say anything if she didn't want to. But she found herself talking anyway.

"I'm not sure but I remember being really afraid of you." He started something but she laid a finger to his lips and kept going. "I've had lots of bad things happen to me…known lots of bad men…and all of the sudden here you are, and you're everything I could have dreamed about and more." She returned to her side yet again. "It's scary going from guys that are nothing, that make you feeling like nothing to someone like you who is…everything.

You are everything Jack, but I still felt like a no one and I was convinced that's not the kind of girl you needed…the kind of girl you wanted. And I'm still not sure but all I know is that you don't feel like another attempt." She could feel the tears coming.

"And attempt?" He repeated confused.

"Yeah…every person you've ever been with that hasn't amounted to anything was an attempt to understand love; that real, deep down, makes you want to cry kind of love. The love we see in movies. I was really afraid that you were the real thing…that you weren't another attempt…and I was just another test run for you." Her eyes were blurry with tears and she was overcome with frustration. "God…all I do is cry these days."

Jack snorted a laugh blaming her overactive hormones and personally wiped the wetness from her cheek, then cradling her face in his hands he told her, "You are not an attempt."

Kate was taken aback for a just a heartbeat. "Are you sure?" It was only reassurance because she could see the truth in his coffee colored eyes.

He nodded absolutely and bent down to give her another kiss but this time instead of passion he poured his heart into it leaving her breathless and at ease.

"Katie, I've never felt this way about anyone…and I've felt this way since about a month after we first met." Cocking her head to one side, she looked surprised. "Yeah. I've known that long."

"No…I remember. You told me all of this once. I think you thought I was sleeping." She admitted impishly.

"You heard all that?" He laughed, it seemed so long ago. A smile spread across her face with a look in her eyes he couldn't quite place. "Well, what did you think? How come you never said anything?"

"What was I going to say? I couldn't very well roll over and pour my heart out to you. I was half afraid you'd take all back."

"Why?" His fingers found their way to her face and pushed a rouge curl behind her ear.

"I don't know…I think a part of me thought it was a dream until just now."

"I'm very real, and so is the part of me that said all of that. I meant every word. I also mean this: I love you." He smiled.

"I love you too." And while it was a total dream come true, with the confessions and the scenery, there was something she couldn't help but wonder about. "What about Sarah?" He could here the tension in her voice. Jack knew how threatened Kate felt by his ex-wife and immediately took the chance to put her fears to rest.

"It's true…I did love Sarah." And intense look pierced right through Kate. "_Did_. But I never felt the way about her that I feel for you and I married her." Silently he prayed she understood where he was going with this.

"Wow. You always imagine what it would be like to be loved like this…but I couldn't have even imagined in my wildest dreams that it would feel this good." Kate's eyes went misty all over again while Jack reached for something in pants pocket on the floor.

"I have one other Christmas present for you…"

Kate swallowed hard as her heart started to race like it usually did around this man. "You didn't need too."

"Oh, but I did." Then he rolled over and revealed a black velvet box. Kate's hands instantly flew to her face and her body shook with a sob that meant so many things. Jack involuntarily smiled and was once again flooded with that overwhelming feeling of total happiness. It felt so good to be able to see her again, to touch her and see the looks on her beautiful face. "Katharine Austen, I love all of you and I want you to be my wife."

The brunette was shocked out of her state of delirious delight and gasped as her hands slowly moved away from her face, tears still present. It happened in less than a second; he body tensed, absolute dread cut through her all too frail flesh, and her bright eyes dimmed in a protective, inquisitive manner. "How do you know my real name?"

**A/N: I think the ending speaks for itself. REVIEW!!!**


	32. Nothing To Fear

_The brunette was shocked out of her state of delirious delight and gasped as her hands slowly moved away from her face, tears still present. It happened in less than a second; he body tensed, absolute dread cut through her all too frail flesh, and her bright eyes dimmed in a protective, inquisitive manner. "How do you know my real name?"_

Jack took a deep breath and set the ring box, still open, on the bedside table, a big part of him knowing she'd never take it now.

He'd struggled between telling her and not telling her, wondering what would be the consequences of each. If he didn't tell her he knew, it would it come up eventually. The question was 'how'? How would he maintain his composure every time she introduced herself as Kate Ryan? How would she tell him everything when the cops came around again?...and he knew they would.

But then if he did tell her, she'd run. She would take her things and run away just like she did to that doctor in the hospital. Just like she did to him already once before.

Jack's chest ached with the regret of a mistake either way. He'd just come out and said it…he didn't even think about it. Now looking into her once loving eyes he was positive this conversation wasn't going to go well.

"Jack…tell me." He voice was rigid with an emotion he couldn't place.

After propping himself up on the headboard, Jack sighed heavily and let the truth roll from his tongue. "About a month ago I was visited by two officers asking me if I'd seen a woman – Kate Austen." Her face twisted; she looked like she was going to be sick and he didn't blame her. "Imagine my surprise when they hand me your mug shot." He added with a small laugh.

Kate stayed quiet a moment longer. "Is that it?"

"Well…I also met the Marshall," he confessed.

In no more than an instant her disposition went from cold as stone to wild, almost feral, as she ripped the sheet from the bed, wrapping it around her pregnant body while she began to pace and mutter around the room.

"Oh my God…oh my God," she breathed heavy, frantic breaths in between each outburst of disbelief. Clinging to her sheet, Kate ran a hand through her tangles mass of brown curls, trying in vain to smooth them back away from her face.

'It's over,' she thought. 'He knows everything and it's over…he came here to end it…to rub it in my face that he was going to propose to me before all of this…before my life was a lie…'

Jack watched as her breathing became more and more shallow, waiting for her to cry or scream or something but she just stood there hyperventilating.

"Kate, you need to calm down." He offered gently. But she was paralyzed. "Kate…Kate…Kate." He got out of bed and wrapped his arms around her shaking form. "It's okay. I know about the police and I still came. I still want to see your face everyday. I still want to marry you."

Her head shook against his shoulder. "How?" She squeaked.

"How what?" He asked back muffled by her hair.

"How can you still want to marry me?" Pulling away from him, she rested on the dresser behind her, the sheet still folded around her while he wore nothing. It made her feel insecure to be hiding her body from him but not quite as much as him knowing about everything. How could he possibly understand?

"Because I don't care Kate! I don't care that you're a criminal! I don't care what you did, I just want you in my life!" He placed his hands on his hips and looked her square in the eye.

"You don't know what I did?"

"No."

She looked up him, this angel that was in front of her. "I don't deserve someone like you." Her voice was no more than a whisper, like she was telling him a secret.

Holding out his hand, his head dropped and shook ever so slightly. She took the physical offer and sat down on the bed again. She swallowed hard and avoided the eyes that were transfixed on her face. "Do you want to know?"

Jack thought for a second. "No. Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't change who you are and who you are at this very minute is who I'm in love with."

Something caught within her. He didn't want to know what she'd done. He had no idea if she'd robbed a convenience store, or was in possession of drugs. So, as long as he trusted her he didn't need to know…

She watched him pick up the ring box again. "Would you mind if we tried this again?" A single nod was the response. "Then, Kate Austen…Kate Ryan…I don't care who you are as long as you're with me. Be with me always?"

"Yes. Always." He leaned forward to kiss her. A simple lip to lip that said nothing but 'thank you'. "You know this is all kind of scary."

"You will have no idea how scared I was to do this…so yeah…it's scary but it's a good scared. An excited scared, if you will." He pushed the curls she had tried to smooth back out of her face again and gently ran his thumb across her cheek bone. "There's nothing to fear here."

Kate giggled. It was strange how easy it was to go from absolutely terrified to laughing in the same minute with him. It was so easy to be happy with him and deep down that scared her more than anything.

But watching him take the ring out of the box and slip it on her finger, she realized she really had nothing to be afraid of. Her future was in the hands of Jack Shepard. He was right. There was nothing to fear.

000

Sawyer sighed and leaned forward on the counter. He was currently running the cash register at In Full Bloom so that Kate could have the day off with Jack.

He wasn't sure about how he felt now that the doctor was there…in his and Kate's apartment…sleeping in her room and eating out of their fridge.

No…he was happy. He was. He was happy for Kate and that was enough. But there was that sliver of him that was so afraid she was going to leave. In fact he knew she was going back to LA with him.

It would be so bizarre without Kate around. It would be strange not to worry about her being home alone, to not discuss what to do for dinner, to not take turns putting the baby to bed like he thought they'd do. It was like his life was leaving. They might as well have been together because it felt like they were breaking up.

And he knew she'd never call, or visit. There was no reason for it. He had absolutely no ties to her what-so-ever other than sharing a home for half a year…and they indeed shared a _home_.

"Hello?" Sawyer snapped back to reality by a hand waving in front of his face and a strange voice greeting him.

"I'm so sorry…How can I help you?" He stood up straight and pulled out a pad of paper to take the order before he noticed the customer he was helping.

"You okay?" She asked politely concerned. She was short, just north of five feet he'd guess, but extremely petite. Her honey colored hair hung right above her shoulders and her grey eyes were still questioning as he took in her good looks.

"Yeah…just been a little slow today." He told her with a dimpled smile.

"I totally understand." She smiled back revealing a single dimple of her own that cut deep into her left cheek. "It's been slow for me too. I think it's a 'day after Christmas thing'." He nodded in agreement.

"I don't even know why we're open today. I think you're the first customer we've had and it's almost lunch."

"Well, I'm glad I came to save the day!" She laughed in good humor.

"You certainly did." Sawyer leaned in further, pen ready. "What's you're name Dumplin'?"

"It's Lizi, but Dumplin' works too." He couldn't help but grin at her use of southern twang when she repeated Dumplin'.

"Well, alright…Dumplin'…why don't you give me you're order."

She looked at him with sly eyes. "Why don't I give you my number instead?"

Taken aback by her forward attitude, he let her write down her phone number. Immediately after, they talked about her arrangement she was ordering for a New Years party which he was quickly invited to.

"Lizi…It was a pleasure meeting you. And you can expect me at that party of yours." It was perfect. He had a date and could leave Jack and Kate alone for another night.

"It was really nice meeting you too Sawyer. I'll see you again on Thursday." With nothing more than a hair flip and a simple wave she was gone, but she left Sawyer with a renewed sense of wellness. She was cute, happy, and new. She might just be what Sawyer needed. A nice dose of fun and a different reality than the soap opera he'd been living in the last few months.

If Lizi was going to be around for a while, loosing Kate wouldn't be nearly as hard, sure he'd miss her but having something to move on to like she did would make everything so much easier. Suddenly, he felt like he had nothing to fear.


	33. The Storm Part 1

Kate turned in her kitchen chair as best she could, the afternoon of January second, to see Sawyer slip through the door.

"Well, hello stranger," she said with a little more sarcasm than she had intended.

"Shut up, Freckles…" he pushed off his coat and shoes but couldn't help but smile at the memory of the last few days.

He had left the night of New Year's Eve, drank to much, crashed on Lizi's couch with four other people, but stayed the whole next day and played board games, cooked with her and what not. They played 20 questions, watched movies, and discussed books and music.

Lizi was the kind of person that danced to whatever song was playing on the stereo. She was a little bit anal when it came to organization. And she came up with philosophical question out of no where that started some of the most stimulating conversation he'd had in years. It was a glimpse into what it would be like if they lived together. And after spending two whole days with her, 48 hours straight, he wasn't sick of her.

It is was sad but relieving at the same time to know that he would survive without Kate as a housemate.

"So, are you going to tell me all about it or am I going to have to ask a hundred questions without a guarantee of answers?" She made a soft grunt as she pushed herself off of her seat. Her belly hung much lower than he remembered two days ago, the bulge now around her hips rather than the small of her waist. I sure sign that the baby would come soon…

He felt a small stir of excitement but suppressed it as he gave her a knowing grin. "Ask away."

Kate's eyes widened and smile spread across her face. "Did you guys sleep together?"

"No…well, we 'slept' together, on her couch, but we didn't have sex if that's what you're implying." He nonchalantly retrieved a water bottle out of the fridge.

Frankly, Sawyer was surprised they hadn't slept together but that was what had been so amazing. They didn't need to. This kisses, side long glances, and shameless flirting were satisfaction enough.

Jack who had been upstairs for the southern man's homecoming found the two in the kitchen, Kate asking nosy questions, which was slightly out of character for her, and Sawyer humoring her with vague answers.

"Looks like we've got some bad weather coming." He announced. With out explanation he picked up the remote to the TV and flipped it to the weather channel.

Sawyer moved to see the screen but Kate stayed where she was, able to hear every word the meteorologist had to say.

"We're going to see lots of precipitation that will quickly turn into freezing rain and maybe even some snow flurries…We're going to see a good several hours of consistent ice…" Jack turned it off.

"Looks like we need to stock up," was all Sawyer said.

000

Jack noticed out of the corner of his eye that Kate was rubbing her head again. She had another headache. Third one this week.

"You okay?" He asked quietly. The doctor in him was worried because even though lots of pregnant women experience headaches, due to hormones and what not, it could have been a sign of high blood pressure.

"No, I'm fine. Just…my head hurts." She smiled as best she could. Her eyes didn't squint or anything so he assumed it wasn't as bad as it could have been. "And my back is killing me. Probably for walking around for ,like, an hour." She nodded to Sawyer with a full cart of food they wouldn't eat in three months.

"Okay. I'll see if I can't speed him along." He gave her a warm smile and a quick kiss on the forehead.

Kate watched her fiancée walk away just in time for her back to pull again. A pinching pain she'd been feeling since early that morning was now worse than ever.

It was her least favorite part of pregnancy: the back pain. She could deal with the overwhelming emotions, the bladder control issues, and the weird food cravings but the back pain consumed her. It almost made the whole thing not worth it. Almost…

000

Jack and Sawyer carried in four grocery bags on each hand while the small brunette carried one bag in each, mostly containing bread and other weightless items.

She set them on the counter and stood still for a moment waiting for the pinching in her back to ease. Her face must have given it away because both men looked at her with concern before Sawyer proceeded to ask, "Freckles, you need to lie down or something?" He set down the bags on the counter next to hers and laid a hand on her back for support. "You don't look so hot."

"I just don't feel well. My head hurts, my back hurts, my feet hurt…"

"Go…" he said cutting her off. "We'll put this stuff away. You need to get some rest."

She just nodded pathetically with a sigh and began the trek upstairs to her room.

Once she was out of earshot they turned to each other, both thinking the same thing. "She gonna be alright?"

Jack looked towards the stairs, wondering if he should go up after her. "I don't know." He swallowed hard and returned to the bags of food. "I'll help you with this first and then go check on her."

Sawyer accepted the offer by handing him a whole sack of things that needed to be refrigerated.

Outside the kitchen window it was blacker than the ace of spades and not because night was falling like one might think. The clouds, dark and think, were beginning to roll in, blanketing everything in an ominous shadow.

"You know she wouldn't talk about names with me?" Sawyer started conversation to forget about the weather.

"No. How come?" Jack shoved a carton of milk next to an already open version.

"She said she didn't feel right without you." He paused and thought a moment. "A lot of things didn't feel right without you."

Jack was quiet. He was slightly surprised at her loyalty but it was good to know that nothing had changed; that they had each other's trust and all that.

"I can't say that I didn't think of a few without her." He confessed.

"Really?" Sawyer chuckled.

"Well, now that I know it's a boy my girl names are out." He couldn't help but smile while saying it.

"Yeah…I guess so. Although I'm hoping to have a daughter of my own someday I can't imagine how awesome it would be to have my first be a boy." Sawyer seemed far away. "I wish you would have been here to see how excited she was Doc. It was really something."

Jack was suddenly flooded with images of and excited Kate and how she would have been had he been there. He could see them holding hands on the car ride home discussing names and nursery ideas, stealing side long glances and sunny smiles from one another.

"I wish I would have been here too. But I've been meaning to thank you for taking such good care of her. It's nice to know that she had someone to look after her during all of this." Jack was just staring into the fridge now, not even putting groceries away.

Sawyer was contemplative for just a second before he replied, "No problem. It wasn't like it was hard. In fact…it was really fun." Then he swallowed hard and added, "You know I love her?"

"Yeah. I kind of noticed that. But she makes it hard not too." That's when they both noticed the click of ice on the window.

000

Both men sat at the table, Jack with a shot of Jack Daniels and Sawyer with a shot of Southern Comfort. The dark headed man had taken the silence from upstairs as Kate was asleep and not wanting to wake her he took Sawyer up on the offer of a drink.

For almost and hour they checked the weather channel in between bouts of conversation but they were in the middle of a lull when they heard a thud from upstairs.

Jack's brown eyes met Sawyer's hazel one's before he shot up from his chair and ran upstairs to find Kate's bed empty.

"Kate?" He called. The bathroom light was on down the hall. It only took him two steps to get there.

"Jack," she chocked out from the floor. She was leaned up against the door, her knees up against her belly and her eyes squeezed shut.

And just like her hands were gripping at the hem of her t-shirt, panic gripped at his chest so hard that he felt pain in his arms.

"Are you having a contraction?" He asked as he lowered himself to the floor to be on the same level as her.

She nodded and let out a breath she'd been holding.

It was so different to be on the other end of things. He'd seen overly anxious father's-to-be at the hospital and always thought they were foolish for being so nervous. But now here he was in their position and it was ten times scarier than he thought it would be.

It was only a moment before her breathing became a little more regular and he went into doctor mode scanning for any signs of bleeding or anything else out of the ordinary. He gave a sigh of relief when everything checked out and her eyes opened, glossy with pain.

"You okay?" He asked stupidly…

"Yeah." She nodded.

"How long have they been going on?"

"I don't know. My back has been hurting all day and then I woke up about fifteen minutes ago because it was so bad I couldn't breath. Then I got up and came in here and it happened again." She exhaled heavily. "Jack I couldn't even stand up." She looked scared and somewhat ashamed.

"That's okay. Do you know how far apart they are?" She shook her head. "It's fine. We'll just sit here until the next one comes and I'll time it." He glanced at his watch: 5:24. It seemed like it was almost midnight.

He settled into a sitting position with his back against the door frame and watched her stare at the cabinets under the sink before asking, "Has your water broken yet?"

She thought a moment before shaking her head. He just nodded and let his head fall back against white edging of the bathroom entrance.

Normally Kate wouldn't have stood the silence but she was too scared to talk. She knew another one was coming and Jack made it easy not to say anything. She thought it would be awkward with him being a doctor, thought he'd want to take over instead of being the father of her child. Then again, it was still early; there was plenty of time for him to be a doctor…which she would need him to be eventually.

He exhaled loudly, more as an act of boredom. She followed suit with a smile on her face as her eyes drifted over the crest of her abdomen and onto the diamond ring on her left hand. And just as they felt like they'd been sitting there for forever the feeling of being lucky to have Jack was replaced by the hot taste of nausea in the back of her mouth. She took a deep breath to prepare herself for the wave of pain and Jack sat up and took her hand.

She pressed her back into the door, dug her toes into the shag rug she was sitting on and constricted Jack's hand with her own in and attempt to distract herself from the pulling in her back and lower stomach.

"Breathe…" Jack reminded her but instead of air, a whimper escaped her lips. Then the breathing came in short, shallow huffs but it was breathing none the less.

When her hand eased its grip on his he glanced at his watch again, it had been nine minutes since the last one and lasted all of twenty-seven seconds.

He waited for her to catch her breath before he helped her up and down the stairs. "Sawyer…" he called when they reached the bottom step.

The southerner met them half way and looked at them with a nonchalant face. "Don't tell me…"

Kate just let out another long exhale and nodded. Jack got her to the counter so she could at least hold herself up while he went to dig his cell phone out of his coat pocket.

"There's like three inches of ice outside, you know that?" Sawyer asked Kate smartly.

She just rolled her eyes and scoffed at him.

"Kate what's the number to the clinic you've been going to? I'm going to call and tell them we're coming." Jack asked, suddenly appearing from the living room.

Out of nowhere, Kate thought she was going to throw up and she didn't know what to say.

"Kate?" Sawyer asked.

"But there's inches of ice on the road. How would we get there?" She was hoping to use it as an out.

"My SUV has four-wheel drive and if we go slowly we should be okay. Now what's the number?" He was ready to dial, cell in hand.

"I don't remember."

"Doc, blue post-it on the fridge." Sawyer offered.

Jack crossed the room and started to dial before Kate turned around and yelled, "Stop!" His head whipped around to see her pallid face. "You can't call there. We can't go there. Besides I haven't been in over two months."

"What are you talkin' 'bout? I've been dropping you off there ever week for the last month?" Sawyer spoke sternly with his hands on his hips.

"I-I haven't gone in…"

"Wait…so you haven't seen a doctor in two months?" She opened her mouth like she was going to try to defend herself but she just shook her head, avoiding eye contact with either one of them. "Why?" Jack voice was just as harsh as Sawyer's.

"I couldn't. There were cops in there one day and someone said something about a convict and I knew he was talking about me, Jack! I can't go back there…I can't," she sobbed.

Then two things happened in perfect sequence. Kate crumpled under the weight of another contraction, Sawyer catching her before she hit the floor, her water breaking with splash and the kitchen became dark as the lights went out.


	34. The Storm Part 2

After Kate changed her clothes and the boys had lit some candles they sat down at the kitchen table to discuss the circumstances they were now faced with.

"I can do this here…" Kate told them with conviction. "Can you?" Her green eyes held that fire that Jack remembered so well but it wasn't enough to keep him from shaking his head.

"Kate, you haven't had medical attention in two months…so much could have changed since then. You're blood pressure could be up, the baby could be breach, and there's always a chance that something could go wrong during delivery." The woman noticed Sawyer's slight cringe.

He was trying to be adult about the whole thing but she could tell that he was uncomfortable. Guilt settled into her chest but she couldn't take the chance of getting caught by the law.

"Women give birth at home all the time. Besides…can't you check my blood pressure and all that?" She was starting to feel the twinges of another contraction.

Letting out a sigh the doctor struggled to keep up his resistance. "Yes I could but I don't want to. I would rather brave the weather and go to the hospital…"

"Jack I can't!" Kate warned as she clung to the edge of the table with one hand and dug her fingers into her back with the other. Her eyes shut against the searing pain for no more than a second before she willed them open again. She couldn't think about much besides the never ending tightening in her lower abdomen but she pulled out her last argument. "If you love me, you will let me do this here…because if we go somewhere you will never see me again."

And as the pain ebbed back into its state of nausea and ache she watched his tired eyes scan over the layout of the kitchen and then back to her face. The candles on the table flickered with another one of Sawyer's sighs adding even more depth to his troubled face.

"I'm here if you need me Doc. I don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to all this baby stuff, but if you tell me to do something I'm sure as hell gonna do it." He crossed his arms and settled back into his chair, his position on the matter now known.

"Please, Jack…I can do it." She repeated. Somewhere inside of her, she knew that if she reassured him that she was a strong bodied and even stronger minded woman he would trust her judgment.

Against his better judgement, Jack gave in. "Fine." He whispered. "But if I check you out and everything's not text book, we're leaving."

"Okay, that's fine," she gave him a half smile and sighed in relief. "Thank you."

Then he stood up and took a candle with him as he ordered her to the living room.

She took a place on the couch as he pulled up her light purple t-shirt and exposed her middle to the cold. A shiver went done her back and she couldn't suppress the typical jerk that came along with it.

"You okay?" He asked in a rough voice. He really wasn't happy about any of this.

"Yeah. Just cold." All work and no play, he pressed four fingers into each side of her belly. When the baby jolted inside of her she let out a sudden, "Oh," which got a look of concern from him. "You felt that too?"

A single nod before he was back to concentrating was what she received.

All the while, Sawyer stood in the door way between the living room and kitchen with a grimace on his already moody visage. It was going to be a long night.

000

Around eleven Kate was deep within the throws of her labor. She tried to make lazy circles around the kitchen, to speed things along, with Jack's help but she had to stop every six minutes when Sawyer thought she was going to fall to the ground again. But somehow she was learning to adapt to the shocks of pain that rocketed through her body.

Flipping the brown curls from her face, she locked her knees and steadied herself on whatever she could hold onto whether that be Jack, the counter, or the refrigerator. He was surprised at how little noise she made; typically the movies and TV shows depicted this as a dramatic and fast event where the women were screaming in agony and they were usually crushing someone's body parts. This was just boring and worrisome.

But he couldn't say he didn't wish he was in Jack's position. He rubbed her back and whispered words of encouragement to her. He was her support physically, mentally and emotionally. She needed him and as mad as he was by being out numbered, you'd never know it now.

So Sawyer traveled to the couch and flopped down, covering his eyes from the candle light with the crook of his arm and tried to get some sleep while Kate let out a soft groan as she struggled to stand upright again.

Jack took her hand and circled his arm around her back so that she had something to lean back on.

They didn't say much. Jack gave her small bits of encouragement like "Breathe Katie" when she had to voluntarily force her lungs to suck in the cold air of their apartment, his cologne giving it the scent of home.

Kate kept herself under control when all she wanted to do was cry. Not only was the pain becoming unbearable and she was terrified but she could let him know that, which made her only want to cry more. She had to be strong, to make sure that he understood that she could handle this. But her resolution was crumbling and quickly.

Her companion took the liberty of pushing her hair out of her face again. It would be going back in a pony-tail soon because it was beginning to hinder more than help her. At first it was nice to have it down because she could hide behind it but now…now it was just giving Jack an excuse to touch her.

"You know you're doing pretty well." It was the closest thing she was getting to a compliment.

"Pretty well?" She huffed as she braced herself against the sink, feeling like she was going to be sick.

"Yeah. I kind of didn't believe you when you said you could do this here." He gave her a smile somewhere between 'I'm proud of you' and 'Please don't say I told you so'.

"Well…I am," her tone was slightly sarcastic.

He smiled at her for real, teeth and all, before saying, "I read a book about helping someone through labor." His fiancée suppressed a laugh and shook her head. "Yeah…it said that giving birth is a sexual experience."

"No…it's not." He took in the look of aggravation on her face. "It hurts."

"I thought it was stupid too. Besides, being a doctor is helping more than a hundred and fifty something pages of crap."

"It's helping me too…" she brought a hand up to rub the throbbing in her head. She needed to stop grinding her teeth. Then with a big sigh she looked up at Jack with a watery grin and admitted, "I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad too and I love you." He took a moment to kiss her before he felt her hand tighten around his own and he knew the tenderness was over.

000

Quarter after midnight Sawyer was kicked off the couch by a pitiful, "I can't stand anymore." He graciously let her have the piece of furniture before walking into the kitchen and finding Jack slumped over the counter half asleep.

"Doc you need some sleep. What time did you get up this morning?" He asked quietly enough that Kate couldn't hear him.

Jack thought a moment and then glanced at the clock before admitting he been awake since four.

"Why don't you go upstairs a take a quick cat nap?" Jack gave an apprehensive look to the woman writhing on the couch. She needed him. He couldn't sleep when she needed him. Seeing the look in his eye and putting a hand on his shoulder to reassure him, Sawyer said, "You need to get some sleep and I just got up." Jack still didn't look convinced. "She's going to need you at your best pretty soon here. I'll stay with her and I'll get you if we need you. I swear…it'll be okay."

Jack sighed, not quite relieved, and thanked his friend. Then as he went up the stairs to Kate's room, Sawyer took a seat at the table, chair faced towards the living room so he could see Kate. He didn't want to interrupt her in anyway. She fought her way through each labor pain with gritted teeth and handfuls of her t-shirt and then would rub the sides of her belly while whispering to herself "Come on baby…come on baby". He could only imagine how much she wanted it to be over.

Guilt got the best of him when she let out a sob and he could see in the slight candle light that she was wiping at her face, so he approached her carefully. "Freckles…Do you need me?"

"Wears Jack?" She asked a little too quickly.

"Upstairs. I told him to get some sleep." Moving some magazines and an old coffee cup out of the way, he sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Okay." She nodded before the flood gates opened. Taking deep breaths they came out in little whimpers while the tears rolled down her cheeks.

Taken by surprise, he moved immediately to the couch and helped her sit up so he could hold her while she cried. "Shhh…Kate its okay. This is exciting…You're gonna be a momma before tomorrow morning."

"Th-that's what's so sca-scary." She blubbered.

"Well it shouldn't be. This is gonna be so much fun. Remember all those things you were planning to do for Christmas and summer vacations and all that? What happened to that Kate?"

"I don't know. I just…Everything is going to change." Her sobs started to subside and she was now looking at the front door with a far off look in her eyes.

"I'm not gonna sit here and tell you it ain't gonna change but at least it's a change for the better and frankly this whole experience has made me excited to be a dad someday." He rubbed her back as he held her close, a calm, friendly closeness that Kate found more comforting than anything.

Sawyer, only a few moments later, felt the bulge of Kate's belly tighten against his side in another contraction and even though he was taken aback by the phenomenon, he still found her hand and gripped it as if to say that he was here to help in any way possible.

But he didn't realize her contractions would come in such close succession for the next hour and then begin to taper off, only to come back with a more than erratic pattern.

000

"Jack!" His eyes shot open, the clock read quarter after three, and he was on his feet quicker than he could process the movement. "Jack!" Sawyer's voice echoed up the stairs. The doctor took the steps tow at a time, skipping the last three all together.

"How we doing?" Jack asked fighting the heavy feeling in his eye-lids. He'd had a little more than two hours of sleep which was plenty but his body was telling him otherwise…but once he saw Kate curled up on the couch, knees tucked up underneath her, one hand kneading at the base of her torso, the other hand clutching Sawyer's purple fingers, eyes shut tight…the adrenaline hit him.

"I don't know…It's been pretty weird for the last hour and a half." Jack took note that when Sawyer was nervous he talked faster than normal and his accent was somehow thicker.

"What do you mean? How far apart are her contractions?" He asked when he noticed she wasn't relaxing like she should have been in between pains.

"That's just it…she's been squeezing my hand for the last four minutes straight. Now, like I said…I don't know how all of this works but I know that ain't right."

"No…it's not." He took a place on the floor next to Kate's head and wiped at her wet hair. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of her face. "Kate can you tell me what you're feeling?"

She opened her mouth a few times trying to get the words out but they were morphed into mewls of discomfort until she breathed through a clenched jaw, "It hurts."

"I know…I know it hurts but how long is hurting?" He tried, his voice quiet against the rising panic he felt building in his chest.

"I don't know…but I can't breathe."

Jack was silent for a minute, trying to evaluate the situation. It was frightening to watch her like this; to see her twist around herself in an attempt to relieve the pain she felt. It was almost impossible to hear her cry. If he was scared he could only imagine how she was feeling.

He knew they had to go to the nearest hospital. The baby was in distress if the contractions were lasting longer than a minute or so.

"Kate…do you feel like you need to push?" He held his breath. If she said yes…this would all be over in a few minutes, he would be a father, she would be a mother, they would be a family with nothing to worry about. If she said no, they would be on the way to the hospital in seconds, because there was nothing he could do at this point in an apartment with no power.

He waited for what seemed like a lifetime before she shook her head against the couch.

"Sawyer, get my car started. Turn on the heat full blast." He dug the keys out of his pocket. "It has four-wheel drive so we should be okay if we're careful." He added remembering the ice.

"What!? No! Jack it's going away now…" Kate sat up with a wince, still cradling herself with one arm, but able to speak through tiny gasps that she couldn't take a few moments ago. "I can't go to a hospital." Her face warped into a look of anguished betrayal.

"Kate…I" Jack tried to explain.

"I told you what would happen."

"If you would…"

"I told you I could do this."

"I know."

"I CAN do this Jack!"

"BUT I CAN'T KATE!" Jack exploded. Kate just looked at him with pleading eyes, she didn't talk. "Something is wrong and I can't fix it. I can't loose you like this…I would rather take you to the hospital and know that you're alive."

She just looked down and swallowed hard. Sawyer, who was just standing there for the entire scene, now took off to the car leaving the couple alone together.

"I don't want to scare you but you need to know how serious this is. And I love you too much to let something happen to you or our baby." He knelt down to her level and took her hands. "Do you understand?"

She avoided his eye contact, her own eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry," was all she said. Jack then grabbed her coat from the door and helped her put on some shoes. She was still fairly weak, so he supported her while she walked to the door to watch for Sawyer's sign that the car was all warmed up.

"I really am sorry Jack. I just wanted the chance to raise our family together." He looked at her with sad, longing eyes and wiped a tear away from her cheek. It left a silver smudge in the moonlight and even though she'd been in pain for the last ten hours, her hair was slicked back with sweat and she was crying, she'd never looked more beautiful before.

"C'mon guys!" Sawyer's voice reached them from parking lot.

"Okay…careful, its slick." Holding out a sturdy arm for her to hold onto, Sawyer met them half way and the two helped her into the back seat with Jack while the southerner offered to drive.

Three minutes into the drive Kate sized in pain but it only lasted two minutes. Sawyer turned the radio on to ease the tension that silence seemed to hold. It immediately started playing a Dixie Chicks cd and Sawyer couldn't help but glance back at the doctor who had driven the vehicle last.

"You listen to the Dixie Chicks?" There was more of an interested, mocking tone to Sawyers voice rather than disgust like Jack had expected.

"He has all of their albums." Kate added, before she let out a groan against another pain less than a minute after the last one.

Jack was redirected to his fiancée rather than Sawyer's incredulous comments about his musical taste.

Sawyer was able to go about thirty-five without fishtailing. Lucky for them there was no one else on the road. He glanced back once in a while to see how Kate was doing, praying wordlessly to himself that they would make it to the hospital in time.

The prayers did nothing because not long after her third contraction since they'd been in the car did she start to feel anxious.

"Jack…I need to push." Her voice was quiet, almost panicky. Her breathing was audible.

"What? We've got less then ten miles 'til we get to St. Mary's."

She replied with a breathy, "Jack I really need to push."

"Sawyer pull over." Jack ordered.

"But Doc…we're almost there." He argued hoping that if they knew how close they were she could hold on.

"No Sawyer…pull over." He demanded with more force. The blonde man did as quickly as possible. "Leave the car running."

Jack jumped out and opened the trunk of the car. Sawyer followed him, only to have three shirts on hangers thrown at him. "Put these in the front seat and bring Kate back here." Then he started expertly swiveling the back seats of the SUV down into the floor compartments. Sawyer rounded the side of the car, Kate in his arms bridal style, just in time for Jack to latch the last one down.

Together they got her situated over a piece of thin plastic that had come off of the dry-cleaning now sitting crumpled in the drivers seat, then Jack draped his coat over her lap to give her a bit of privacy and gently removed her pajama bottoms.

Sawyer situated himself behind Kate as Jack took a place at the opposite end. They made eye contact, Sawyer's face brooding and worried, Jack's determined and professional.

"Okay…Kate. Whenever you're ready." She didn't wait before pressing into Sawyer's chest knocking the wind out of him and letting out a sound that was similar to the ones of women he'd seen on TV. Jack didn't say anything but his mouth moved in a sequence that looked like he was counting…Sawyer felt like he was going out of his mind.

This was very much what he had expected; maybe a little crazier if that was possible. He felt like everything was moving at the speed of light and Kate was crushing his hands, both of them now.

Kate pushed again, curling away from his body and toward Jack. She let out what could only be described as a scream before taking in short shallow breaths with whimpers in between.

"That was a really good one Kate," there was a smile on Jack's face now. His heart beat so hard in his chest he thought it would explode as the thrill of delivering his own child ran through him. He looked up at his soon to be wife, her eyes glossy and distant; all she could see what the pain. He tried to encourage her by telling her how close to being done she was. "His head is out Kate…you're so close. One more push." He heard Sawyer sigh, possibly in relief, before hiding his face behind Kate's hair.

"Oh my God…" Kate cried. Then knowing what she had to do she bore down with all her might and felt the release she been waiting for as her child slipped from her body. Out of breath and more exhausted than she could ever remember being in her entire twenty-seven years of living, she lay back on Sawyer's chest and reveled in the sounds of her son's strong cries.

From behind closed eyes she heard Jack laugh. "Kate…it's…" he laughed again. She could tell he was trying not to cry. "He's perfect."

Jack lifted his son up to Kate who took him willingly. Instinctively, she settled him into the crook of her left arm and smiled widely. "I told you I could do it." She said looking at Jack with a sunny expression.

"You did." He chocked out.

Sawyer kissed the side of her head and whispered his praise before re-taking his place in the driver's seat. The car jolted to a start but Jack and Kate didn't care. The babe in her arms had calmed some now that he was wrapped up in her pajama pants.

"Katie I'm so proud of you." Jack told her. She blinked funny and thanked him.

"I'm proud of myself and I love you…so much."

"I love you too so much. And I love you," he whispered to the wide eyed child in her arms. She chuckled and blinked repeatedly again only her head swayed along with it this time. "You okay?"

"I-I feel funny. Kind of dizzy."

Automatically he looked down and saw the blood that was beginning to pool between her legs. "Oh my God," he whispered.

"What?" Sawyer asked from the front.

"Kate you're bleeding." She didn't say anything. What could she say? "I'm going to do something that's going to hurt but it's going to help okay?"

She nodded and her vision went blurry. Jack pressed on her empty abdomen and began to message it in an effort to get it to contract again, which would eventually stop the hemorrhaging. Kate winced and bit her lip.

Jack felt the car jerk forward as Sawyer tried to go faster without causing an accident. When he looked up at Kate's face she blinked hard as if to clear her vision and then blinked several times after that.

"Kate whatever you do, don't close your eyes. You need to stay awake."

"Jack, I don't know if I can." She told him, her eyes starting to look heavy.

"NO KATE! You have to keep your eyes open. Talk to me…tell me a story…anything."

"I…I love you," she whispered to both Jack and the crying baby she held before her eyes closed and the darkness surrounded her.

**A/N: Wow…long chapter. Sorry I had to ruin it with a cliffhanger! There will be two more chapters and then the whole thing is done!!! Kate is not dead…before we even start all that. Nope, there's lots of confessing in the next chapter. Jack finds out what Kate did…REVIEW!!!**


	35. Betrayal of All Kinds

Jack wadded up his old clothes and threw them in the trash. They weren't much good to him as they were stained with Kate's blood. Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror he looked like he'd murdered someone rather than tried to save their life. He hoped he'd done enough to keep her alive until they had gotten to the emergency room, where they took her and the baby away and handed him a pair of scrubs in place of them.

A nurse had come back to ask about her information and he had given them her real name: Kate Austen. Not ten minutes later the police showed up, proving that she was right; they were looking for her.

Running a hand over his short brown hair he turned the corner of a hall and was greeted with emptiness. There wasn't a soul walking up and down this particular corridor so he took a moment to sink down against the wall and just breathe.

He felt like he had betrayed her. In every intensive purpose he had. He could have just said that she was Kate Ryan, like he knew her to be, and then hope the Marshal didn't recognize him when he came to get her, which he knew would be happening very soon.

"Honey, are you alright?" A nurse in pink scrubs knelt down beside him. "You look like you've had a hard day."

Jack welcomed the motherly face he'd never seen before and just sighed. "I have. I delivered my son in the car on the way over here and his mother started hemorrhaging. I did the best that I could but I'm not sure if either of them is alright," he spilled.

"Well, sounds like you could use a treat. Why don't we go see that baby boy of yours?" Then she helped him up and led him to the elevator. "By any chance are you a real doctor?"

"Yeah." Jack smirked. "I work at St. Sebastian's in LA. I'm a spinal surgeon."

Then getting on the elevator the nurse looked at him with recognition. "You're…Jack Shepard." She smiled knowing she was right, her already full cheeks becoming even more obvious. "You're wife is a lucky woman."

"Thank you." He said with a little laugh even though he didn't fully agree with the statement. If they survived tonight…he would be the lucky one.

That thought carried him from the elevator to the nursery where "Baby Austen" had already been labeled and everything.

"Come on in Dr. Shepard." The nurse told him to sit in the rocking chair and brought him the tiny bundle wrapped in a blue fleece blanket. "There we go little one. Here's your daddy," she whispered reassuringly while setting the newborn in his arms.

Jack was overcome with a feeling he couldn't place as he stared into his son's baby blues. He wondered if they would be brown like his or green like Kate's when they changed. Secretly he wanted them to be green.

He had struggled to keep the tears at bay all night but holding the baby he'd waited for for so long was just the thing he needed to break the barrier.

The nurse noticed this and set a comforting hand on his back. "It's alright Hun. I see a lot of father's react the way you are. Just let it all out."

He looked up at her, eye shiny with emotion and said, "You don't have any idea how close I was to missing all of this." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "It's been a hard few months. Kate and I…we separated while she pregnant and…I don't even know your name."

She chuckled. "I'm Patsy and I heard all about your wife's situation."

"She's not really my wife yet. I only proposed to her a little over a week ago. God knows I wanted to do is sooner but…it's complicated."

"Jack, can I call you Jack? I feel like we're friends." He nodded looking back to his sleeping son. "Jack…I would love to hear the story. You sound like you need someone to tell."

He was hesitant…he didn't want to say something that she would be able to use against him, but her face was friendly, and her eyes seemed trusting. "Well," he started trying to go back to the beginning. "I guess I met her at a Starbucks." And that's how they spent the next hour, Jack just kept talking, the words flowing from him freely, while he fed "Baby Austen" and Patsy pulled up another rocking chair, holding a baby so that she had a reason to stay.

"…and now she's going to be taken to jail for something I don't even know. I just wish I could talk to her. I mean…I was the one who used her real name…I'm the one who's responsible for her."

Patsy shook her head and leaned back into her chair, careful not to wake the baby in her own arms. "Jack, that is some story. And can I say I'm kind of jealous that I don't have someone that loves me half as much as you love Kate." She looked at him with sad eyes. "Why don't I go get your friend and I'll see how she's doing. Maybe you can see her."

"Thank you…for listening. You were right. I need to tell someone." She just smiled and put her baby back before leaving Jack alone with the sleeping child of his own. "Looks like it's just us Bud." He felt another lump begin to form in the base of his throat. "Can I tell you a secret?" He received a wriggle as the baby adjusted in his arms. "I'm really scared. I'm scared that your mom isn't going to be okay. I'm scared that if she is okay we'll still never see her again. And I'm scared that you're not going to like me. I didn't like my own dad very much and I swore I wouldn't be like him but there's a saying… "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree." I'm hoping I'm the acorn that's blown away by the wind."

The baby gave a soft groan and then reached out a hand as if he wanted to grab something. Jack gave him his thumb and the baby brought it down to his mouth and while he was sucking on it, fell back asleep.

"I just want you to love me as much as I love you already…" he was going to use his name but in that instant, Jack realized his son didn't have one. So, thinking for only a moment before deciding on the perfect name he added, "…as much as I love you already Ryan," after the person Kate was when they had met. An ode to the woman she wanted to be and to the woman she was when she was around him.

000

"I don't know Liz. I just feel like…it's so out of control." Sawyer spoke softly into the cell phone pressed to his ear. When Jack had disappeared he'd taken the liberty of calling Lizi and telling her everything that had happened.

"I know Sawyer. I lost a really close friend of mine about a year ago and I felt the same way. It was like one minute she was fine, leaving my house to go shopping and then later that night I got the call that she didn't exist anymore." He heard the slight quiver in her voice.

"That's just how I feel. It's like I had this picture in my head of how this thing was supposed to go: She'd come down stairs and tell us she was in labor, Jack would run around like a chicken with his head cut off, 'cause that's what all soon-to-be-dad's do, and we'd go to the clinic and sit for…I dunno…a half a day and then there would be this new person in all our lives."

"Is that EXACTLY how it would be?" Lizi asked giggling despite the situation.

"Yes…EXACTLY." He smiled to himself and somehow he could feel her doing the same. This was his favorite part of a new relationship. The space between when they got passed the awkward parts and just before they were comfortable with each other. In that place everything was exciting and appreciated. All the jokes were funny and the gifts were considerate; there was this overwhelming want to just 'be' with each other.

"Sawyer can I say something without you getting freaked out?"

"Of course. Anything." He leaned forward in his chair so he could set each elbow on a knee.

"I know we've only known each other for like two weeks but I really, REALLY like you. I think you're sweet, you're funny, and surprisingly complex."

"Hey…wait…is that a good thing?"

"Yeah. It's a good thing. You want complexity; it keeps it interesting." There was a pause but Sawyer knew she wasn't quite finished. "I really see us going somewhere." Her tone was sentimental and light.

"Does this make us a legit couple now?" He knew the answer was yes but the man in him wanted to hear her say it.

"Absolutely."

Just then he noticed a heavy set nurse in pink coming towards him. "Are you Sawyer Ford?"

"Yeah. Is it Kate? Is she alright?"

"Jack wants you. Come with me." Then she turned on her heel and started to leave.

"Hey, Lizi…I have to go. A nurse says Jack needs me."

"That's fine."

"I'll see you soon."

"Call me back when you find out more." Then they said they're goodbyes and he stepped into the elevator.

He found Jack walking around the nursery with a baby in his arms. "Hi," he greeted Sawyer and Patsy.

"Sawyer, this is Patsy and this…is Ryan." He held up the baby slightly so that Sawyer could see.

"Ryan. Like Kate's last name." Jack just smiled. "He's so little…and clean." He added after thinking about the last time he'd seen the newborn.

Jack laughed out loud, which cause the infant to stir. Then with a deep inhale he began to howl. "Oh, no. Did daddy wake you up? I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm sorry." The doctor cooed and bounced until Ryan had been lulled back into silence. He was still awake but quiet.

"Can I hold him?" Sawyer asked timidly after the episode was finished.

"Sure." Jack handed him over and watched Sawyer react.

"Wow." The dark haired man could tell he was uncomfortable but he was beginning to settle into himself. "This is weird, to actually see him."

"I know." Then it got quiet. Sawyer held baby Ryan and Jack watched him with a hawk's eye, not because he didn't trust him but because it was his son, while Patsy putted around the room.

"You think she'll be okay?" Sawyer asked out of nowhere.

Jack felt himself starting to well up again. "I don't know. I haven't heard anything yet. And even if she is okay…she's going to jail."

"What if that doesn't have to happen?" Patsy piped.

"What do you mean?" Both men turned towards her, confusion written on their faces.

"Please don't judge me…but I think I have and idea. Jack…are you up for a surgery?"

000

Kate sat in her bed trying to move, everything hurt. She could see the guard's head through the window in the door. She was already in prison.

How could Jack have brought her here? Part of her wishes he would have let her die because now she only had a lifetime behind bars to look forward. And with each passing minute she realized how much she was going to miss. Her son's first words, his first steps, birthdays she would have planned with Jack, the Christmases where she would play Santa, taking him to school, staying up late helping him with homework, watching him play baseball with Jack as his coach. Jack…

And just as she was thinking about what she'd miss about her almost-husband he walked through her door. She was shocked they let him in so just sat with a stupid look on her face somewhere between pissed off and astonishment.

"They got your bleeding to stop." He stated the obvious as he sat down next to her bed. She didn't say anything. "How do feel?"

"Stupid." She admitted quietly.

"I meant physically," he corrected with a slight smile.

She sighed. "I'm really sore. It kind of hurts to move."

"Then don't." Then they were noiseless. Neither of them said anything, no one adjusted in their seats, she couldn't even hear him breath. He might have been holding it.

"They won't let me see him." Jack looked up at her. She was holding back the tears. "They say…they say I'm dangerous. I'm surprised they let you come see me."

She let out a single sob and then took a deep breath, desperately trying to keep her composure. She wasn't dangerous. Anyone that took the time to get to know her would realize that. She might be a little self-destructive but as of late things seemed to be working out. She should have known that wouldn't last very long.

"We'll fix that. I'll bring him to you." He tried to take her hand but she nudged it away. With a hung head he told her, "I know you're not dangerous. I've never seen you do anything to hurt someone else that wasn't out of love, or self preservation. They know what happened and I think…"

"THAT'S JUST IT! THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" In a split second she was crying uncontrollably and screaming.

"Kate, shush…keep your voice down or they won't let me be in here either."

Her shoulders shook violently but she made no more noise. "They wouldn't understand." She whispered after a moment.

"But I would." Jack tried.

"Jack, you have no idea what it's like. What it's like to have my father…what it was like to grow up with a mother that loved him more than you." She took a deep breath; a preparation for what she'd been trying to tell Jack from the very beginning of things.

"My mom was married to my dad, who was actually my step-dad, when I was born but they got divorced when I was just a kid. She had cheated on him with another man; my father - Wayne." She spat his name like it hurt her tongue. "Wayne was a drunk, and he couldn't hold a job, and he threw us around more often than not. But she loved him more than anything; she defended him to her friends. I hated him already and that was before…" she trailed off and focused on the wall across the room.

"That was before…" Jack knew what was coming but he needed her to say it, knew she needed to say it.

"That was before he…he started making late night trips into my room." The tears just spilled over her cheeks. She didn't sob or sigh, they just came. And she continued to talk. "And it happened a lot. I was ten when it started and I didn't know what to do. I told my mom and she told me to stop being selfish; that she had a new husband and I needed to respect him even if I didn't like him. That he was my daddy.

"Well, I knew if my mom didn't believe me no one else would, so I just let him do everything he wanted. It was easier to give up than fight him. And I let it go on all through high school and once I graduated I stopped giving in. I told him no and he would just beat me instead."

"Katie I had no idea…" Jack whispered. His chest ached for her while his hands were balled up in angry fists.

"No one did. I hid it well. It's easy to not think about but there are little things that still bring it back. Like sometimes when I would hear you come to bed at night…the turn of that knob gives me goose bumps and a little part of me expects to see him standing in the doorway."

"I'm so sorry. You know I would never scare you on purpose." The heat was rising onto his neck. He didn't know what to say, should he touch her? Would that be to overwhelming at this moment?

"It's alright Jack. You didn't know. No one knew…that's why I did what I did." Her voice was low now, almost a whisper and not quite a growl. It was like a switch had gone off and she was a different person. This Kate was dark and misunderstood. This Kate was frightening but all Jack wanted to do was hold her.

"And what did you do?" He asked in and equally low voice.

"I killed him." The answer was simple and honest. "I worked it all out. He was at the bar and he would come home, hit on me, I would decline and then he would light up a cigarette just like he always did, so I turned on the gas that night. I was out of the house before anything happened. And the week before I had taken out a life insureance policy in my mother's name so that she would get everything of his. I set her up for life and when I told her," Kate started to cry again. "And when I told her…you know what she did? She turned me in! My MOTHER! SHE CARED MORE ABOUT HER DEAD ABUSIVE HUSBAND THAN SHE DID ME! SHE BELIEVED HIM OVER ME! WHAT MOTHER DOES THAT?!"

Kate was thrown into a fit of hysterics and immediately Jack was by her side, his arms wrapped around her as she cried so hard he thought she would throw up. Her feet kicked and she hit him because there was no one else to hit. It hurt Jack to see her in so much pain, to see the repressed anger just fly out of her like that but still he held on. And then, after a minute or so, the thrashing stopped and she began to stop crying. He thought maybe she was over it, cried all she could cry, because she was quiet in his arms again.

"I'm proud of you for telling me Kate. And I promise, if you tell the jury the exact story you just told me, they will understand. So many people have had this happen to them and they never get their justice. I'm going to help you get your justice Kate." She didn't say anything, didn't nod against him. "Kate?"

That's when he looked down and saw the red stain through her sheets. He yelled for a nurse as Kate flat lined.


	36. Just Be In Love

Ryan Shepard fumbled down the isle of the church. His shaky legs barely held his weight, and just as he stumbled backwards Jack was there to sweep him up into his arms.

"Getting pretty good aren't you?" He mused to the seventeen month old, with a sad smile. The baby was the spitting image of his mother: brown spiky hair, green eyes, and a splash of freckles across his chubby cheeks.

Noticing the look on his father's visage, the little boy took Jack's face in his pudgy fingers and just uttered his title, "Dada".

"Sorry, Bud. Dada is feeling a little sentimental today," he explained knowing that Ryan didn't understand half of it. Then he set the almost toddler on the floor, straightened out his suit jacket and watched him shuffle away.

Jack turned around, adjusting his own jacket and taking in his surroundings. The white flowers at the end of every pew, the white roll out leading to the alter where there were candles and even more flowers, and the pastor was already waiting. The wedding wouldn't begin for another hour or so but he couldn't believe he was getting married…again.

He'd fallen in love with the most amazing girl in Klamath Falls. Kathryn Ford. She was a florist and a mother to the sweetest little boy with green eyes and freckles. She was living with her brother in an apartment when they'd met but she soon moved in with him down in LA.

"How 'ya feelin' Doc?" A familiar voice greeted Jack from behind.

He turned around and embraced the southern man from his past. Lizi stood close by in her black bridesmaid's dress, the skirt of the dress hiding the swell of stomach. "I'm great. I'm so ready for this."

"Wish you would have been." The woman jabbed at Sawyer with a look of annoyance.

"Well, I'm sorry. I knew I was makin' the right decision. It was the people that I was nervous about and to top it all off, you made me write my own vows." Jack laughed while Sawyer gave Lizi a playful kiss. "So where's Katie? I was hoping to see my baby sister before the ceremony." He enjoyed slipping little things like calling Kate his "baby sister" in to conversation a little too much.

"She's in the bridal suite. It's back out in the lobby and to your right." Then with a wave the couple was off to see his better half.

000

"Come in!" Kate offered to the knocks on the other side of the door. Sawyer sauntered around the corner and Lizi followed soon after. A smile spread across her face. "Hi!" She greeted and buried herself in his hug.

"Hold on there Freckles. I don't want to wrinkle the dress. Let me take a look at it." He held her out at arms length while she spun around and posed like a little sister would do for an older brother.

The dress was every bit as stunning as when she'd described it to him over the phone. It was simple but somehow very Kate. It had straps that led down to a v-neck, and a thick empire waist that tapered down into a slick skirt. She wore pearl earrings and a matching bracelet to accent it.

"I wanted something plain." She told him. "I wanted something that looked normal but pretty."

"Well, you don't just look pretty. You're breathtaking."

"I told her the same thing so you know he's right. It's so perfect for you Kate." Lizi chimed in. "I probably could have picked this out for you myself."

Kate laughed. "Good!"

Soon after, Lizi excused herself allowing Sawyer and Kate to be alone.

"So how 'ya feel?" Sawyer asked as soon as the door shut.

"I don't know. It's all kind of surreal. Like I'm dreaming and I know I'm dreaming but I can't wake up." She sat down on a small couch. "How am I supposed to feel? Nervous? You were." She stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah…I know. We've covered that already this mornin'." He pulled up a chair and sat in front of her. "I don't think there is a way you're supposed to feel. I was nervous, but not to marry Lizi. That was the part I was excited about. If you feel happy don't second guess it. Just feel happy."

"I am. I am happy. But there's something else and I can't put my finger on it."

"Try." Sawyer told her crossing his arms and settling into the back of the chair.

"I don't know. I've only been your sister for a year. I'm not afraid I'm going to slip up or even that you will but I keep thinking that something will happen and all of this…" she said looking around and then down at her engagement ring, "…will go away."

"Kate, that lawyer took care of you. I wouldn't worry about anything. This is a good day. Have you seen your son in his tux?"

She giggled. "I know! Could he be any cuter?"

Sawyer shook his head. "No. And you couldn't look more beautiful, so stop worrying." He got up and started heading for the door. "Just…be in love today," he told her, wisdom in his eyes, and then he shut the door behind him.

000

Deciding to get out of everyone's way Jack started to head back to his own changing room but was cut off by yet another familiar face.

"Patsy." He greeted her affectionately with a warm hug and peck on the cheek. "You look lovely," he complimented and she did. The heavy set blonde was in a navy dress that seemed to suit her quite nicely.

"Don't you look handsome yourself." She hugged him back. "And where is my namesake?"

Jack smiled at her. She was referring to his son, Ryan Patrick Shepard; Patrick being the equivalent of Patsy. Jack figured it was the least he could do since she was the reason they were in the church that morning.

She had asked him that day if he was up for a surgery, he'd said yes. Patsy had made it so that Jamie Peterson, a prominent, yet slightly corrupt lawyer owed him a huge favor. That favor was a new birth certificate, driver's license, and insurance papers on a Miss Kathryn Ford. As far as the law was concerned, Katharine Austen died soon after arriving at St. Mary's due to complications during childbirth.

That gave Kate a chance to start fresh, to be the person she wanted to be. It gave her the justice she needed after living the kind of life she seemed to thrive in sadly enough. And it gave Jack the chance to love her freely. No investigators or Marshals on his case. It was just him, Kate, and baby Ryan in his cozy house outside of downtown LA.

Looking around Jack saw Marc, his best man…again, holding the baby Patsy was interested in. "He's right there." He pointed; she smiled and was off to see the child.

Watching everything kind of unfold in front of him left him with mixed emotions; he saw all the guests arrive, he heard some of them talk about how soon it was after Sarah to be getting married again, and he ignored them knowing he was making every dream he'd ever had for his life come true by marring the girl in question.

But, when he saw Kate, _his_ Kate, walk down the isle in her simply elegant white dress all of those doubts and fears melted away. It was just them. His family becoming whole and with the infamous 'I do's' out of the way they would be truly free to do whatever they wanted.

000

It was a whole year later and everyone was gathered at their new house, not only for a house warming party but for a celebration of their first anniversary. It was hard leaving the house they had fallen in love in but with baby number two on the way they needed the space and Jack had convinced Kate that it was just another step in starting over. She agreed eventually.

So, now Kate stood on her back porch watching family and friends enjoying the new space, eating, talking, and watching two year old Ryan play with baby Grace while Sawyer kept a hawk's eye on them.

Jack snuck up behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her expanded middle. His hands were just big enough to cover her belly completely. She giggled at the fact that he couldn't help but touch her whenever he got the chance. He had said once that he was making up for lot time. That made her heart break a little but he was so happy about getting to experience what they created this time around that she couldn't help but be excited also.

Kissing her neck he asked her, "Are you having a good time Mrs. Shepard?"

"Why, yes Mr. Shepard. I am." She leaned into him and sighed contently. "I'm so happy Jack." She confessed after a moment of silence.

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm here, with you, and our children. Because you've given me a life I didn't even dare dream of." She turned towards him wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed him tenderly and set her head on his chest. "I just love you so much Jack Shepard. I'm so lucky."

And indeed she was. She was lucky that she'd left Matt when she did. She was lucky that she'd gone into work that day and went to the bar that night. She was lucky that Jack had woken up while she was trying to sneak out. She was lucky they had Ryan…that she had met Sawyer, who in turn met Lizi because he took her shift at In Full Bloom. She was lucky Sawyer loved her enough to lead Jack back to her.

It was strange to think that if one thing had happened differently, if Jack would have been asleep when she'd gotten out of bed, if she had toughed it out one more day with Matt, she wouldn't be where she was right now. And it physically pained her to think about it otherwise.

She would still be 'Kate Austen: fugitive' not 'Kate Shepard: wife and mother'. She would be lonely and isolated. She would never know what it was like to love Ryan or the child she still carried within her and be loved in return. She wouldn't know what it was like to kiss Jack and feel his passion for her. Or even to hug Sawyer and feel the connection of a kindred spirit. So much she would have missed out on. So much she wouldn't understand had one thing not happened. And knowing that just seemed to intensify everything she was experiencing at that moment.

"You know what I want to do today?" She asked Jack.

"No…what do you want to do today?"

"Just be in love." He hugged her closer and laid a very loving kiss on her lips in agreement.

So, while she was drenched in that feeling of love and happiness she stood in Jack's arms, on their back porch and reveled in the riches of a life she never thought she'd have.

**A/N: There you go folks! And Attempt To Understand Love! It's all over and done with and I couldn't be sadder. I loved writing this and I hope that you enjoyed reading it just as much. If anyone has any ideas for a new story, lay 'em on me! And don't forget to review!!! I'd like to make it to 200. It might be a stretch but it would be the icing on this cake if you know what I mean? Oh, and a picture of Kate's wedding dress is now on my profile!**


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